Well, I did it. I mustered up the courage to ask my manager her feedback. She told me honestly that the big boss does not easily forget and it will take a very long time for her to do so. She said I am free to apply, but as a friend and a manager she does think my chances aren't are pretty bad.
Dawn, I did hear something I can sue to my advantage. I was honest with her and I told her I wanted to advance my career. I have enjoyed this opportunity but I really do need a challenge. I have a ways to go before retirement and I want to stay with the organization. She told me she doesn't want to lose me in this position, but she understands what I am saying and will keep a look out for something she might think is a good fit for me.
What am I going to do? My mistakes in life are ones that stay and do not go away. They all haunt me right down to the man I married. I bust my @ss in day in and day out to be better, to make my life better, and sometimes it feel all for nothing.
I have been pretty depressed lately. I ran myself ragged and when I had the chance to sit down, I felt so isolated. No one to talk to nothing that my body could physically do anymore, so I popped my pills and went to bed.
Something has to give before I crack.
Last edited by job; 09/28/1710:15 AM. Reason: edited a word
The other day I was listening to an interview on NPR (yes, I'm a liberal) with the author of "A Really Good Day." The author is Ayelet Waldman. It was interesting.
I won't advise you, but I'll tell you what I think I'd do. I'd apply anyway. And if I had the opportunity to interview, or give any feedback, I'd speak boldly. I'd own my mistakes, and explain that I was the type of person that owned my mistakes, was accountable for them, made them right, and learned from them. That I wanted what was best for the department and felt that my many years of experience and success made me best suited for this position and couldn't be erased by one lapse of judgment that I had learned from. That if they are looking for who's best for the department I felt that was me due to what I bring, and unless they have a candidate that has never made a mistake I want full consideration.
All in all, I wouldn't be deterred and would press hard until they told me no officially.
I think you'd learn a lot from doing that. It may be that the big boss doesn't 'forget', but that they make their decision based on the overall picture and this isn't as pivotal as your manager thinks. It may be that they are impressed with you stepping up and asking for what you want and telling them where you want to be. Even if you don't get this position, they may see where you are aiming and start considering you in this light and giving you guidance or career planning on how you could make that happen. All good stuff.
And, if for some reason this person is petty and forms lifelong opinions based on superficial data...well, might as well find that out now. You can continue to do your job and put feelers out to other companies that might appreciate your experience. But better to find out now than waiting 5 years and hoping they suddenly have a change of heart.
In the end I've never let someone I didn't like control my career. If your boss's boss is a jerk, all the more reason to apply (both here and elsewhere). If I don't like someone why would I give them power to make me pass on pursuing where I want to be? They're going to have to shut me down publicly, I'm not going to cower in the back and wait for them to invite me into the club.
OK, that's just for me. Honestly I don't apply for many jobs. For the most part I just try to kick enough a$$ where I'm at that I get recruited somewhere. But I've had a couple of boss's that were so bad I walked out without something else lined up. Bottom line, either I want to work somewhere where I can just excel and trust them to reward me, or I want to go somewhere they do. I don't want to have to fight for what I deserve. It's enough of a fight to do a great job, no reason to do that and then beg for scraps.
Either way I trust you and know it will work out. Total confidence is what I have in you G.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I was thinking the same thing when I read the posting last night.
Ginger, I am in total agreement (100%) w/what Zeus posted. Even if you don't get the job, at least you will hopefully get some feedback from the person who is actually doing the hiring. I wouldn't allow a go between to deter me from applying.
We all make mistakes and you've owned yours and paid for it. No one is perfect and if they were, we all would be living in the Garden of Eden and not on this earth. We learn from our mistakes and you have done that, and besides, that was a few years ago.
Again, no one is perfect and I am sure the higher ups have made plenty of mistakes along the way too.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Ditto what those before me said. You asked for advice from someone you trust and got it, but don't let that hold you back. You made a mistake, you owned it, it is in the past. I say go for it. I'm sure you will do whatever is right for G and D10 and that really is all that matters. Good luck, lady!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Thanks you all for you faith and encouragement. I have no idea what my future career path holds, but I do know a change is coming.
I handed in my last assignment last night. Barring I didn't fail them miserable, I am done. I cried tears of relief and D10 thought I was really sad. I explained to her why I had tears. They were of happiness, relief, and accomplishing something I feared I couldn't.
I just feel something really NEEDS to change soon. I won't be laving the organization because I would have to pay back the tuition reimbursement. There is another position I am interested and I am contemplating applying for.
I am just at the point where something needs to change in my life. I can't keep going as I am. So if it's my position at work, or a relationship status change, it just needs to change.
I just felt like celebrating with someone last night, but instead I had some wine alone. It just is what it is.
I haven't spoken to ex in a while and it's been nice. He last had D10 on Tuesday and she won't go to him until Thursday. As far as I can see, neither of them contacted each other. I did keep D10 very busy this weekend. It was nice to have no cheer for a weekend. Freed me from a lot of stuff that was causing some anguish.
I began weightwatchers today. My IC suggested I don't try to diet now because but I can't stand the weight I've gained. It's uncomfortable on me. I need to lose the weight for my well being. I have nothing social coming up, so I printed out a bunch of recipes I want to try. I'll try to make it fun.
Congratulations again Ginger. Your degree (and profession) is not an easy one and continuing on with your education while your working and as a single mom is really amazing. Your daughter honestly is blessed with such a good example.
Keep making it through. It just going to get better. Especially as you heal. We all have our lows, but just like our highs they are never permanent.
Ugh, i never lost the 5 to 7 lbs I gained from my ankle fracture, so I know the frustration when you were on a role. That little bit changes my clothes fit and how my knees feel. I am sure you still look gorgeous though.
