Reposting my last main comment with responses to it.
I texted W: "I won't be joining for the hike. These activities are painful for. I hope you understand and respect my feelings. I am sure all you have will have a great time. Thanks for the invite."
She responds: "Okay. When you want to talk to me, I'm here. Until then, I won't ask. I'll assume you want to keep me at arms length, which is fine. But I'm here, but I won't reach out."
What the hell! Is she DBing me?? lolz.
What am I supposed to do now? If I reach out, it's basically pursuing and opening up MR talks. But if I don't, she's gonna think that I don't want to talk about anything.
I need HELP!!
From doodler:
Quote:
The problem is your text to your wife. In the future, you can decline her offer without being needy and mopey. Don't worry about future interactions. It's one mistake and you'll do better next time
From Joseph:
Quote:
M-train.....you could respond with. Thanks, I am here as well when you are ready to work on our MR. Until then.....peace, I got the speakers thumping!
That's a great suggestion Joseph. Building on what you said, here is what I am thinking.
"Thanks. I am here as well when you are ready to work on our MR - I didn't ask for the S and told you from day 1 that I was willing to work on it. Let me know whenever you would want to work on it."
I would leave off the last sentence but pls wait until the heavy hitters weigh in. They may not like since it implies you are over here just waiting on her.
This is just absurd. I have already told her a few times now the following things:
1. I am willing to work on the MR when she wants to. 2. We can go to MC, but I need her to go to IC first. 3. I do not want the S, but I will respect her decision.
It's like she doesn't remember any of this. I don't get it. I feel like a broken record now.
That's a great suggestion Joseph. Building on what you said, here is what I am thinking.
"Thanks. I am here as well when you are ready to work on our MR - I didn't ask for the S and told you from day 1 that I was willing to work on it. Let me know whenever you would want to work on it."
Personally, I wouldn't add the second part. Maybe just ""Thanks. I am here as well when you are ready to work on our MR"
W already knows you did not ask for it, and she knows you were willing to work on it. Bringing that up might dredge up negative feelings?
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
This is just absurd. I have already told her a few times now the following things:
1. I am willing to work on the MR when she wants to. 2. We can go to MC, but I need her to go to IC first. 3. I do not want the S, but I will respect her decision.
It's like she doesn't remember any of this. I don't get it. I feel like a broken record now.
Maybe she is in her own fog, and doesn't want to blame herself for the situation, so she is projecting?
My W does that to. She projects and deflects like a champ.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
This is just absurd. I have already told her a few times now the following things:
1. I am willing to work on the MR when she wants to. 2. We can go to MC, but I need her to go to IC first. 3. I do not want the S, but I will respect her decision.
It's like she doesn't remember any of this. I don't get it. I feel like a broken record now.
Why do you think she doesn't remember?
It seems clear that the two of you don't agree on a course of action, but that doesn't mean she doesn't remember what you said.
I agree sharing your feelings is a good 180, but these specific feelings might not have been the best ones to start with.
I wouldn't respond to this text at all, because the situation is spiraling down. Her response seems perfectly valid. But it does put you in the position of having to reach out if you want contact.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
