J9, I know women can see thru us. The revenge statement, is that little internal voice inside. I'm talking about revenge in the form of getting back at someone or seeing them hurt.
You are right anger leads us down the wrong path.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
I told STBXW that I would not sign her waiver so she can buy another house. She was infuriated. She's moved back into the MBR since she claims I'm preventing her from moving out.
HELP
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
IMO don't change nothing you were doing. She's trying to get a reaction out you. Shes trying to make you upset. You don't have to nothing you don't want too. She has to live with it. Keep DBing. If you took a shower and walked in the room nakedbto get your clothes continue you do that. That's you space, you do what you want and dont fight with her. I think she is going to try and pick as many fights as possible now. If you can resist all her craziness you will make a huge statement. Go about your day like she is not there, an invisible person.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
JoeJoe, I know this is all about provoking me - it's actually very childish. I'll try to stay the course. Thanks for the support!
Saturday night she did sleep in the bed with me. I slept on the edge facing away from her. She slept on her edge too. Apparently I was snoring because she tapped me in the middle of the night to get me to stop.
On Sunday morning, she woke me up by poking me. Then she questioned me for about 30 minutes: Why won't I sign the waiver? Why was I punishing her? Did I just want my pound of flesh? Why was I stopping her from moving on with her life? The same questions over and over.
I told her I thought her conversation from the other night, where she told me she was having doubts, was manipulative. She didn't see how it was. She said she was just sharing information and didn't mean to give me hope of something else.
At one point she asked me, "If you want to be married to me, why are you treating me like this?" I thought for a moment and said "I don't want to be married to you." It was the truth. She responded with "Then why are you dragging this out?" I got up and went into the bathroom. The questioning continued for a few more minutes, until she left the room to get ready for church. A few days ago I had been thinking about going with them, but I just couldn't do it.
She was gone with the boys most of the day, so I spent all of yesterday getting together my documentation for my L. What an emotional nightmare that was, looking at old receipts and bills, thinking back to when things were better between us, and just thinking about the past and what we've lost. I'd occasionally have to excuse myself to the bedroom to punch the cr@p out of the bed.
When they got back, I was walking around the house with a notepad compiling my inventory. STBXW was bothered by this and asking me if I was writing down every little thing. I told her my lawyer was asking for details. She acted hurt and said, "Well, if that's the way it's going to be, I might as well just take my clothes and go. You can keep the rest."
Last night, she gathered her few things from the MBR and went back to her room. On the way out she said good night, and I said it back to her. I slept alone again. Not sure if this will last.
I realize that my STBXW getting angry still upsets me. I know I need to not care what she thinks. But seeing her upset still gets to me, even if it's completely out of my hands, and even if her expectations are nowhere near reality. I've spent 21 years with her, so it's a hard bond to break.
I'm just feeling real down right now. (Grab your party hats. It's pity party time!) As much as I've tried to GAL and grow as a person, I feel like everything I've worked for has been a waste. I've let my kids down. I'm mad at myself for not seeing the warning signs more clearly early in our MR. I'm mad at myself for marrying her.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
I'm just feeling real down right now. (Grab your party hats. It's pity party time!) As much as I've tried to GAL and grow as a person, I feel like everything I've worked for has been a waste. I've let my kids down. I'm mad at myself for not seeing the warning signs more clearly early in our MR. I'm mad at myself for marrying her.
One thing I didn't mention was we had a brief conversation Saturday night before we slept in the bed together. I asked STBXW what the point of the whole "doubt" conversation was from a few days before. She said she was trying to open up to me, to get me to share my feelings with her. One of her common complaints is that I never share my feelings. (Trust me, I tried after BD and she wanted nothing to do with it.)
I debated how to respond for a moment. Then I said, "You want to know what I'm feeling? This is the worst thing I've ever had to go through in my entire life." Of course, she then turned the focus back on herself, and accused me of emotionally abusing her during the M. We went back and forth about whether what I did was actual emotional abuse, and I refused to accept that it was. My IC said I should not accept that label of emotional abuse if I don't agree with it. I know, not really a great way to validate her feelings. But I did express my regrets - once again - about all the mistakes I made in the M. In the end, I guess she achieved her goal - to get some emotion out of me.
Anyway, not sure that really matters. Just felt the need to share this.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
You're in that phase where, no matter what you do, you're always wrong. I remember those days. Heads I win, tales you lose. I think the best approach to that is to avoid playing the game.
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