Hi guys!

I have not been posting, but I've been around and reading the newbies section.

I should probably chime in more than I do, but there are great people on the board that are really good at giving needed advice, and most of the time those people have already said what I think.

It's a little over two years since BD, and almost two years since I confronted my W about her A.

I'd be lying if I said that I don't think about it anymore; I still think about it every day, but it doesn't affect me like it once did.

We are still together, and things are good most days. W still struggles with depression. She doesn't like to medicate, but she doesn't like to feel depressed, either.

About a year ago, I was doing some snooping and discovered what I deemed to be the start of an EA. The guy lived on the other side of the country. There were things he was saying which clearly crossed the line. W did not discourage the talk, and there were times where what she said crossed the line as well.

I was admittedly ready to leave, as I had one foot out the door and that should've been the second. When I had calmed down, we talked and she admitted that talking to this OM made her feel good. I understand this, but what hurts is that my LL is words of affirmation, and I tell her those things literally multiple times a day, every day. She went NC and has stuck to that.

I have continued to work on myself, because that's the only thing that I can truly control. I've increased my yearly earnings by 50% and I've maintained the weight I've lost. I'm currently looking to lose more, but I'm happy with where I'm at.

Like I said, our R is in a good place. I've changed and definitely have more of a back bone now. I stand up for myself in petty arguments, and don't just give in. It could be something that I don't really care about one way or another, but if she starts to get accusatory, I stand my ground.

This has led to more respect from my wife. I'm not a pushover any more, and I find her engaging with me in more decision making, rather than just making decisions on her own.

I'm starting to make too many decisions on my own, though, which is something I'm trying to work on. I need to be better about communicating my plans.

I just want to clarify to everyone that I am happy with where my life is, but by no means is overcoming an A the end of the journey, and a good M is a byproduct of give and take, and good communication. There are still times where we fight, and i've learned that fighting IS sometimes GOOD for a R.

I am where I am because I've taken ownership of my actions and decisions, and I've stopped letting people pull me in 100 different directions. I do things now because I want to, not out of obligation to anyone. I needed to take care of myself and I needed to put W and I back on the same, level playing field again, before a positive outcome could take place. We are at the place now.

I feel respected by my family and I have gained new respect for myself through all of this.