Got up and hit the gym this am had a great workout. Got plans to go out with a buddy tonight work and I have a kid free weekend! I will probably be watching a lot of football which is something I enjoy. I also like to place wagers on the games so I don't know if that counts as GAL or not but it is a lot of fun for me!!
On a side note I need a little advice. I have been taking my D's to church every Sunday since this has went down with my wife. It has been part of GAL and 180's since I really didn't attend church before. Anyway my youngest D is getting presented with her first bible at the 11 am service which my W will be attending.
Before we split she was attending church regularly without me. Since this all went down she stopped but I picked it up and continued so it has sort of been my thing with our D's. I usually go to bible study at 9:30 and then big church at 11. As most of you probably know the 9:30 bible study is a smaller group. I asked my W last night if she was going to go to the 9:30 class or just meet us for big church at 11. She said it may feel awkward for her to go to the 9:30 class and would more than likely just meet us at 11.
Is it my responsibility to make her feel welcome for the 9:30 class? I have never mentioned anything in prayer group however my neighbor (who is part of the same class) put in a prayer request months ago for us. Is this a situation where I step up as a leader and pave the way for her to attend if she desires? Do I need to give her my approval and encourage her? I am just not quite sure how to handle?
Dude. Laying down some sweet action on a game is definitely Gal! I will be doing that this weekend with the boys at a golf tournament weekend get away.
Sweet....glad it counts :0. It is one thing that I thoroughly enjoy but was difficult to do with the W and kids around so I am really looking forward to have a few cocktails and getting in on some action! It's kid of funny, my house has kind of turned into a Bachelor pad for the dad's on my block because they know they can come over and get some man time! They actually kind of envy me
The golf tournament sounds awesome. It was a goal that I had when this first happened. I have always wanted to start playing but just never made it happen. I started at the beginning of summer but I gets so hot in TX that it was just miserable. Looking forward to picking it back up again this fall!
I didn't really ask her to go I mentioned it as I assumed she wouldn't want to and she was the one that brought up it may be awkward. When she said that I really didn't say much and the subject got dropped. I won't bring it up again. She is a big girl and can make her own decisions. Maybe she will feel more comfortable after going to big church with us this Sunday. I wonder if it will be hard for her to attend with us sitting there as a family. It's her cross to bear (no pun intended)!
Getting her to church should be helpful, probably bible study too. At least you are getting her to church. Being too eager to get her to go will drive her away. I would just make sure you aren't giving her vibes that you're the better person for going, because that will keep her from going.
I would also say it is more important for her to go than you, so if at some point in the future you have to not go to get her to go, I would do that too.
M: 41 W: 41 Married 2003 2 boys 9 & 6 Bomb Dropped May 2017
Well it is 100% confirmed that my W is really not in our R or with our family at this time. My youngest D got her first bible today in a presentation in front of the church today. i told my W and she said she wanted to attend. I'm like ok cool maybe going to church will touch her heart! Well I guess today really confirms to not have any epectations!
She was late, said my oldest D was giving her problems. Furthermore she showed right as my D was getting her bible so I was in the lobby to meet her so I our nieghboor had to video the presentation for me as I sat in the back. It was kind of upseting that she couldn't arrive on time for our D.
So we sat together as a family with our children sitting between us. After church was over she got up and walked out. Didnt say hi to our neigboors or any of our family friends. I assume she felt awkward but who knows. So we walked out together as a family and I we where talking in the lobby about pick up and drop off arrangements for the day. As we were talking out neighboors and family friends came out to say hi and you could tell my W felt really awkward and out of place. The interesting thing is that before we separated she was really actively pursuing religion and even got baptised. Now it just felt like a foreign concept to her.
Kid exchange was supposed to be today around 5 pm. Since it was already a little after noon the kids wanted to come with me so I said no problem. We walked out to the parking lot as a family and she couldn't even remember where she parked. I was just such a wierd experience. You could tell she was really stressed out by the kids and was so excited when our kids said they wanted to come with me. She made the comment she was sooo done with them and needed a break. They are at choir practice now but today I realized how fragile emotionally she is and I see glimpses of her struggles.
Anyway she shown no glimpses of softening or changing her stance. I did tell her she looked nice, I had on my new skinny jeans and a new shirt, she made no comment. I feel no anger towards her, I actually feel very sad for her for some reason but I know there is nothing I can do for her at this time. She just seems so angry, emotionally flat and in general not a happy person. This is such a crazy experience!
I feel bad for my girls, I just hope they are getting what they need at this time emotionally from my W while they are with her.
Sorry to hear this update J. Looks like your W came because she felt she had to - like it was an obligation rather than coming to celebrate a nice moment for your D.
Her comment about her being so done with the kids - dammm, that would hard to hear for me. If your Ds aren't getting what they need emotionally from her, then at least you're there and have stepped up your game. Your Ds definitely need you as the more stable parent right now.
I hope your W gets some help. I seriously wish I could drag my W to an IC and tell her to get her $hit worked out so that we can actually sit down and talk about the MR in a real way.
I am glad to hear the event went well for your D though. Sounds like a wonderful ceremony. I am not religious, but I come from a heavy religious cultural background and such ceremonies and events can be quite heart warming.
