Skin getter saggy - start working out. In terms of GAL, yes getting out of the comfort zone is really helpful. Thanks for answering my questions from earlier. I do mean to get back to you about that.
Another night of not much sleep. I woke up thinking about SO and the R again. This has turned into a vicious cycle, that I don't know how to break. She is on my mind WAY too much, to be healthy. My emotions seem to be settling down, day by day, but I am still at a very sad point. I am very anxious, and I am depressed. I feel empty inside, and I don't know how to fix that. I know that time will be my medicine, but it still feels very grim at this point. It's crippling me, from moving on with my GAL.
Another night of not much sleep. I woke up thinking about SO and the R again. This has turned into a vicious cycle, that I don't know how to break. She is on my mind WAY too much, to be healthy.
Swoopy P......it's hard early on man. I still have some sleepless nights and for the first 1.5 mths it was brutal. It does get better with time. What are you doing to get your mojo back? What do you need to do to start feeling good about yourself.
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My emotions seem to be settling down, day by day, but I am still at a very sad point.
That's good and to be expected. You just got TKO'd in the first round by Tyson. How quickly can you pick yourself up off the canvass and start to be productive. Try to stay in the present, stay in the minute. Don't let your mind wander to the past and don't let it think about the future. What can Swoopy P do right now to feel better?
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I am very anxious, and I am depressed. I feel empty inside, and I don't know how to fix that. I know that time will be my medicine, but it still feels very grim at this point. It's crippling me, from moving on with my GAL.
I remember about 2 weeks after my W first told me I tried to play basketball. I have played three days a week for the last 15 years with the same group of guys so it wasn't a situation where I had never played before or was out of shape. I was so stunned that I could not even run up and down the court, I had to check myself out because I couldn't focus. I also remember mowing the yard one day balling my eyes out, my neighbor came over and asked me what the h$ll was going on. The morning after my W told me I went outside and was walking our dogs. The other neighbor man saw me and stopped to say "hi", again I was balling my eyes out.
The point is that I feel ya bro......it does get better. Get off the canvass pick yourself up, go for a walk, go lift, just do something to start shifting your mind. Call a friend, go shopping, whatever it takes to put 1 foot in front of the other.
If your not feeling confident about yourself what can you do right now to make that change? How can you get that Swoopy P back????
I know what you're saying is right. I've been through this rodeo before, and I survived that time, even though it took me years. I will survive this time too. The reason this time stings more, is because of the connection I "thought" I had with this woman being something extraordinary, only to have it torn down in a matter of days. That's what has left me reeling the most. It just puts doubt, in everything I ever thought to be true in the world.
I've popped an Ativan and decided to do work. Ive masked off and started painting the exterior of my business. This should keep me busy for a bit, and hopefully keep my mind focused on more important things.
Yesterdays GAL activities kept me busy, even though it didn't include anything or anyone new, just work. I woke up, after only a couple hours of sleep again, last night. The sleep deprivation is starting to worry me a little. I know that I need more than a couple hours of rest per night. I wonder when I will come crashing down!
I got going this morning, feeling numb, but better. Every day seems to be slightly better than the last. Fortunately, there have been very few triggers, to remind of the SO. The roller coaster has been very flat thus far. The exception to that is, her mother texted me yesterday, just saying hello and hoping that I am doing better. I simply replied with "Thank You", and I did not engage her in any conversation. A close friend also messaged me, asking if SO was living with her BF. I replied that I think they were, but have been avoiding all contact. Friend expressed that SO invited her over to her new house, but that would be awkward, if she was living with new BF. I acknowledge that it would probably be awkward, and ended the conversation with, "thats none of my business".
I'm trying to stay strong. I am trying to stay focused. GAL is certainly what I need to focus on at this time. I am just getting to the point where I can somewhat function. Day by day.....
I don't have a lot of goals coming up. I am just starting into my off season with my business, so things start to become pretty dormant. I guess I have some home improvement projects that I should focus on, but that seems contradictory to GAL. Generally speaking, I am very much a homebody
Hmmm... what are your goals in terms of where you think you fell short in the marriage? personal improvement? physical health? mental health? I think this part of the DB process is important as you are being self-critical and understanding what you'd want to improve upon and make those lasting changes. I'd ask you to revisit this part. Home improvement projects are great, but you need to do GAL activities where you are around other people too. Nothing wrong with being a homebody, but you need to get out of your comfort zone. Do you have any good friends in town?
