I caught up on your thread tonight and I’m sorry you’re going by through this. This is so bizarre, your W is really out there right now. I don’t have a lot that hasn’t been said but I’m following along and thinking of you and your kids.
I think Bttrfly had good advice w/journaling her all night outings, etc. Don’t underestimate her, there’s no way to tell what wacky plans our MLCers have. I never thought mine would try to take my kids away from me and run but she did and your w is certainly not right. Her actions remind me of the early days of my xw’s MLC and from her latest actions I wonder if that is back whwere your w is at. I wonder if she hit the restart button with new om when her plan didn’t work.
Hawho is right (she said it a lot nicer than I was going to before I got to her post) she can’t attract a good person right now. What kind of person would first off have an affair, and secondly willingly meet the affair partners husband? Just wow...It’s almost unbelievable but I wouldn’t doubt it considering the people MLCers attract. However, I do have to wonder if she is pulling your strings, just something to consider.
Like others said, drop the rope. You can always pick it up later if it comes to that point.
K,
Thanks. I don’t know but have had the same suspicion. Whatever is going on with OM2 pushed her to want to get this D finalized.
And yes, you are right. Why would OM2 want to meet me? Who knows and maybe he is in fantasy land too. My friend have me another reason not to meet him. I might want to punch him in the face and that will not be good for me. No idea if she is pulling my strings. But then the only way to find that out would be to let her tell me about OM2. Another friend said it may benefit me to at least know who it is as there is a decent chance it is someone I know (small community).
And yes, drop the ****ing rope.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Where are ye on finalising the D or accommodation situation.? I know your L is to get back to hers shortly. In your state, does her having an affair change her entitlements in a settlement? Talk to your L.
You are doing good. I know you don't feel that. But it's true.
Instead of giving into your anger, direct that energy into working towards a good fun and full life without W. Her latest antics will help you turn the page, but put the emphasis on writing the next chapter.
Best wishes
R,
Having an affair has no affect in my state. Her proposal was ridiculous. My L advised I speak to her directly or else this was going to be very long and expensive to negotiate. I didn’t want to do that but I reluctantly did so. Shockingly, she was amenable yo my changes. I think she just doesn’t want to deal with lawyers and negotiations and courts, she just wants this to be over.
I am doing good? Really? I feel like I’ve been run over, repeatedly.
Yes, I’m not comfortable with anger but right now, I am angry. My counselor said I need to give myself permission to be angry. And like you said, direct that anger into a positive purpose.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
I am surprised he wants to meet you. I did not meet my ex's A partner until they were married. And it was because I had to. I am sure she was happy about that. Any person with an ounce of a soul wouldn't want to face the reality of what they had done. I bet it was harder for her to find out I was a good woman a loving mother and not psycho. That whatever my ex must have told her about me wasn't true. She had to face what she had done when she met me.
She lives in some crazy fantasy world where she thinks her actions have no consequences and she thinks everything is going to go the way she wants.
I am sorry you are having to deal with this. She's such a fool.
W told me she is seeming someone new. This is not the original POM. She said it is getting serious and she wants me to meet him. I said I don’t want to meet him. She said she wants to tell me about him. I said I don’t want her to tell me about him. Can I tell you his name? No. I want you to meet and be friends. I want you to know about him because he is an important part of my life. Being with him makes me realize how much I love and respect you. I said that doesn’t make sense to me. If you loved and respected me then we’d Do what you said you wanted last summer—to build a new R with me. She says I love you but I just can’t be married to you. I want us to be friends.
um, wtf? My h wanted the kids to meet OW and when they balked, he was angry with them.
I did not know of her at the time.
They have not seen him in over a year now, and there is no contact since sometime last winter, when they were not enthusiastic about having her shoved down their throats.
He posted on Fb about her being the "love of his life" and then about "introducing her to the family", which of course meant meeting his dad and brother. Our kids were not there.
Yes he has a new fan base on the tundra, and lots of "attaboys!" on fb.
None of them know me. It is this public behavior above all others, that strikes me as cruel and or, utterly oblivious of others feelings.
I no longer care which.
Your responses are fine, but your wife is acting insane. It's official.
Maybe you can suggest a CAT scan to rule out a brain tumor, and absent one, inform her that you cannot be part of the narcissistic behavior pattern.
If she is never haunted by the deep pain she is inflicting on the people who loved her the most,
then she has no empathy. And she makes a lousy partner.
And if she is haunted by it, but does nothing to rebuild something, then she makes a lousy partner.
I'm very very sorry for what you're enduring.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
[quote=OwnIt]- Hopefully she is ashamed of these "relationships" and the children do not know about them and she will want to keep that information from them, which in turn will keep her from trying to put them in front of him. - --
- One of the reasons I don’t want to meet OM2 is that yes, I think she would then feel more emoboldened to bring him around the house and kids, ugh. Ashamed? No, there is no apparent sense of shame. She righteously declares to me and others how proud of who she is now and women would happier if they followed her example. Agreed. There is No shame.
