Getting the divorce papers [censored], no two ways around that. Im sorry for you for having to go through it.
Originally Posted By: Tread
But when it's all said and done at night. You are on a house by yourself.
It is hard, especially at first. But at some point, I found I was able to enjoy the quiet times I had alone. What can you do to make your house and this time your own?
Originally Posted By: Tread
W spared herself that issue by living with her sister. That is how she avoids truly being alone without S13. Without SIL, W would have been ran back home.
Meh. Id say its not worth your effort contemplating any of this. Maybe she needs someone else around. It doesnt really matter.
Originally Posted By: Tread
Surpassed my weight loss goal and now it's time to pack on the muscle and get ripped. Everybody has acknowledged the goal I met and it feels good. I can now fit suits and jeans I haven't worn in years.
Great job!
Originally Posted By: Tread
People mention W and I, but have no clue on what is going on. Or that she has moved out well over a month ago. W continues to keep that's secret from most of our friends and family. Sure she has no issue telling potential OM that she no longer lives with me.
Just feels as if I should let people know what is going on with us. Because people ask how were doing. And I end saying that things are fine. Feels like I just keep covering up for my WW.
I think its OK to say she moved out or that you are having troubles right now. I dont see that as being anything that you need to hide. I wouldnt go into all the details you had mentioned in previous posts as I think thats not your story to tell.
Originally Posted By: Tread
Detaching is getting better, but I feel the weight of everything is on me. And I don't seem to have the convience of having a moment to relax.
Maybe you need to find some ways to relax. Even simple things like meditation apps or taking some quiet time each night could be helpful. If youre upset that you dont have that time, make it a priority to carve it out for yourself.
Just an update on my sitch. My lawyer emailed me the divorce paperwork on Friday for me for review. Prior to that everything with me was just fine. But that all seemed replaced with sadness when I saw W and my name's on the top of the paperwork. The feeling of failure came over me. Especially realizing just how simple are issues were compared to other people's sitches.
I know exactly where you're coming from. I cried like a baby when I got a copy of the actual filing. I still feel like a failure sometimes, and I always feel like I've failed my little girl even though I don't feel like the M could have been saved.
There's nothing wrong with being sad. There's nothing wrong with missing your W, despite what she's done to you. Feel your pain, pick yourself back up, and remember that tomorrow is another day and tomorrow is another chance to make your life that much better.
The problem with simply quitting is that the committee is actually a paid gig. And the guy my W maybe messing with actually works for the organization. If I quit, then they would want to know why since they are paying me for my time. I would have to tell them about their employee, which would likely get him fired.
I have no issue with him getting fired. Dude risked a good position to mess with someone else's wife. Not 100 per cent sure they are fooling around. But my instincts and evidence so far have pointed out that W is pursuing this man. Whether he has taken W up on the offer is another question.
If I quit, then they would want to know why since they are paying me for my time. I would have to tell them about their employee, which would likely get him fired.
No way you would 'have to tell them' that level of detail.
Look, if you want to tell everyone how much of a victim you are and how bad a person your W is, then go ahead and do it. But I think that sets a bad example for your son, hurts whatever chance you have at reconciling and will be detrimental to your healing. Just my opinion though.
So I am supposed to tell them that I no longer wish to do it. And give them back their money? So I throw away an amazing opportunity to cover for my W and a dirt bag who is breaking the rules if his organization? It's not about wanting to talk bad on my W. But I may have to based on their bad decisions. Now if you have a way of doing this, then I am all for hearing it. But once again, it sounds as if I continue to suffer for my W choices.
could you perhaps clarify something for me? You say your wife is pursing this man, but you have no idea whether or not this man has taken her up on her pursuits? But this guy is a villain? He risked his position?
Or do you know this guy is the one pursuing your wife? Because it really isn't fair to get this guy fired if you wife is the one after him and not vice versa. I may have missed what HIS bad action were, that is why I am clarifying.
I would highly suggest your try your best to get out of victim mode. We have all suffered because of our spouses choices. Heck, my D was 9 years ago, and his choices still impact my life. But I sat in victim mode for so long and guess who suffered? Me, not him. So these days, I acknowledge the anger I feel when I realize this divorce has impacted something negatively in my life, then I move past it and do my best with what I got.
The reason why I haven't reported this guy is because I wasn't sure. No one is quick to get this guy. I actually like the guy and was becoming friends with him prior to seeing what my W was up to. The man is actually great at his job, which is good for the community. This has nothing to do with making myself a victim. It's about finding the best way of handling a possible sitch without once again without sacrificing my needs.
Never said this guy waa a villoan in any way. And I am 100 percent sure, he is doing no pursuing. But I know she is. If he is doing the right thing, then I have no intent on telling his boss if he is turning down my W. But if I find out that he took up that offer, then I may have to tell. By doing that he would be risking his position. Which is a offense he would get fired for.
My IC says I should confront him to see if my W has made advances towards him. I have no intent on accusing him of anything. But I am interested in seeing how low my W us willing to go knowing that I am trying to do positive things with this organization.
Now people on here are telling me that I should just quit without giving a reason once again to cover up for my no good WE. So when do these consequences for my WW come in? Because once it seems that Inam being told to be the bigger person potentially at my own expense. We're told to improve and make ourselves better. I did that by working with this organization.
The problem with simply quitting is that the committee is actually a paid gig. And the guy my W maybe messing with actually works for the organization. If I quit, then they would want to know why since they are paying me for my time. I would have to tell them about their employee, which would likely get him fired.
I have no issue with him getting fired. Dude risked a good position to mess with someone else's wife. Not 100 per cent sure they are fooling around. But my instincts and evidence so far have pointed out that W is pursuing this man. Whether he has taken W up on the offer is another question.
This is what is confusing me. This goes against what you just said.
That was me saying if I quit. I would have to give that as a reason for resigning. And that would be the reason why I would quit. If he was messing with W, then I would have no problem getting him fired, so I could remain on the committee. I am not blowing a great opportunity, if he has was messing up.
That makes more sense. But don't borrow trouble from the future. he didn't do anything as far as you know, so keep up with the great opportunity.
As far as when is your W going to feel consequences? The real answer is perhaps never. I would give every DB'er the advice to take your focus right off there, because them feeling consequences doesn't impact YOUR life. It might feel good, but waiting on that or expecting it is expending energy where it doesn't belong.
It's been 9 years and I am pretty sure my ex never felt the consequence of what he has done. Actually, his life is just as he wants it. Married OW, part-time father, didn't have any more kids, never had to adjust his schedule or change his job/career, I essentially do the real raising of our daughter. He lost no friends in the process. He has time for his hobbies. With child responsibility a half a night during the week, he has been able to join his volleyball leagues, work OT....... his wife takes his abuse and he is as happy as a clam.
This used to anger me. But one day his daughter will probably see him for who he is. But unfortunately that becomes a consequence for her, rather than him.
I just do my best to focus on my side of the street. Yeah, I get really down sometimes about how this has affected my life in multiple ways. But I don't really care that he has gotten everything he has wanted and still doesn't suffer any consequences.
