He was never concerned about my smoking either. I gave up almost 20 years ago and unfortunately took to drinking wine to stop thinking about the cigarettes.
He is an enabler and when I gave up working thought he would insist on me cutting down, bu no.... he would rather buy the wine than face a confrontation with me.
Oh believe me I know what he is and from an outsiders view he looks awful but.....he's not. He's just a bloody coward at the end of the day.
He's funny, popular and very well liked. To everyone we know it was a case of 'poor H' because he's the likeable one where I'm the honest gobby one.
He likes to be liked, where as I don't give a d@mn whether I am or not. He's a good man though but.....he will never be on that pedestal that he was on before BD.
I'm on there now.
Last edited by job; 10/15/1705:17 AM. Reason: edited a word
"He is an enabler and when I gave up working thought he would insist on me cutting down, bu no.... he would rather buy the wine than face a confrontation with me.
Oh believe me I know what he is and from an outsiders view he looks awful but.....he's not. He's just a bloody coward at the end of the day."
Honestly Westo, I wasn't thinking he looked awful when I read this. I was thinking that it can't have been easy living with someone who has been abusing alcohol for many years. It sounds as though you realise he was concerned, but you also knew he found it difficult to confront you about your drinking?
So, are you seeking support for this Westo?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
No....honestly, I'm not difficult to live with. It had benefits for him too.
But It became that in the last few months before he left as I knew there was something very wrong and one night I lost it and hurt his feelings so much that he went for a walk for hours.
I was too scared to look for him as I really thought I would find him hanging from a tree. My alcohol has nothing to do with him leaving.
It has everything to do with him. I take 50% for our marriage taking this turn but not for the affair.
That's all his. I actually stopped for a good six weeks last year ( it's all in the mind and I believe a life choice) but when I heard he asked to take OW to one of my SS wedding, just gave me the excuse to start again.
I think it's the main reason I want this limbo to come to an end.....so I can and have to focus on something else?
I'm bowing out for now. If there is one thing I've learned from this process, is....if anything brings me down, I'm walking away.
I am not going there. So, if you don't hear from me again, then R didn't take place.
If I post again it will be because it did and I want to update everyone who has hope in this situation.
Alcohol had absolutely nothing to do with our break up. H has never mentioned it. It's only ever mattered to me, and I only mentioned it to be honest with you guys.
It has never been an issue between H and me. And now that I've mentioned I like a drink in the evening, seeing as I'm on my bloody own, has kind of changed my sitch to something else. I didn't come here for AA therapy.
Never mind....I wish you all the best, I really do. xx
No one is playing an AA sponsor. Being honest w/us is the only way that we can truly help you and others on the Forum.
The questions that Sotto posted were questions that I would have asked in order to have a better understanding of you and your situation in order to better support you during this time. Red flags went up w/me when you posted that you drank after thinking about our responses to you: "Yours and Jobs words sat with me though,so much so that I drunk texted H last night asking if he was stringing me along about leaving." I don't recall that either of us said he wasn't definitely coming back. None of us can predict that...but we live in reality and there is always the 50/50 chance that he may return...but again, we don't have a crystal ball and we have to allow his crisis to play out completely and pursuing and putting pressure on him for his return date won't bring it any closer to reality. We provided the same advice to you as we do to everyone who posts. If he returns, I'll be happy for you and for others who are in the same situation...but we honestly do not know what he is thinking and lip service is just that....lip service. Until his words match up w/his actions, then you have to just leave him be and figure things out.
Stating that our comments led to some serious thinking was good, but then allowing those comments to play over and over in your head to the point of drinking until you were drunk texting concerns me.
For now, Westo, you need to take care of yourself, your health and your children. Leave your h in the oven to bake. You do not want him returning home not fully baked as his crisis will be far worse the next time around. You want this man to come home healed and mature and really and truly wants to be there and not because you are asking him to come home. He needs to be ready, willing and able to leave the crisis and that ow behind him 100% and put all of his focus on his family and a new marriage.
If you decide to leave the Forum, then I wish you well and continue to heal. However, I hope that you will continue to post.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
