Crazy part is that I always validated. But I can see how the conversations may have gotten old as well as the sex. We have been together 17 years. We both got predictable in many ways. Even though maybe thinks she is so fun and exciting. Only I her own mind though. But I can see how the fantasy of being with OM can have her feeling energized. Even though everyone in the outside called reality can see W progressively getting worse.
W came by the house the other night and has clearly put on more weight just in a month of being gone. Hair was looking crazy as well as if she hadn't done a thing with it. Crazy part is that she didn't look a thing like the IG photo she posted up the day before. It's as if she took a headshot with a wig from a certain angle. Then took it off and just did nothing with herself. Did just enough to impress followers. It's sad, but it shows that reality is settling weather she knows it or not.
Exactly; I'm not sure what W means in these? I told her she can come by after work tomrw as I will then be available. She said OK. Do I need to send anything else before seeing her tomrw?
Any tips on how I need to approach this conversation; what should I try to accomplish out of this convo; I am kinda building it up too much I know. It's just the first time in a month we will talk about the R.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
Just be in the mindset to validate. I would suggest reading over everything in regards to that. She could be talking about moving forward with the divorce. Go into the conversation with a clear head.
Yeah and don't worry about not having all responses prepared for her. If she says something that catches you out of the blue or you weren't expecting, say something like "I need some time to think about it". This way you can mull it over later and not give a knee jerk response to what she's saying.
Next text; "We basically haven't talked in over a month so I want to be sure we're on the same page".
Whenever the WW says you need to in a meet and talk.......beware! It's too late this time, but next time you may want to respond with, "Unless something has changed since our last talk, I have nothing else to discuss at this time".
Also, it would be better to meet in a public setting. In public, there are less chances of a dramatic scene. If she goes to your house, she is more in charge about when she leaves. If you go to hers, you can leave when you want.....but she'd likely set you up for a sexual temp check there (wearing little clothing, etc.). It's a temp check where ever you meet her, so be ready.
Your best approach is to be disinterested in her little game. Don't ask questions about how she's doing, or anything. Don't offer any information to her. Don't contribute to the conversation. This is her called meeting......not yours. Why are you sweating it? Don't be taken in by any tricks she pulls out of her little bag (like squeezing out a few tears and saying she doesn't know what she wants). Be strong, and show her you not impressed!
Sorry to disagree with some, but having another relationship talk will not benefit you, until she is ready to do the right thing. However, she is not there yet. She wants to have a regular talk? Nope, doesn't work, and it does not help bring you back together.
You know what you need her to do, in order to reconcile (don't you?), and until she is committed to do it......this "talk" is just more of her BS.
Unless she asks what will it take to try again, you are not interested, hopeful, or impressed by her little talk. You need to act as if you have too much going for you. Your disinterest will cause her to believe she may be really be losing you. That's the temporary goal.....to act as if you have let her go.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
sandi - I am so appreciative you were able to respond here.
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It's too late this time, but next time you may want to respond with, "Unless something has changed since our last talk, I have nothing else to discuss at this time".
Yes, I was hoping by asking W; "would you specifically let me know what you want to talk about"...it was my indirect way of asking what you said above. I guess I failed there and should have been direct.
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Also, it would be better to meet in a public setting.
I actually had the idea of meeting a restaurant right by our works instead; and was going to tell her lets meet there tomrw.
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You know what you need her to do, in order to reconcile (don't you?), and until she is committed to do it......this "talk" is just more of her BS.
Unless she asks what will it take to try again, you are not interested, hopeful, or impressed by her little talk.
I am trying to re-read through your nice-guy WW threads to figure out exactly how to handle that part of the R. I know I want to not be disrespected by an open R, and will not tolerate it...But I am trying to find more readings on this.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
What would you suggest my response be if W asks, why I have not been trying or putting effort in saving the M.
Basically...I was not going to be in an open relationship where my W was disrespecting me?... is that too harsh. This conversation can go two ways; and I just want to get some advice if she starts asking me questions.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
What would you suggest my response be if W asks, why I have not been trying or putting effort in saving the M.
Basically...I was not going to be in an open relationship where my W was disrespecting me?... is that too harsh. This conversation can go two ways; and I just want to get some advice if she starts asking me questions.
I would just say "W, I know what I really need to work on is myself, not the M. So that's where I'm placing my focus. I know that you don't want the M anymore, and I am respecting your wishes and not applying any pressure to you on that."
