What to Do? 5

[sandi2]

Do not respond. No contact, remember?

[chris19]

10-4 Sandi, 10-4.

[chris19]

Hey Board, just journaling;

It has been a couple days; staying NC from WW...she is still calling/texting OM constantly. Her BDay is coming up in a couple of days, and I am not going to be speaking to her. I expect a few choice words from her b/c of me not wishing her a happy bday, but unfortunately for her, it is not my responsibility for her happiness at this point in time.

Until I rec'v a fully apology and an commitment to work on recon (a new MR); only then will I determine my reconciliation process and determine if I still want this person who has hurt me so much.

I have become sad over the past couple of days b/c hope is fading quickly. I am coming to the realization she is not going to stop EA/PA; and the reality of moving on and starting a new life is front and center. Although I am working with my IC on overcoming NGS, gaining confidence, and getting through my pain/resentment/anger; I am still losing a life long person in my life.

My pain and hurt is shifting from her not wanting me and being involved in a EA/PA --> to --> me being so foolish (passive/co-dependent) and letting someone treat me poorly for so long. This is what I am working on to become a better Chris right now.

Her sister and BIL reached out to me b/c they want me to meet their newborn, and I expressed I was not quite ready b/c I need my head and heart right before I make that commitment (which they responded in total understanding and let me know they are here for me whenever I am ready). I plan on going to meet up with them sometime in the next week or two. This is something I want to do; they are special to me; and I will make sure WW will not be around when I am there. Thoughts on this activity??

[TBSakaJ9]

Chris,

IMO it is her family and as hard as it may be I would stay away. My W's brother got married and I never reached out, I never wished her father a happy birthday either. When you are going through something like this I think it is assumed. My W's best girlfriends from elementary school reached out to me over the summer and while I appreciated it I told them considering the circumstances there is no need to contact me going forward due to the situation. They are great people, I love them a ton but at the end of the day it is her family and friends.

Others may disagree but I would stay away. While it is a nice gesture IMO it shows your hanging on.

[sandi2]

I get the impression that your SIL & BIL are about the only friends you have, where you are currently living. Am I wrong? I hope so, b/c you need someone.

[Jim1234]

Joseph9, I disagree.

I see no reason not to stay connected with these people who have been a huge part of his life for a long time. I don't see any problem with reaching out on special occasions to say happy birthday or congratulations or whatever. Make sure you're genuine, and not doing it as a ploy to get back together.

HOWEVER, do NOT visit with her family while she's there, or attend family functions, like weddings or meals for the holidays.

[chris19]

Sandi - No, I have a few close friends who live in my city; and I see often. I am always out with them over the weekends; whether it be in my current city, or when I go home to visit my parents (where even more of my friends live). I just have a great connection with her family...it is strange I guess.

Jim - your right, I would not do it to win her back, or I would def not go for the wrong reasons...

[chris19]

She has two sisters, and both BIL's and I are really close.

[sandi2]

Well, you do what you want. I think it might hinder your detachment by being around her sister, but that's your choice. If you decide to go, be very careful what you say, b/c blood is thicker than water. Women talk........especially sisters. They get mad, make up, and talk about everything that was said during the mad period. Know who else talks? Spouses. So, be careful.

[chris19]

I agree; I do not think I am going to see them...I don't know yet. I made a GAL for tomrw (WW bday) to volunteer for Habitat for Humanity after work. Hope to meet some cool people.