I hear you, that's my one sticking point. I have my D's this week and they have already asked me when they will see mommy again.
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Never thought she would actually go through with it and she was going through some sort of a phase/crisis.
Yep, same here. I can't imagine her doing it and feel the same way about it being a phase, etc.
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Even though I am detached and ready to move on I still believe if she became 100% committed we could have a pretty good marriage.
I know I am not 100% detached but I do believe with her commitment and better communication we could have a good marriage.
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Having said that I think too much damage has been done.
I am not quite their yet. If she is doing anything she has been very quiet about it, not posting anything on social media, rubbing it in my face, etc. The longer this goes on though the further removed I get.
I am not quite their yet. If she is doing anything she has been very quiet about it, not posting anything on social media, rubbing it in my face, etc. The longer this goes on though the further removed I get.
I agree it is way too early for you.
This Saturday will be three years of hearing I am not sure what I want/I'm just not happy yada yada yada.
That will take it's fuching toll on you. Especially when I am quite the catch lol!
You have been working at the same job for 20 years. Do you love your job? Is there a career that you really wanted?
My parents worked for this company so when I graduated college I didn't know what I wanted to do so I just kind of fell into it. I don't necessarily have passion or career I really wanted however I make really good money which in reality is allowing my W to afford her apartment .
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That's what you ultimately want right for her to want to give you control?
I don't know if it's about control or taking on more of a leadership role. I do know that I could have taken more of an active role with being present, establishing family values, having a vision, etc. I didn't realize it at that time as I thought it was a joint effort but with that said I know my W would come up with stuff but ultimately we never enforced it.
So something different for me would be doing something like this in my home during the weeks I have my D's to help provide them with more family stability. My W would never notice unless my d's told her.
Your job is helping your wife afford her apartment? Why are you paying for your wife's apartment? She wanted to leave, so she should take on the responsibility of her actions.
All you want out of life is to work and be a dad. What do you want to be known for? What is your vision? What is something you wanted to do, that you never have done? How would your Ds describe you? And what do you want them to remember you for?
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Your job is helping your wife afford her apartment? Why are you paying for your wife's apartment? She wanted to leave, so she should take on the responsibility of her actions.
All you want out of life is to work and be a dad. What do you want to be known for? What is your vision? What is something you wanted to do, that you never have done? How would your Ds describe you? And what do you want them to remember you for?
I agree with JJ here. When W left, one of the things I had to do, was look inside and see what my purpose was. At first I thought it was 'Being the best dad and husband I can'. I thought that was why I was put on the earth. I realized that wasn't it.
My question is, aside from being a dad and husband, What were you put on this earth for?
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
I am still trying to figure that out. If you guys have answers please let me know. Something that I am exploring through IC which so far I have no answers for.
Is there anything wrong with being content in life? I have interests but at the end of the day isn't being a good human being, father and husband what's most important?
I am still trying to figure that out. If you guys have answers please let me know. Something that I am exploring through IC which so far I have no answers for.
Is there anything wrong with being content in life? I have interests but at the end of the day isn't being a good human being, father and husband what's most important?
Of course it is important. Let me ask this..
Imaginr that you never had kids, you never got married, and you never had that job. What would you be doing.
What are you PASSIONATE about? What lights up your heart when you do something or think about doing it?
Those were questions I had to ask myself, to get my answer.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
All those things you mentioned were important. But those things are apart of you. They are not you. You are a dad, you are a great man, you are a good husband. But you have to want more out of life.
I know I want to help people in unfortunate situations. I know I want to motivate people to do better for themselves. I love being adventurous and trying new things.
You have to have a passion. You have to look deep. What did you want to become when you were in HS?
I agree with Jmstl, what is your passion? If you were a single man with no kids, all you would want to do is sit at home and work? This is my opinion, and not a shot a you, but I think any person, especially our wives would not want to see their husbands just living life from day to day. If you don't know your purpose, how would your wife know your purpose and passions. Also, it's not to late to find one. You have to get out and try new things.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
I have interests but I can't think of 1 thing that I am passionate about. IMO having interests and passions are two different things.
I want to be passionate about something which has come up recently in IC but I am a pretty simple person with very few needs. When I posed this question to my IC she said "What is wrong with being a content person with simple needs?" I even expressed my concerns to her about what is my purpose etc. She responded by saying "What's wrong with being a good husband father and enjoying spending time with your children? Do you now how many people are struggling in life just to get that component down?" It doesn't make it any easier but I have been searching but currently have no answers.
I just tried to think of some stuff below none of which fits like saving the whales, or the political process, things of that nature.
- I like to cook and my W enjoyed it when I did. I looked into taking some classes but couldn't find anything close to the house.
- I like to bet on football and sports in general
- I like to lift weights and generally live a healthy lifestyle
- I like to drink some beers with buddies and I used to enjoy brewing my own beer and smoking cigars.
- I like sampling different bourbons
- I used to hit a few concerts and try new restaurants every now and then.
- I like doing projects around the house
- Now that the kids are older I wanted to do some more traveling
- I like buying new clothes and investing in myself (appearance)
- I like to do anything with my kids. Really enjoy watching them play sports.
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