I think we all are doing the same thing, looking for a reaction everytime we get around our Ws. I think super patients is going to be needed now. I think detaching is not worrying about what she thinks or feel but, living your life, like her opinions don't matter to you anymore. We know they do, but our thought process has to take on that association. When she is ready to talk, she will. Remember TxHubby situation and his GALing doesn't have a timeline, so we don't really know how it took before his wife took notice, but I'm pretty sure I was sometime.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
I think the premise is to make changes for yourself and if she happens to notice continue doing more of that.
Detaching is a process where her emotions don't impact my emotions. IMO that just takes time and distance.
Hubby did his thing and ultimately told his W she was done after I think almost 3 years if I remember right. It seems to me that generally those DBers that get their W back ultimately have to take some sort of action that snaps their W out of it. Either they file for D themselves, kick w out of the house, expose the A or something. I am not sure if I read anyone's sitch where the LBS just improved himself and the WW came back. Maybe they are out there but I have not came across it yet. If you find one let me know because I would love to read through it.
It was 3 years before TxHubby snapped out of this fog, but he never mentioned how long his wife snapped out of her's after he had, had enough. He also, never mentioned kicking her our of dropping D papers. He just said he ghosted and got a great new life. Also, those who, snapped their WW out of the fog with putting their wives our and using D papers, were exactly done and had moved on with their great new lives. Their Wayward spouses got to see them in their best selves first.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
**My cheating wife was in no hurry to leave and I was going to show her with actions that my life was going to be awesome with or without her. You can't fake it or half ass it. It's going to be the biggest challenge of your life but what it will do is guarantee you a no-lose scenario. She either comes around and is the wife you deserve or you move on with your great new life. When you really know in your heart 100% that you're going to succeed either way then you'll give off that vibe and more times than not, they'll respond.
**My WW didn't leave so I basically ghosted her in the house. Gave her a front row seat to my great new life. I think that did more for me than anything else. I literally didn't concern myself with her comings and goings in the least. My only advice if you're going to do what I did, however, is that you really have to go all-in. No faking your great new life. No sitting around lamenting your situation. That feeds a cheater's ego and makes you look weak and pathetic. They won't love you or respect you, they'll pity you and think less of you. You know, like I did to her when I got my groove back.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Detaching is a process where her emotions don't impact my emotions. IMO that just takes time and distance.
Hubby did his thing and ultimately told his W he was done after I think almost 3 years if I remember right.
You are 100% correct about detaching. J9 in your sitch I am guessing it will come quickly because you and your W are separated and have limited contact. Believe me when I tell you that detaching is IMO the most important part of the process.
When Tex was done he filed. IMO your are not done yet, Use this time wisely to make yourself into the man you want to be and let the rest play out itself.
I guess a question to ask TxHubby is went did he know it was time to drop the D papers. What was his prompt? And did he do it because he was upset because to me, it seems that he knew he was truly through and he truly knew he didn't need her anymore.
Or you there, or are you using the D papers to try and get her out of her fog?
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
I think that is the question that only we can answer within ourselves. When is enough, enough and you are at a place of self-confidence where you are great either way. I think getting your self-confidence back is the key.
It just seems to me that in most sitch's the LBS takes some sort of action that wakes the WW up and or it is a combination of a couple different things. You may be moving on with your life, detaching, GALing, 180's all that stuff but at the end of the day the LBS is not filing for D either (so essentially your still waiting). At some point in time it is either put up or shut up.
I don't think you use D to get them out of the fog you just file for D because you are ready to move on and are tired of being in limbo. You only file when you are good either way and can accept both outcomes.
I originally told myself 6 months when I started this journey. I do think timing and patience plays a big part because the WW needs to see and notice your changes. Wait long enough and she might believe they will last and deep inside she thinks differently of you. File to soon and you have not given her enough time to change her thought process.
I do think timing and patience plays a big part because the WW needs to see and notice your changes. Wait long enough and she might believe they will last and deep inside she thinks differently of you. File to soon and you have not given her enough time to change her thought process.
I think this a huge part of this journey, the Wayward spouse must see the new you. And you are right, if you file to early you lessen the impact. I think seeing the new your creates that doubt. If they stay are go, creating that doubt is important in my book. Given them time to change is a must.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
So for me I am just taking care of myself and doing my thing. If I file today for D it won't change how I feel as I am still not emotionally ready to date. So outside of having paperwork I can still work on detaching etc. which is what I would have to do any way with or without a D being filed. Make sense?
I would say though that I never did confirm if my W was or was not having an A. A lot of people on here say you can't work on your MR until the A is over with.