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I very much like working on things, building things. I'm quite handy. I am also very passionate about spending time with my family, but that passion isn't available to me as much now. I will put that focus ALL on D now.
If you're very handy, have you thought about attending free workshop sessions at home depot or similar stores in town? I am very basic when it comes to being handy, but it is something I'd like to learn and so I am always on the lookout for such workshops. Gives me a chance to interact with other people too. If you're really good at building things, have you thought about offering free classes or something at home depot? You should check that out. I wish you were in my town and I'd come to your sessions to learn. Fam time now is you and D.
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There really isn't much that intrigues me that I haven't done or tried. I really am a simple man. I don't have existential aspirations or passions I strive to have in my life. That sounds pretty pathetic, I gues
Don't beat yourself up. It's not pathetic. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out what you might want to try that you haven't. What about something like working out? What about going to movies, plays, concerts etc? Do you want to learn something new - for e.g. a musical instrument? Trust me, no one is just simple. If you truly can't figure out a GAL that goes beyond your current passions, then go do a buncha new stuff and see how you feel. This will also work to get outside your comfort zone. Try and find things to do where it's not just you alone.
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Yes, I am going to start THIS week on focusing on daughters needs and our togetherness. We went bowling about a week ago, and she enjoyed that. She's an avid quad racer, just finishing up her season as the points champion. But, quad season is now over. She also enjoys snowboarding, so I am thinking that I will get back on a pair of skis this winter. It's been about 20 years
Hmmm... what are your goals in terms of where you think you fell short in the marriage? personal improvement? physical health? mental health? I think this part of the DB process is important as you are being self-critical and understanding what you'd want to improve upon and make those lasting changes. I'd ask you to revisit this part. Home improvement projects are great, but you need to do GAL activities where you are around other people too. Nothing wrong with being a homebody, but you need to get out of your comfort zone. Do you have any good friends in town?
I think the role I played in the breakdown was not LISTENING to the needs of my partner, at least not well enough. I feel that she did verbalize her unhappiness, but it was only on a couple occasions, and every other day together seemed fun and healthy. Therefore, I simply did not realize the importance of what she had expressed to me. She said she needed more emotional support from me. I understand what that entails, but I also feel that I was somewhat emotionally supportive. I definitely wasn't just checked out. What do I work on in my own personal growth, I am not sure. I don't think I was doing bad in the relationship. I think that SO was more of the issue. I am assuming, but I really feel that she had never let go of the feelings for her previous partner. She romanticized the relationship, even saying that it was "Great". Perhaps we just weren't a match. After 3 years, I would have hoped she would have realized that sooner, before cheating on me and moving DIRECTLY back into her previous relationship.
I do have a "few" friends that I can socialize with, and I have been trying to do so as much as possible with them. Unfortunately, they are mostly middle aged relationship damaged people as well. I agreed to co-host a Halloween party, at the end of the month, so that should hopefully keep me busy and bring some new people into my circle
If you're very handy, have you thought about attending free workshop sessions at home depot or similar stores in town? I am very basic when it comes to being handy, but it is something I'd like to learn and so I am always on the lookout for such workshops. Gives me a chance to interact with other people too. If you're really good at building things, have you thought about offering free classes or something at home depot? You should check that out. I wish you were in my town and I'd come to your sessions to learn. Fam time now is you and D.
I appreciate the suggestion, That's not really an option for me
Don't beat yourself up. It's not pathetic. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out what you might want to try that you haven't. What about something like working out? What about going to movies, plays, concerts etc? Do you want to learn something new - for e.g. a musical instrument? Trust me, no one is just simple. If you truly can't figure out a GAL that goes beyond your current passions, then go do a buncha new stuff and see how you feel. This will also work to get outside your comfort zone. Try and find things to do where it's not just you alone.
I am just starting to get to the point where my brain isn't in a fog. I do want to do some of these things. I am planning on taking D10 bowling tonight after school. Plays, concerts, group activities, parties, they all appeal to me. I just need to branch out and build a singles network of new friends. I have very few singles, that are available to me on a routine basis. Meeting new people isn't my strongest suit. Meeting new people will be my hardest obstacle
That sounds awesome!
Keep on trucking along! Stay strong!
Thank you, I appreciate your input immensely. This is a rough road that we are all on, and having people that care and understand the process are extremely valuable. Thanks again
