W just sent me an email asking me if she could take our girls on Thurs night instead of Wed night this week. Last week she wanted to trade the same night (said she was going out with GF's for their last summer night together, they are all teachers) and offered to take them on Fri and Sat. Since it was a trade I agreed.
During the summer I always had them on Wed nights so it appears she has standing mid-week plans since she is asking again (it might be a coincidence though since she originally agreed to take them this Wed unless she forgot). I always assumed she was having an affair with a married man just a hunch since she was so quick to move out of the house but has not been eager to force a D. With that said maybe Wed evenings was their date night and he told his W he was working late and is meeting my W etc. Everything in mind wants to call her out and ask her what's going on but I know I can't correct?
I know this answer! Don't call her out.
M: 41 W: 41 Married 2003 2 boys 9 & 6 Bomb Dropped May 2017
Kylo is probably right. But...a little light turned on in my head (that's probably not a good thing).
Recently, on another forum, we had a little tete-a-tete about psychics. I'm squarely against charlatans and I'd classify psychics and their ilk as charlatans. Apparently a lot of people disagree with me.
I just realized there is a good use for psychics. If your wife believes in psychics you can tell her you went to a psychic and the psychic told you that your wife is cheating on you. Ha! That's not snooping, right?
Warning: Don't try this at home because it requires lying.
LOL guys, I won't. I have moved on, just a week moment!
LH,
Good point, your right. I guess I am already tolerating it/accepting it since I haven't filed for D myself and I am completely sure something is going on. Maybe being S makes it easier to handle since she is not doing it right in front of my face or in the house?
I appreciate your compliment on how I have been doing at DBing. The hardest part for me has been to not conduct my own temp checks and detaching. I still have a hard time falling to sleep at night as my mind starts to wonder. I also think it has been easier for me because my W has not given any mixed messages to suck me back in.
I didn't necessarily feel a level of disrespect. Does that make sense?
No it doesn't. How can your W being in an A while you are married be anything but disrespect?
I am not saying you can't work through it, but I can't see how it would be viewed as otherwise.
Ok LH19, but what if the A (EA and/or PA) started after the separation? The marriage is only a piece of paper at that point and so would that count as disrespect. It is obviously fuched up, and the other person is just hella moving fast, but I am wondering if you would classify as the same sort of disrespect if the partner is having an A while living under the same roof as married and not separated.
Just to be clear "temp checks" are when the WW spouse checks to see if the LBS is still attached/interested. Usually to ensure that they will still be there as plan B.
I think you do show signs of detaching.
Assuming your wife is in some sort of an A, is your goal still to reconcile?
Ok LH19, but what if the A (EA and/or PA) started after the separation? The marriage is only a piece of paper at that point and so would that count as disrespect. It is obviously fuched up, and the other person is just hella moving fast, but I am wondering if you would classify as the same sort of disrespect if the partner is having an A while living under the same roof as married and not separated.
Yes I would unless it was discussed otherwise in advance that it would be part of the separation process.
I can almost guarantee that if she is in an A it was going on before the separation.
LH.....as of right now yes or I would have filed myself. I do love her and our children are so young that I feel like I owe it to them to see if our family can be restored. If that means I sacrifice myself for an opportunity in the future then currently I am willing assuming my W would want to do the work herself. If I remember right your children was one of the main reasons why you stuck it out so long with your W and you gave it your all.
If I remember right your children was one of the main reasons why you stuck it out so long with your W and you gave it your all.
Yes. If I didn't have kids I probably would have filed a year ago.
Just to be clear, I am not judging I am just trying to see where your at right now. If an A was a deal breaker you may be better off filing now. There is nothing wrong with fighting for your kids and your family.
As Txhubby has posted many times "limbo can suck the life out of you and make you crazy"
It still brings tears to my eyes when I think about my D's. It is happening now as I type and it breaks my heart. I have more emotion over them than I do my W.
I know your not judging, I never thought it for a second.
Thanks for the confidence I do know that I have a lot to offer, have a good job, good head on my shoulders and won't have a problem moving forward. I definitely consider myself a great catch for some lucky lady! I got in a funk at the time my W started to change herself and it was probably the perfect storm.
I know I can't do this limbo thing forever. I originally told myself I would take it a month at a time and evaluate from there. Not sure why she hasn't filed yet but obviously she is not in rush. If I don't see any breaks in her heart within 6 months (assuming she hasn't filed) I think I am really going to have to reassess the situation. I don't expect to be back together but something that lets me know it's not completely over.
It still brings tears to my eyes when I think about my D's. It is happening now as I type and it breaks my heart. I have more emotion over them than I do my W.
I know what you mean but those feelings will subside in time.
I just was on vacation with my kids for 7 of the last 9 days and we had a blast. A year ago I never thought that would be possible without my wife.
I think 6 months is a reasonable time-frame.
In the mean time get out and do crazy $hit, keep the gym going, read self help books and keep telling yourself that you will be fine either way!