And no apparent guilt or remorse, b/c they are literally shameless. And they can claim and possibly feel "SO HAPPY!!" Yes it's over the top and weird, but not to them.
To make an obvious point- that somehow escaped me for a long time, is that they would not be doing these things if they had not justified it.
Therefore, all the clever zingers get you nowhere, at best.
Gordie no, this Does not mean you put up with even more crap, but save your breath when you do what you need to do,
and don't try to get in her head. It'll take up time and energy you could have spent in a sane world.
Be the rock for your kids. They need you now more than ever.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
but I had an alcoholic father who was - actually abusive when he was angry. And my mom had 9 kids so she was often overwhelmed.
I did not see healthy ways to express anger. But yes, I am angry.
I worry that anger will mean I'm bitter or a b1tch, instead of a betrayed person who is justifiably mad as he11. And HEALING in a healthy way!
OTOH, we cannot lose our sh1t or harm our legal interests by blowing up.
I attend a Divorcecare support group I've found immensely helpful (it's national, btw.)
we socialize after the meetings and they "get it".
One of them said to "use your anger as a call to action"
which will help you in the divorce and custody. And btw, even if your wife SAYS she wants half/full insane custody, don't assume she'll use it.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Wow. No words. Delusional is an understatement. You were much better about it than I would have been. Much, much better.
Yeah, I know the run over repeatedly feeling.
I'm sorry you're here.
Want some good news? There is a beautiful, peaceful life waiting for you and your children. You just have to go through this crap first.
Make absolutely sure you are able to comfortably support yourself post D and live a reasonable lifestyle. DO NOT put yourself in the position of giving this woman a red cent more than necessary. I'm having visions of loser deadbeats living on her alimony with her while you sleep on your parents' couch. PLEASE do not put yourself in that kind of a position.
Ask your lawyer if you can use her need for haste as leverage to get a better deal for yourself and your kids.
Obviously she's been drinking the MLC kool-aid and thinks everyone is going to hold hands and sing Kumbaya in her new world order.
S**** that S***
I'm sorry you're going through this buddy. {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Words cannot express how you must be feeling. I've walked on a similar path to yours but also different so I have a bit of an understanding of what you are going through right now emotionally.
This is going to sound a bit blunt and is perhaps the last thing you want to hear right now but I think that it's important.
Please go and get tested for STDs. You can't trust anything.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm actually getting a bit of a flashback on my own reading the latest updates and for me this was more than a year and a half ago.
Take care of yourself first and then your wee ones.
((Gordie)) - hug meant in a manly / brotherly way
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Gordie, I'm sorry to read this and glad you've already received some wise advice from others. It does sound as though she's in a delusional state - oh he's great, you're great - you guys should meet etc...ugh. It isn't uncommon - she hopes it will all be good & go just as she wants it to go. Everyone will like & accept him - and you'll all be chums.
But you know what? That only happens when you have earned your way out of a marriage, and allowed yourself to heal, and treated others decently through all of that. Otherwise, people tend to have strong views and feelings on what you are doing..
One thing I will say about OM - which may help your anger in time - you don't know what he has been told - and that could explain the 'wanting to meet you.' She may be saying - yes we've been S for a while - just living under the same roof until we sell - he's cool with it...IDK but it's possible.
I met XH a year after he and XW1 separated - and they were living apart for that time. But I only recently discovered (from XW1) that they remained more involved than I had known after they S - I had no idea!!! Knowing that has made me realise that XH may have presented himself as more S from me than he was. We had 2 properties and he was using one when he worked away...
Also the 'let's not use a L' thing - XH was just the same. But I went ahead and got advice from a L - mostly based on the insistent advice on this forum. And I didn't regret that. I only have my interests to look after, you have those of your whole family.
I'm sorry that you are in the - it gets worse before it gets better - part. Things are rough just now, so look after yourself, get by day to day and keep your head above water. Try not to engage with her and her stuff - and I agree about the STD test. I also jumped through that hoop, but it took me a good while to get to that point. Now I chuckle and think - wow, you've not really lived until you've been to the STD clinic! It took time to get there though..
((((Hugs))))) in the meantime to you Gordie...
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Nope they just do not feel shame, in fact quite the opposite, they gave you the best years of their lives and as a matter of fact they deserve this/that/the other ... all of it and then some. They wasted years and now its time to cash in .... you only live once. So they go on Amazon Prime and order the MLC package with all the extras ... new life, new person, new perspective and its all filed under selfish but with the 5 gallon bucket of entitlement they just do not see the problem ... in fact if you loved them you would be happy for them and accept this new person they want to show off so badly.
Its a mess .... its at this point you let go or be dragged. I am not saying give up on the M .... but you have to let it drift off in the pond for a bit and regroup, do the mirror work and become stronger as this thing has a knack for wearing even the strongest down.
