Limerence and My Situation Pt3

[Painful]

Looks like Mark disappeared from the forum. Very interesting reading as my sitch and timeline are similar with some differences (living arrangement, W hiding OM from D11). It struck me we've been together the same number of years and W is 9 years younger than me (we both are a couple of years younger than you guys). Just wanted to see from vets and others if I should start my own thread to get their advice or is it OK to continue on this one? Also, how do you add "below the line" info?

[Btrow]

Painful,

I think you should start your own thread. I hope Mark will come back and continue posting. I guess it must be difficult to come here looking for support when your life is in turmoil, you're trying your best from your own perspective, and all you get is a constant 2x4 hammering (we all mean well but I understand why it can be tough to be on the recieving end).

Go to My stuff, edit profile and fill out the signature section at the bottom.

Mark, please update. Please explain to us again why you can't stay in the martial home (was it financial reasons?). And also I'm a bit confused by some of the lastest comments from others. OM doesn't actually live in the house, does he?

[Maika]

Mark,

I saw you posted in someone else's thread recently so i know you're around. I am guessing you're upset with the 2x4s about the house situation. I know it probably came across as very harsh, but with everything you know about DBing, you know that the house situation is pretty bad in your sitch in terms of your W feeling any loss and feel the consequences for her actions.

Just come back and post. If the house situation is truly unsolvable as you have mentioned, what are some things you can do moving forward? I would still push what others have said - can you not move back in and tell her to find a new place and do whatever she's doing with OM?

Have you consulted a L about this? It's your matrimonial home so you must have some rights about it.

Everybody here cares and we want to help you in your sitch. Don't lose hope - not just yet. Come back and talk to us.

[25yearsmlc]

Looks like Mark disappeared from the forum. Very interesting reading as my sitch and timeline are similar with some differences (living arrangement, W hiding OM from D11). It struck me we've been together the same number of years and W is 9 years younger than me (we both are a couple of years younger than you guys). Just wanted to see from vets and others if I should start my own thread to get their advice or is it OK to continue on this one? Also, how do you add "below the line" info?

Absolutely get your own thread so advice is tailored to you. When I first came here I didn't know how, and I ended up hijacking other people's unintentionally.

It is way easier to help advise you on your own thread. Are you pretty comfortable with that now?

[Painful]

Here it is:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2759666&page=1

[Maika]

Hey Mark!!!

Sending out a flare again. How are you man? What's going on with you?

[Parkema]

Hello All,

Been away for a while I seemed to have been missed! I appreciate your concerns unfortunately I’m still here.

Quick catch up – basically not much has changed except for me GALing more, I’m now actively spending time away from home and the boys overnight which is a massive 180 for me my life was centred around WW and them. Today again I’m away which is impacting the normality we have fallen into and WW is starting to ask questions.

With all what’s going on she’s adamant I’m seeing another woman and when she dropped the boys off today before going to work asked what I was doing, I remained aloof but was pushed to answer! I told her what I was doing (hiking the peak district) but didn’t deny or confirm that another person was involved also. When she was leaving she said “she a lucky woman” again I didn’t raise to the comment and remained aloof, can I ask the forums views on whether to continue to let her wonder about another woman OR come out and deny there’s any other person involved?

Don’t get me wrong I’m nowhere near ready to start another R as I’m still deeply involved in trying to save my MR. I feel her A is beginning to evolve into some kind of regularity and normality and the excitement that was driving it is waning slightly, she’s still deeply in the “fog” but her interest in what I’m doing is growing.
I’m doing all the above as I see now that no matter what I do to bring her back to the marriage I can’t do anything to change her attitude so might as well enjoy myself and GAL. I continue to show a happy, confident brilliant dad but one now that is no longer obsessed in what his WW and the AP/LO are doing.

Again thanks for the continued support I appreciate it.

Mark.

[Btrow]

again I didn’t raise to the comment and remained aloof, can I ask the forums views on whether to continue to let her wonder about another woman OR come out and deny there’s any other person involved?

Mark,

I'd let her wonder. So don't confirm or deny anything. It seems that sometimes when facing the risk of actually losing the LBS, they snap out of it. Or at least, shake them up a bit. Not saying that yours nessesarily will, but her being in the dark certainly won't have a negative impact on your sitch. If she asks more specifically who you're hiking with etc., just say "just a friend" or "no one you know"

Keep doing those GAL's. Her interest in what your are up to, might mean nothing or they might do. But GAL'ing will certainly help YOU stop thinking about her actions.

[Maika]

Hey Mark!

Great to hear an update from you. I really like the 180 you're doing and seems to have piqued W's interest - but enough about her.

I agree with Btrow, you don't need to give her any intel about anything - she needs to see losing you. At this point, vague answers are the best. I like the attitude of enjoying yourself and GAL - it's truly the best.

Keep posting.

[25yearsmlc]

if if IF you are really pressed, you can say you "cannot confirm or deny"

but really, who is she to demand information from you?

If she says "She's a lucky woman" she is baiting you or affirming herself for being so gracious.

I'd do an (internal) eye roll. So now she wants to know about the job opening for the job she resigned from?