Fighting my way out of the dark - Part 6

[Holding]

Acc, thanks for setting me straight (again) about my fears on the legal matters. Hopefully this is the last time you'll have to remind me of that.

JoeJoe, you're right that I need to present a better image for my sons. But I think you misunderstood when my son asked about his mother dying. I nodded yes, meaning that I WOULD be upset if she died. In spite of my anger, I do want them to have their mother in their lives. (I'm good for another Texas meetup too!)

I met with my IC tonight and asked her how I can let go of this anger I still have. She said for now I need to be aware of it and not let it control me. Believe it or not, I really don't enjoy this anger, and it's actually not as intense as it used to be.

[AnotherStander]

Holding, I think most everything you're doing is fine, your wife's cold behavior is on HER, not you. It's fine to wish her a Happy Thanksgiving and such, if she doesn't reply then that's fine, you did the right thing even if she didn't.

I am going to make a couple of suggestions though:

So yeah, the text got to me. I know it shouldn't have, and I'm angry with myself for letting it ruin my good mood from the week.

Why be angry with yourself? It is perfectly fine to be upset about the way she's treating you! You don't deserve it! You're being cordial to her and she's being a B in return. Of course you're going to be upset. Own it! Your feelings belong to you, they are not "right" or "wrong".

Then she asked if I'd be going out that night (my usual Divorce Care night, but I'm done with the program). I asked her what difference it made (yes, I was very suspicious of talking to her).

Try and remember your W is always looking for a reason to throw something in your face, so try not to give her ammo. You could have just replied yes/no and then asked her why she wanted to know. Try to be as non-confrontational as you can. Not to save the M (which I don't think is on the table right now or for a while), but just to model the best dad possible to your kids.

I think yours is an example of how difficult it can be to give a WAS time and space when you're under the same roof. She's sick and tired of you and every time she sees you it's just a fresh reminder that she's done. She's not going to learn to miss you unless maybe there is some distance between the two of you.

[Holding]

AS, thanks for checking in and giving your support.

Why be angry with yourself? It is perfectly fine to be upset about the way she's treating you! You don't deserve it! You're being cordial to her and she's being a B in return. Of course you're going to be upset. Own it! Your feelings belong to you, they are not "right" or "wrong".

I got angry with myself for letting my anger drive my response to her and take control of my mood. I know the feeling itself is not really right or wrong, but it's how I react to the feeling that I have an issue with.

On one hand, letting my anger out toward her is me overcoming my P/A tendencies, and directing the anger back in an honest way. On the other hand, I've been getting a lot of feedback saying my anger isn't really helping my sitch. So I'm trying to find a middle ground. Obviously I didn't do such a great job letting it out since I still reacted badly to her the next morning.

I think yours is an example of how difficult it can be to give a WAS time and space when you're under the same roof. She's sick and tired of you and every time she sees you it's just a fresh reminder that she's done.

Amen, brother!

She's not going to learn to miss you unless maybe there is some distance between the two of you.

Yep. She refuses to move out - I believe her L advised her not to. I blame my state, which does not require a legal S period. (I'm half joking)

Time for a new thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2769772&#Post2769772