Last two days have been a glimpse into the past. W has been in contact by phone. She spent the evening with the family last night. We talked on the phone this AM. Throughout the day multiple texts we are planning an event for the kids. A call this evening just to ask how the rest of my day went and actually had her laughing a couple times. W has not laughed with me in almost a year.
Now some truth...
This scares me... so have so much hope that things will Workout but every time I see progress I feel like I'm having panic attack.
Real progress has been made since the day lost my patience with her and placed some boundaries on what I would except as far as communication with kids and myself. W still spends a great deal of time alone and sleeping if not at work. But now will call even if tired and try to talk with the kids sometimes just to say good night. I thanked her for this the other night she looked at me and said it's nothing. I looked at her and said a goodnight by voice is 100 times better The a text and if she needed proof I would send her a picture of the kids well the were on the phone with her. She started to tear up hugged me and said she needed to leave. W texted me later that night and Thanked me for a good evening.
Lots of good going on but can't seem to keep the ROCK of my chest.
Today was a GAL day some biking and volunteer work at community garden
Last 10 days the W has been trying very hard to be part of the family. Well she is with us I can tell she is having fun. I watch from a distance and you can actually see her shut down. In a matter of minutes she can go From m happy to looking completely knackered.
My son has started to understand and deal with the situation better he has a good support network with his councillor and One or two of his friends. My daughter well what can I say tipical girl dad knows nothing..
I continue to try and GAL. My biking season will end shortly so I though I might take up wall climbing.
My W and I have contact every day now by phone it is always positive and she has expressed an interest to do things as a couple like going for a walk or coffee. We have full day family things once every couple weeks. We attend church and have a regular family tv/game with dinner. This has been regular for last 6 weeks.
I feel this is all positive but as I read other threads I see opinions given like cake eating.
I guess I would think that if I saw her having a active social life but that is a definite no. Still lots of alone time and sleep when not with us or working
Spending morw and more time together. W is in touch daily now is quick to smile and be part of conversations. We have started to do things as a couple coffee and walks and the odd lunch date. When she comes to the house she helps with dinner and is paft of the family interactions. She talks about the changes she sees in me but is worried its not a perminate thing. When she talks like that i dont respond i hope my actions speak for me.
W also is more involved with the kids and is coming to all of my sons Games.
Also small shows of affections. Hand rezted on my shoulder, during walks she will place her hand in mine.
I have started to share some of my plans GAL activities with her. She shows interst and will call and ask about my day and discuss it.
Little but steady improvement i ask god for continued patience and the will to keep making myself a better person.
QUESTION
What are peoples thoughts on asking WAW to come home or should that come from a decision she makes not a request from me...
What are peoples thoughts on asking WAW to come home or should that come from a decision she makes not a request from me...
Why? What has changed in the past dozen days?
Quote:
You can actually see her shut down. In a matter of minutes she can go From m happy to looking completely knackered.
IMHO, it doesn't sound as if she is quite ready. Is she seeing a doctor for her imbalanced hormones? Is she getting counseling? Is she still spending as much time in bed?
Going back together before she is more stable, could result in a fast relapse that would set her farther back. If that was to happen, it would be more difficult for her to try again. It seems to me that it would be better to give it more time.
Is she asking about coming home, or is it you that's getting anxious?
BTW, I meant to tell you earlier that you need to stop being Mr. Fixit. Women want to vent about their job\day. They want to be heard by their H......not fixed.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Just getting ahead of myself. Yes anxiety is high.
Ask here First so I don’t plant foot deep in mouth!!
As far as fixing I have pulled back on that.
So many great things over the last month nice to have signs of the old w back. With her having a big part in planning and suggestions for family time and trips it is very easy for me to go 0-60.
She doesn’t talk about coming home. It is more along the lines of how much she enjoyed time with us. She does tell my son that she is working on coming home.
W does still show signs of fatigue but will acknowledge it. She is seeing a doctor but does not share the details and I don’t ask.
If she is doing better with the kids, that is certainly encouraging. I hope you can keep your impatience checked, b\c as long as she is saying she's working on going back home.....then she knows she isn't ready at the moment.
I'm glad to hear she is seeing a doctor.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
So things continue on a positive note.. only thing that has me a little confused my w tried to start an argument with me just very Kurt and snippy. I looked at her smiled and said “. I don’t know why your upset and I feel there isn’t enough time for you to explain (she had work) so please have a good day and rest assured I will to. She had a look on her face I had to turn away so I wouldn’t smile again at her. She apologize to my son later in the day and actually came and seen me later and visited well I worked in the yard.
I feel like I’m being tested just little things but I know when I have reacted the right way because my w will actively search out me.
I look at the changes in myself and even my kids and it is all good things. They never had a problem showing there love to their mother and now the w will always make statements like if the want me to or I don’t know if they want.
It’s like she is trying to convince her self that we don’t want her around she sees things we have accomplished around the house and she will almost break into tears.
That last bit didn’t sound positive but she is making the choice to be at the house and be involved with family outings on a regular bases.
First time in months I did some snooping it had me so bothered I could not sleep last night. I check a phone bill mostly because my w is being a little vague about time she spends with a friend this friend is not pro marriage Rec and it gets me going 0-60. Having a hard time minding my own business and just moving forward....
Just that we had no reason to argue. All these good things going on why try and ruin things with a fight...
You think rationally. She doesn't. You have the ability to categorize. She doesn't. She is not going to do actions that make sense. It is one of the potholes the LBH can hit, when he thinks everything is going smoothly.......Wham! Then he left feeling dazed and confused.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
