Have a nice time at dinner. Just what the doctor ordered. I am out for drinks at my dear neighbors who have taken me under their wing and never met H.
I, too, used to very extroverted and fun and full of questions. I was so strong and thought if my husband ever had an affair that would be it and couldn't understand other women who put up with it. Oh how naive. Am too exhausted and tired of sounding like crazy lady trying to explain MLC. Now, I am afraid to ask anyone if they are married, etc. as I feel like it may be too personal a question. WTF?
I have also pulled back from a lot of friends as with some I felt like they lost all respect for me for letting this go in for so long; although, I worked super hard to never appear as victim or tell them everything because I thought if they knew all the freaky sick things my husband did they would commit me for ever considering making the marriage work. Well, no worries there.
Sadly the MLC changes us too and not always for the best. That said, you will glam up, look beautiful and have a great time being in the safety of company who care for you. Have a great time. Get the old Treasur back.
Me-54 H-49 T-1. M-7 BD 6/13 ILYBN I threw him out OW - 3/13 OW2 on and off Overlap w/Ow1and OW3 OW3 - 8/17 H filed 1/17
I think it's like any other big life experience. I had no idea what bereavement was like, for instance, until I watched my father die. Now, I understand the unspoken things if I'm with someone else who is bereaved.
People mostly mean well but it can be hard to soak up others' emotions and opinions too, can't it? I'm really confident that neither of us are loons but this MLC stuff is right out there. Never imagined I'd deal with some of things I have. I understand some of our friends who loved my H were as shocked as me and then took their own road from support to confusion and anger. They are too angry to see the reality as anything other than excuses for H's appalling behaviour towards everyone. He cut them dead too, and many tried to stay in touch with him for over a year. Some of my friends are angry because they have seen my pain close-up when my H didn't because he ran away, and they understandably want me to do the whole Gloria Gaynor routine. The few friends, and acquaintances, that I have found 'get it' are ones who have had mental health or addiction issues in their families. They get the freaky sick WTF thing!
Don't know how all this has changed me yet, or what's good, bad or neutral about it. I guess I'll see. I do know I've experienced emotions and thoughts in the last two years I've never had before, and some I'll be happy to never have again!
Part of me wants to cancel and curl up with the cat, but I won't.
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
*Odd MLC sighting* Just had an email from STBXH aka Mr Divorce Is The Only Option (DIOO, ha ha). Asking if he can keep cards from me & photos that he said a few months ago he 'were no longer necessary' and a chess table my father made for him. I said, sure. He replied 'thank you for being so kind. it's very you and more than I deserve'
This is true - lol! But I've never hated him for more than about 10 minutes, and I'm just not a petty person. Never have been. Still, surprised he wants to keep this stuff but maybe in years to come, it will help him remember the good things. They are odd emotional creatures, these MLCers, sort of predictably unpredictable.
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
Treasur, mine does this. He thinks he's gone too far in something and then tries to hoover me back by sending an ecard or a formal email that asks how I'm doing, etc. Best to ignore. Part of his sickness. Wants to move on but afraid to cut the cord.
I've read some of your thread and I'm so sorry you find yourself here. I know you are in a difficult place and I wish I could tell you that when you D, you magically feel different. X Mr. GB left about 3 1/2 years ago and I can honestly say that there are still difficult days. Days where I wonder "how the hay did this shizzle happen???" But it did.
Yes, you need to get financials squared away. However, you don't have to make any decisions about what *will* or *will not* happen with him down the road. We simply don't know. You will probably realize your feelings are fluid.
Take care of yourself and have fun. You are going around once so enjoy yourself. Hugs!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I didn't read anything into it. Just that it was an odd 180 from about a fortnight ago.
To be honest, I need all my mental energy to PMA my future at the same time as still, like georgia belle said, grieving for my H. Don't expect D to be a magic fix (that one belongs to Mr DIOO!) but is some kind of end to the chaos because I won't need to interact with him.
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
Just got another. He's been to see his psychiatrist today. Said he's 'looking forward to talking on Weds'. I ignored, doesn't need a reply.
Besides, if I was honest, I'd say 'surprised to hear that as I'm planning to screw you on your pension while you feel guilty when we talk financial stuff'! Yup, no reply is better, I think...
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
Pink sunrise here. Few more tears last night. Still can't believe sometimes what happened to H/us...but it is what it is. I think of them as two people, I guess. H who is essentially dead. Sick H who is different and doesn't care about me at all. This MLC/depression stuff is a mindff**k isn't it? I don't know if he even remembers who he was, let alone me.
Getting rid of photos and mementoes today. Expect more tears but will be nice to remember who H was, before I clear my mind to deal with Sick H later this week.
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
