I told H outright today that I will not help in the divorce process beyond what I legally have to do. I said it firmly, Calmly, but not so gently or upbeat. I wasn't angry but I think my feelings showed through some. I went out right after as I'm meeting some family members for lunch. He had made love with me literally an hour before, at his initiation, and asked me to cuddle him.
Him: did you get your W2s to the lawyer yet? Me: my HR said I could get them on Wednesday. Him: (gets a folder and takes out documents). They're here, I just want you to know that. Me: you know I'm not going to mediation yet, right? Him: yeah, but you should still get your docs in...what do you mean you're not going to mediation yet? Me: I mean I'm not helping this process beyond what I legally have to do. Him: so you're going to delay things? I said I'm sorry for the frustration, but I'm not sure he heard me. I told him 2 months ago, gently, that I did not want the divorce, and I've been consistent, but this is the first time I made a firm statement on this matter. I could have been gentler or more empathetic. He can be firm in his talk, assertive, even aggressive at times. I've been feeling anxious about when he or his lawyer will ask about mediation, or when he'll next ask me if I've thought about what I want in the divorce.
Oh man Cali, do I need to tell you what a douchebag he is? He initiates sex and cuddling and an hour later is demanding your W2's for the D? Ask yourself if you really want to keep having sex with that jerk! I think it would be better for your mental health if you didn't, but it's your call. Very sorry you're going through this!
I wanted to, and Michelle does recommend having sex if your spouse wants to be close to you even during the last resort technique (if it's okay with you). For periods of days, he has seemed to want to perhaps be with me again (in more ways than sex), asking me to spend time with him and seeming loving, even called me "honey" again at one point (first time in a while). I thought LTR might be working, and Michelle says physical closeness does help with bonding even if the WS is still not committing back to the marriage yet. She also says to prepare for a roller coaster ride (bad day/ good day or bad week/ good week). This was just the first time that he flipped so soon after wanting closeness.
