Well, we tried to go to the ice skating meetup but had car trouble half way there and had to limp home. It's an active group so I will have to catch another one, the only thing is it's a town over. Not far but can sometimes take awhile depending on traffic so it's not easy to just catch an after work meetup. It stinks, the kids and I were looking forward to it. Good news is it's a cheap fix.
Yes the changes from S's diet were incredible! What I mentioned is just scratching the surface. It's hard but the result was miraculous. I'm thankful we caught it so early. I almost teared up writing about it above remembering that moment when he spoke to me. We also did dairy, soy, and yellow dye but reintroduced those after a couple years. I think the gluten had damaged his digestive system and after it healed he could tolerate dairy and soy. We did this as a family so it would be easier for S. After doing this w/him my longtime psoriasis/rash on elbows and knees went away and I was able to quit my migraine meds so I'm GF now too.
I documented it as you suggested. I wrote in the same notebook I kept in my office before. I haven't looked at it since I made copies for the guardian attorney. Reading some of that old stuff was painful but I realized how far I've come in a year. Hopefully I don't need it but better safe than sorry.
Xw did make a payment yesterday, she was supposed to do it in full but like the last 2 years she was counting chickens before they hatched (she is in sales) and couldn't. She dropped off D's ds at my office so I asked her about it and mentioned the toll bill. Things weren't bad but, ehhh...not great. she took the kids to meet and playw/friends as she was supposed to meet their mom for coffee. When she came to drop them off she was a mess. The credit union took out more than she setup and she had nothing left and they didn't know if they could reverse it. She was crying and told me she felt like a loser and how she was working hard and her boss told her to quit coming in on her days off and that she looked like crap, was too skinny and needed to take her off days (I imagine bad attitude too). Someone else giving truth darts!
I tried to talk about paying it off and her paying me back but she wasn't up for it, I really don't know if she was taking it in since she was so upset. I will bring it up again at a better time. This has all been very financially stressing on me too. I ended up giving her a little money so she has something until she/we figure this out. Idk if I should have but I gave her a couple hugs and wiped the tears off her face, told her she would be okay and wished her a good afternoon. She seemed genuinely thankful. Idk if this was the best thing for me to do but it was also for the kids to make sure they're taken care of since next week is her week to have them.
Forgot to mention myself, having a good weekend w/the kids. Park, frisbee, and swimming today and maybe fishing tomorrow. Keeping busy and enjoying our summer.
kindness is never a bad thing. let's be honest here, i'm pretty sure you did this with zero expectation, so that's the most important thing, right?
yes, gluten can really cause a lot of damage. be mindful that soy isn't great. a little goes a long way. the problem is, soy is in a lot of stuff. if you're eating it, make sure it's organic so you're not eating franken-soy, aka GMO.
sorry you didn't get to the meet up but i'm so happy you made the attempt. glad the car repair is minimal. oxoxoxoxo yes, you've come an incredibly long way. don't ever forget that.
i hate this about MLC but i think it is true that the MLCr has to hit rock bottom before they start to get better. So sad. You can have the paying off discussion at another time. Hope you continue to have a great weekend with the kids. take care xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Yes, trying to keep things at zero. It's hard I still care about her and it hurt to see her hurt. I know I'm not going to nice her back but I'm glad she let that out to me and not going elsewhere.
I had lots of contact w/xw this week. She called me Monday and said she was in too much pain from her adeno/endometriosis to watch the kids and was going to have to take a muscle relaxer. I asked if she was okay when she called the kids and she said Mlc friend came over to help take care of her. I'm glad she had me watch them.
She got the kids the next night but I had to get them early the next morning because I took the day off for an air show. Unfortunately, it got cancelled due to weather but we still had a good day and kept busy.
Xw tells me a lot about work etc. one night last week she just says "it happened today." I had no clue what she was talking about. When I asked she said she had to go talk w/Mlc friend because she was depressed. Evidently she was manic and spent all her money from her late h's life insurance and doesn't remember how. I feel bad for her but in a strange way it reassured me I'm sane. XW and Mlc friend are connected at the hip. Misery loves company..and craziness.
We decided to take the kids to the carnival together this weekend. We hadn't planned this but there were some news going around about attempted child abduction lately and we thought it would be best. We had a good time but while there I got a glimpse of how out of it xw is. She got on a kids ride w/them once and not in the same seat. She asked I Was going and I laughed and said no. When she got off she told me she thought she was getting on another ride that was next to it but didn't realize until it started. Wow..really... Lots of venting about work but she finally calmed down. We did have a good night and I'm glad we could do that for the kids. She also thanked me and said she had a good time. Lots of different feelings: sorry for her, missing the old her, seeing the out of it new her, knowing I deserve better but not wanting to give up. No expectations but trying to be more patient (if possible).
