I told my STBXW 2 days after she told me she wanted a D (which was about 3 months after BD). I could no longer stand the fake friendship she was trying to promote between us.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
Well mine said she wanted a D, moved out and has only brought it up (D) once since then and never followed through with wanting to sit down and discuss. Only until recently has she been opening up and being more friendly. I guess I will just keep on keeping on until I am done with it or she changes her mind. See where this goes for now.
Last edited by Cadet; 11/29/1705:25 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
I can't think of anything you've done since you started DBing like a champ that would give your W the idea that you're going to be her 'friend'. Aside from the high fives from the other day.
I told my W about not being her 'friend' 2 months back when I basically forced the huge temp check, and I also reiterated that when we talked on the phone couplea weeks back. I only reiterated it because she wanted me to be 'authentic' and share what I was really thinking and be upfront. So, I did in a cool calm fashion.
The way I kinda enforce this boundary right now is that I don't engage in any chatter with her, in person or over text, that I would consider 'friendly chit-chat'. For example, she told me stuff about what she did on the weekend with kids intermixed with some stuff about our D. I just responded to the stuff about D and didn't engage in any chit chat about the other stuff.
I still sit with her during some of our kids activities, but I rarely engage in small talk. If she asks me questions, I answer as if some acquaintance was asking me and give the appropriate response. Also, do it in a cool calm way with a smile so it's not coming off as angry.
But maybe limit your chit chat with her when you see her. See how that goes.
I think at this point as LH said, if she files for D or if you do, that is a good time to let her know what the future relationship will look like, and that doesn't include being buddies. The only other time would be if she brings up R talks and depending on the convo, you can bring it up.
Thanks M, that is kind of where I am at with it. The chit-chat is rather minimal and always initiated by her. The chit-chat is always about our D; our something related to them. It is never about her or me. Last night most of the chit-chat was around Christmas presents, what to get them, who plays with what, how to make it look like we have more presents this year, etc.
When I got them this morning the chit, chat was about our D's lice, how nasty it is, going to wash their sheets, keep me posted, I am going to have the nurse check my hair, we also had some chatter about what kind of soap to get them to remove/kill the lice.
It's not like I am reaching out and engaging in conversation. I am friendly, upbeat when I am around her but usually just follow her lead on the conversations. Just not sure what has caused her to act more open and friendly with me. It is definitely a change.