Love the skinny jeans. Wish we could all post pics of our new swag here
Sorry to hear this update J. Looks like your W came because she felt she had to - like it was an obligation rather than coming to celebrate a nice moment for your D.
Yeah maybe, probably. When I originally told her it about she immediately said I would like to go. Maybe the as the date got closer she got overwhelmed by the pressure of it. Who knows but you could tell she felt awkward. I have also noticed she has had a hard time keeping a schedule. I find myself having to repeat myself many times for drop off times, practice/game times, etc. She was even late to open house at the school. Not sure where her mind is at but she is definitely not paying attention to the details. She just seems scattered brained and easily overwhelmed.
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Her comment about her being so done with the kids - dammm, that would hard to hear for me. If your Ds aren't getting what they need emotionally from her, then at least you're there and have stepped up your game. Your Ds definitely need you as the more stable parent right now.
She has always had a lack of patience with them. This was one of my concerns when she started all of this. She can't take them in large chunks of time I knew it would be hard on her having them for an entire week with me not around to support. So I know yesterday when she came to the house and gave me their suitcase she had enough. Even made the comment last week about how nice the prize is of having time alone time to herself. Like the trade off is worth it to get time by yourself.
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I hope your W gets some help. I seriously wish I could drag my W to an IC and tell her to get her $hit worked out so that we can actually sit down and talk about the MR in a real way.
I agree, same here. In my W's eyes I believe this arrangement is more about her and her personal escape than anything else. To her it is worth it to have them for a week because then she gets a full week off to herself. The new friends that she has made all of have older kids. She stopped hanging around her old friends who have kids the same age. She is trying to do things they are doing but their children are in high school or college and don't need the same support as our kids do. It's just crazy to see the transformation she has gone through mentally.
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I am glad to hear the event went well for your D though. Sounds like a wonderful ceremony. I am not religious, but I come from a heavy religious cultural background and such ceremonies and events can be quite heart warming.
We are not over religious people either but I thought it was my responsibility to introduce my children to religion so when they get older they can make their own choice. My W started going to church last year without me. Right before we separated I started going then continued it after she moved out. It was one of goals to keep going and my girls are really enjoying it.
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Love the skinny jeans. Wish we could all post pics of our new swag here smile
LOL......they are quite comfortable, got them at Bannana Republic. W never made one comment about them but for that matter has never made a comment about anything. In her eyes I don't even exist outside of communicating with me about money or finances.
The thoughts of having no expectations and making changes for yourself really resignated with me yesterday. It is so true and yesterday drove it home.
I find myself having to repeat myself many times for drop off times, practice/game times, etc. She was even late to open house at the school. Not sure where her mind is at but she is definitely not paying attention to the details. She just seems scattered brained and easily overwhelmed.
yeah, I have noticed that with my W too. She keeps telling me the same story over and over again not realizing she told me last time I had seen her - it's a bit disconcerting to see that she forgot she told me all of this.
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She has always had a lack of patience with them. This was one of my concerns when she started all of this. She can't take them in large chunks of time I knew it would be hard on her having them for an entire week with me not around to support. So I know yesterday when she came to the house and gave me their suitcase she had enough. Even made the comment last week about how nice the prize is of having time alone time to herself. Like the trade off is worth it to get time by yourself
Sounds like taking care of the kids is a chore right now and she can't handle it. Yes, it is nice to have the time off from the kids, but that is trying to make the best of a messed up situation.
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In my W's eyes I believe this arrangement is more about her and her personal escape than anything else. To her it is worth it to have them for a week because then she gets a full week off to herself.
Yeah, the selfishness is really unappealing.
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We are not over religious people either but I thought it was my responsibility to introduce my children to religion so when they get older they can make their own choice.
Same here. Exposing kids to everything and then when they're older, they can decide what they want.
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The thoughts of having no expectations and making changes for yourself really resignated with me yesterday. It is so true and yesterday drove it home.
Yeah I can see why you're contemplating filing because it seems like W hasn't moved an inch in whatever is going on with her.
It has made it really easy to DB and in many way's she has been DBing me also. There have been no mixed messages, no cake eating, no calling me on the phone asking me questions, heck when she came to the house yesterday she went to the front door and rang the door bell even though the garage door was open.
There has never been the random reaching out for anything outside of it being for the kids or finances. I have tried to engage a little bit just to tip my toe in the water to see if I get anything from her. Yesterday I told her she looked nice, got nothing.
We have our wedding anniversary coming up on 9/20 so I know that day won't be acknowledged. It is a fine balance between leaving some shred of hope open but completely moving on with your life.
I have been doing some thinking on when/if my W asks for the D and wants to push forward. All of our money is tied up in retirement accounts, IRA's and Life Insurance policies. We wouldn't have enough cash on hand for us to fund a D. She currently has no access to any of our joint account and would have no idea about how to go about withdrawing money to pay for lawyers etc.
If she comes to me and says she is ready to move forward do I need to give her access to some of this money so she can proceed? In her current situation she will never be able to afford a L on her own. She will never have access to that amount of money until after our D settlement or unless I give her an advance.