Lots of different feelings: sorry for her, missing the old her, seeing the out of it new her, knowing I deserve better but not wanting to give up. No expectations but trying to be more patient (if possible).
{{{{{Kyh}}}}}
I know. You are doing what I certainly couldn't. I can't imagine how hard it must be to be in this much contact with your xw. hugs xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
It's been awhile since I've posted, busy with kids and work lately. I've been doing well other than a few unexpected triggers which I let go of quickly. I'm still trying to work on GAL. I tried another meetup w/the kids but the rink hours were wrong so it didn't work out. I will have to try again.
I've cherishing my time with the kids this summer, it went really fast. I did take a week off to spend with them before they went back to school. I've been trying to do some things we did before bd like game night with the kids and taking them to the farmers market. It was kind of hard at first as that was something we always enjoyed as a family but I was able to let it go and enjoy it.
The kids went back to school the week before last. I think this will really minimize contact w/ex. The kids seem to be doing okay but S's good friends were in another class again and he is upset about it.
I haven't been talking/texting to xw much but when she is here she always talks to me. I keep things minimal but friendly. I have also quit sending pics of the kids when we're out and about.
Xw got furniture from my cousin who she has stayed in contact with and came over to get some of her things while she had a truck rented. She unloaded it by herself. She mentioned her upstairs neighbor was supposed to help but didn't show. The next day when she came to get some of her stuff and some bunk beds I let her do it all. I felt like a jerk but would have helped if she asked but wasn't going to offer. I feel bad, she has been hurting since.
I can see xw seems to be going between replay and depression. I mentioned her saying she felt like a loser a couple times in my older posts. It happened again the first day of school. She was supposed to come over to take them together. I finally texted to see where she was and she called back that she couldn't find her keys. She finally got here and we got the kids to school just in time to go inside. They were both crying because they didn't get to play outside first and xw was crying because she felt bad. What a sight. On the way back to my house she told me she felt like a terrible person.
Xw has been staying at my house w/the kids when I'm out of town. When I got home this week she texted to tell me she had to pick her stuff up at the end of the day and we got there at the same time. After she got her stuff she just sat down and hung out. Sometimes talking to me and sometimes just on her phone. She was here quite awhile. She also asked if I would pop her back. I did but kept our contact minimal. I thought it was kind of weird she was just hanging out. She was also here awhile on Labor Day. She asked to eat leftovers, hung out a little while, and then left abruptly.
She also took Saturday off and took the kids with her so see xstep inlaws. This was nice to see. Usually if she takes a day off she doesn't spend it with the kids.
Trying not to worry about xw and focus on myself but I can't help noticing these things w/so much contact.
You sound good and are a model to me as my d is proceeding and I have young kids and will have lots of contact with my stbxw. I know she will struggle financially too and not sure how I will deal with that. How are your GAL activities?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
All of the contact can be hard and it takes some getting used to. Most of the time I'm okay but sometimes it's not easy. Idk how this will play out in the future but I'm just dealing w/things as they come right now. I do feel bad for her because I know she is struggling financially but I have to remind myself it was her choice. It's another reality check for her.
My gal could use some work. It mostly involves my kids which Is good. We stay busy and we're doing lots together. I could use work outside of kid time though. It's hard when they are young and I have them so much. Something for me to work on.
Just needed to vent a little so I'm journaling. I've been doing well ignoring her crazy but this morning almost got to me.
Today she's back to being angry. I should've seen it coming the day before with her text (she uses okay, ok, k, and k.) depending on her mood lol. If I don't react she gets friendly after a few hours or the next day. Night before last I got the k. after she asked if it was okay to call the kids and I replied sure. Then she sends a bunch of pictures a couple hours later.
I haven't seen this in awhile so it caught me off guard. Last night she asked to come over this morning to do D's hair before picture day. She shows up at 805 looking like crap and for a fight. She immediately wanted to know why I did her hair. I told her I drop them off at 815 and I didn't know if she was going to show up because she told me she would be over at 730. She got mad telling me I think she is a pos, you weren't going to call me, and I would never say 730 because I could never get here by then. I just had to ignore it, she wanted to fight.
She also brought over S's reading log which she said was due so he had to rush through it while she tries to give us all attitude. This morning was nice until she showed up. We we're better off without her there and I barely got the kids to school before the last bell at 830.
This was frustrating, but I just let her spin. I'm betting since I mostly ignored it I get a half @ apology next time I see her.
I am so very sorry that she was acting out this morning. None of you needed this BS at that time of the morning, if ever. There's no excuse for bad behavior...but she's not a happy camper and things aren't going the way she thought they would. If she said 7:30, then she should have been there at 7:30 and not at the time you were getting the kids off to school. That a "shame of her" deal.
She may apologize and then again, she may sweep it under the rug. Time will tell. Continue as you have been as you are the only adult in your children's lives at the moment.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
