Hang in there swoopy, the first 1.5 months kick my @ss. You can't stop thinking about it and all you want to do is talk about it. I am 4 months into BD and I can tell you it does get better.
Just take care of yourself, allow yourself to grieve and know that you will survive this. I have spent hours on this site since BD reading everything I could to help me process and understand.
Keep posting and journaling. It will help you through the pain.
I went to the bbq. all in all, it was a fun evening with friends. I was even able to laugh a couple times, so I think that is a good sign. I drank a little more than I should have, but kept my faculties.
This morning I woke up thinking about SO. I keep wavering back into denial. I'm feel pretty down again this morning, with nothing on my GAL list.....day by day
Some more sad news today. D10 visited with SO a couple days ago. They went to get their nails done together. By word of mouth, it got back to me that D10 confided that she is feeling bummed out being around me, that I am unattentive and depressed. This is some pretty devastating news. D10 is all I have in the entire world now. I have to pull myself up out of this mire, and get my Sh!t together! I have to get my head screwed on straight, pull out of this depression and despair and be there for my daughter......My sitch has now moved to a whole new level.
1. What are you goals for the next 12 months? Do you have any physical health goals? Do you have any other goals about improving your character and personality?
2. What are some things that you are passionate about?
3. What are some things that have intrigued you and you've always wanted to try?
About your D, I get that it's hard at the moment not to be bummed out. But, you have to learn how to put your game face on when D is around and push everything about you on the side. It's easier said than done, trust me I know. Are there any activities that D loves that you could do with her? Does she have any extracurricular activities that you could do or you could start some new ones?
You have to be the best dad you can to your D. Think of yourself as a single parent now when she's with you.
Honestly, make a list and if you like to journal, do it. If journaling is not your thing, that's okay, but do something to remind yourself of the great things you're doing every day if you can.
All of these small steps will help you emotionally and mentally. As they say here, this is a marathon, not a sprint. The journey is important for yourself.
1. What are you goals for the next 12 months? Do you have any physical health goals? Do you have any other goals about improving your character and personality?
I don't have a lot of goals coming up. I am just starting into my off season with my business, so things start to become pretty dormant. I guess I have some home improvement projects that I should focus on, but that seems contradictory to GAL. Generally speaking, I am very much a homebody
2. What are some things that you are passionate about?
I very much like working on things, building things. I'm quite handy. I am also very passionate about spending time with my family, but that passion isn't available to me as much now. I will put that focus ALL on D now.
3. What are some things that have intrigued you and you've always wanted to try?
There really isn't much that intrigues me that I haven't done or tried. I really am a simple man. I don't have existential aspirations or passions I strive to have in my life. That sounds pretty pathetic, I guess
About your D, I get that it's hard at the moment not to be bummed out. But, you have to learn how to put your game face on when D is around and push everything about you on the side. It's easier said than done, trust me I know. Are there any activities that D loves that you could do with her? Does she have any extracurricular activities that you could do or you could start some new ones?
Yes, I am going to start THIS week on focusing on daughters needs and our togetherness. We went bowling about a week ago, and she enjoyed that. She's an avid quad racer, just finishing up her season as the points champion. But, quad season is now over. She also enjoys snowboarding, so I am thinking that I will get back on a pair of skis this winter. It's been about 20 years
You have to be the best dad you can to your D. Think of yourself as a single parent now when she's with you.
I am going to commit to this 100%
Honestly, make a list and if you like to journal, do it. If journaling is not your thing, that's okay, but do something to remind yourself of the great things you're doing every day if you can.
All of these small steps will help you emotionally and mentally. As they say here, this is a marathon, not a sprint. The journey is important for yourself.
Thank you for the suggestions. I am going to work on a list, and focus on the small steps that I need to take. I will keep reminding myself that this is a marathon!
This will be my week, when I start to rebuild. My focus is going to be on Daughter and work. Everything else is taking the backseat. My emotions "seem" to have leveled out enough, that I can hopefully fake it through my low points. Perhaps the AD meds are finally starting to work. I don't know. I hope that I am able to avoid SO or any triggers that relate to her. I am certain my roller coaster isn't over, but I hope that I least have my seatbelt on for the remainder of the ride.
today will be the second visit with IC. I am not really sure what to focus on. I just want to feel whole again, and happy. I don't know how to address that with him. Hopefully he can guide me.
Some more sad news today. D10 visited with SO a couple days ago. They went to get their nails done together. By word of mouth, it got back to me that D10 confided that she is feeling bummed out being around me, that I am unattentive and depressed. This is some pretty devastating news. D10 is all I have in the entire world now.
Talk to D10. Tell her that you know you've been down lately and you are sorry for that, but it's a difficult situation and you're sad and hurting but you will get over it and be back to normal soon enough, and tell her how much joy it brings you to have her there in this difficult time. Tell her you love her. But most of all, don't be afraid. I sense that you're afraid D10 is going to BD you the same way your GF did, but that's not going to happen.
I have done those things, to the best of my ability. I've expressed to her that I am sad, and she can be sad too. It's a sad thing, and those are natural emotions we have, and it's okay. Ive told her how much I love her, and that I will be just fine, given a little time. I've tried a few times to occupy our moments with activity. I just know that I haven't been giving her the focus that she needs. My brain is on overload, and I can't keep focused on anything. I have this overwhelming sense of urgency and panic. I know I'm scared. I'm actually really scared. I dearly miss the life I had
Not much sleep again last night. I went down around 9:30pm, completely exhausted, and I was wide awake by 1:30am. SO keeps slipping into my dreams and thoughts when I wake. I dearly want to stop that cycle. I was able to have a positive day with D10. SO asked if she could give her a ride home after school. I was reluctant but agreed. After the drop off, I sent SO a text expressing that I appreciated her staying connected to D10, but that I needed as much space as possible from her, to start my healing. she agreed, but asked that I break the news to D1O, which I did. At this point, everytime I see her or hear about her, it pains me deeply. I need the separation to get her out of my thoughts and focus.
still working on my GAL. It's a tough transition, when you're naturally inclined to be a homebody who likes to spend family time. BUT, I'm getting out there, forcing myself out of my comfort zone. Today seems a little less emotional than yesterday. of course I'm still sad and confused, and yes, even slightly still in denial that this should have happened. I do accept it though. my counselor is focusing mostly on my sleep. I've been getting very little. my appetite still hasn't kicked back in yet either, and I am now down about 16 pounds since BD. My skin is getting saggy.....ugh
