WAS OR WHAT 10

[Treasur]

I guess my question was about dreams, both individual and shared, can be more of the deep, fun, future-focused stuff, a way to gently unfold new bits of each other. Goals might be a bit more humdrum and linked to lessons from the past.

[roist]

oFY

Great to hear from you.

Maybe what I am doing is working!!! But I hear and second you. I also heard a M expert give his top tip to husband's about having a good M: give her what she wants. I say why not. It is not so simple and should not be done as a "nice guy"

However throughout this I have often thought that both W and I seem to have same sentiments, frustrations and issues but she put me on the enemy team. Recent episodes back up that but less of the enemy.

I am prepared to take a few more steps alone or first. I won't do it with condition but will add my requests to the table in time.

I have time. No need for knee jerk reactions. I take on peoples advice, mould NY opinion and then take appropriate actions.

Tresure, for me goals can be related to dreams, notjust mundane. Main high I say

[roist]

NY= my

Main= aim

Also meant to mention that being distant helps with detaching but hinders connection or possible connection. I did what I needed to get this far. I review periodically to see what continues to serve me.
Thanks. Again FY

[Treasur]

Maybe dreams are a more fun and less scary way to connect

[HaWho]

I also see many positives.

If the kids are overwhelming and your w is interested in doing more when they are busy, why not try something different here? Maybe hire a babysitter and either have her put the kids to bed or you two put the kids to bed and then go do something fun.

She wants more time with you. That is HUGE!

[bttrfly]

Hi Roist,

Seems that things are moving in a more + direction, as HA noted - wanting to spend more time with you IS huge! xoxoxoxo

[roist]

Thanks HaWho and bttfly for your views and support.

[Gordie]

How are you doing? Have you tried opening up more?

[roist]

Gordie, thanks for asking. I may ramble but here is my answer!

Just after I picked up a bug and due to low energy I spent a lot of time resting. This may have prevented me striking while the iron was hot but I am not sure that would be better. So I used the time to share with you guys and reflect.

I still think my situation will continue to unroll glacially slow, so my thinking is around long term improvements introduced slowly and steadily.

I came across a podcast about happy W happy life, which struck a cord with me. Two suggestions in particular.
1. Keep a W journal noting many different kinds of thingsthat W likes, says, wants etc. It is a tool to track and remember imp stuff about W and more importantly to use to show you listened.
2 randomly do añ appreciation day for spouce which basically uses notes from journal to prepare stuff targeted to show appreciation

I have started the journal and include things to talk about and other actions to do together. This is small stuff to chat about each evening. So yes I have started being more active at opening up. From time to time I intend to bring up bigger stuff. I will test the waters and see how things go.

I love the appreciation day, but I am not sure it is appropriate for someone checked out. It could help her feel appreciated and listened to. Inversely it could show I didn't listen to her telling me she is checked out. Any thoughts?

I am inclined to try it as at this stage if no one does anything, nothing will happen. Plus I feel detached enough to handle anything.

Got to go.

Best wishes readers

[Gordie]

R,

I think it's a good idea for you to keep experimenting and monitoring results. I like your idea of writing down things she says she likes and appreciates and then following up on them. Appreciation day? Yeah, sounds like it may be too much for this season.