You ever thought about entering a cooking contest? Do you do landscaping? Travel! Where do you want to go? Leave the kids with you wife and get on a plane, or on the road and go. Do look back, enjoy yourself. Investing in your appearance is a great thing. You ever thought about changing up your outfits and look a bit. Maybe if you wear T shirts, where a nice fitting button down. If you where loose jeans, maybe try them a little more fitted. If you wear hats, get a nice hair cut. Cut it all off. Do something risky. I know what the IC is saying, and it's nothing wrong with those things.
You are right passion and interest or different but interest can grow into passions.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
I have interests but I can't think of 1 thing that I am passionate about. IMO having interests and passions are two different things.
I want to be passionate about something which has come up recently in IC but I am a pretty simple person with very few needs. When I posed this question to my IC she said "What is wrong with being a content person with simple needs?" I even expressed my concerns to her about what is my purpose etc. She responded by saying "What's wrong with being a good husband father and enjoying spending time with your children? Do you now how many people are struggling in life just to get that component down?" It doesn't make it any easier but I have been searching but currently have no answers.
I just tried to think of some stuff below none of which fits like saving the whales, or the political process, things of that nature.
- I like to cook and my W enjoyed it when I did. I looked into taking some classes but couldn't find anything close to the house.
- I like to bet on football and sports in general
- I like to lift weights and generally live a healthy lifestyle
- I like to drink some beers with buddies and I used to enjoy brewing my own beer and smoking cigars.
- I like sampling different bourbons
- I used to hit a few concerts and try new restaurants every now and then.
- I like doing projects around the house
- Now that the kids are older I wanted to do some more traveling
- I like buying new clothes and investing in myself (appearance)
- I like to do anything with my kids. Really enjoy watching them play sports.
Now, take that list, and narrow it down to 1 thing. Of all of those things, what interest or hobby do you like the most, and wouldn't want taken away from you?
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
I would say the gym and being athletic. It is an incredible stress release and helps with your overall confidence. Nothing I better than wearing a tight shirt, showing off the guns at kid pick up
My W and I are 2 totally different people and what she valued in me when we first got married was my stability and she always knew I would love her no matter what. What I valued in her was her ability to open my eyes to an entire different way of thinking and views on life.
I guess we never grew together or what ultimately attracted us to one another in the beginning eventually drove us a part.
This is so much like me and my STBXW. I expect it's a common dynamic.
I agree with your IC. There's nothing wrong with being content in your life - we don't all have to be go-getters and adventurers.
There's no shame in being "stable". The trick is to find someone else who's also stable.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
I agree with your IC. There's nothing wrong with being content in your life - we don't all have to be go-getters and adventurers.
That was kid of a hard pill to swallow because I was thinking about it in the context of my W. She says I am content but she is not so something must be wrong with me. My IC well maybe she is the one with the problem which really opened my eyes.
Quote:
There's no shame in being "stable". The trick is to find someone else who's also stable.
I know if/when I have another relationship this will be at the top of my list to vet out for sure.
The trick is to find someone else who's also stable.
I don't think our wife's are unstable. There seems to be something about a woman in midlife where they ask themselves "is this all there is to life?" Another Stander has discussed this in detail in the past.
They think walking away is the only thing that will make them happy.
Looking back I never would have guessed my W would do something like this. In reality people change and handle stress differently so you never know.
So having my D's for a week at a time is impacting my gym GAL activities. The gym is 10 min from my house, they 8 and 6, I also have 2 big 70 lb dogs. Is it acceptable to go to the gym at 5 am when they are sleeping? I would be home by the time they woke to get about an hour workout in.
We live in the suburbs, great neighborhood, we know the neighbors as they have young kids as well. Any thoughts on this?
I don't think our wife's are unstable. There seems to be something about a woman in midlife where they ask themselves "is this all there is to life?" Another Stander has discussed this in detail in the past.
They think walking away is the only thing that will make them happy.
I agree that's not always the case. But My STBXW is always coming up with crazy schemes, chasing shiny things, or looking for the next challenge. She has trouble just standing still, appreciating what she has, and simply "being". I sense that Joseph's W is the same way. That's what I'm talking about.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
Yeah, don't do that. Look up state laws about what age kids can be left alone. You could get into serious trouble with law enforcement and child services. This is exactly why I am going to make my home gym because when I have the kids for the week, won't be able to do any GAL, but need to keep up with working out.
