I LIKE this Treasur too. That's the way to kick in that old sparkly girl who's been hidden inside you!! Seriously, I think righteous anger is better, at least for me. It gives me some energy back to fight/stand up for myself, which gives me a better deal in the end.
I'm rooting for you, girlfriend. You keep me in your positive vibes, took as I move toward this crazy weekend. I'm sure I'll be hiding in the closet, asking for help from you friends, at each turn of events.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
One of the things (just one!) I find so bewildering about STBXH's behaviour is how he says he wants x but then acts in a way which is almost the opposite.
He said he wanted to 'move on' and to not go to Court. That going to Court will bankrupt him and cost him his job. He asked me to propose a � settlement. I did as he asked. He's had a week to say yes/no/alternative. No action at all. Even in a crazy MLC head, how does that make sense? Why wouldn't he just do it to get what he says he wants, to be done and free? Any ideas?
I'm really tired of mind reading crazy but I can't completely disconnect yet because of the D process. Not only have I let go in my heart now, I actually want him to go away now. I just need him to let me go so I can get away from this madness...sigh
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
Hmmm. Like the letter and I get it but will say I am not sure how he will take it. I can only relate this to my situation and husband. (Why does it always come back to me, me, me! Lol). I hope he will have a moment of clarity and man-up; however, that is not his track record. My husband has been unable to articulate or truly explore his feelings and what happened with out marriage. As a result, he just runs from any kind of confrontation or exploration of his feelings or demons. Your husband may, in his warped mind, think the reference to your marriage is you not giving up hope. Not because that is what you meant but how warped their thinking is.
So, I think you should prepare for not hearing anything from him, or for a surprise Absolute (ok, that is my paranoia). I hope I am totally wrong and not knowing him or how your communication has been or his state-of-mind, that he will agree with you.
Have you considered phoning him? That is when I have had the most productive conversations. I think my husband hears the detachment as I am friendly but businesslike but also show I am looking to work as a team to resolve this. Sometimes I think they are so afraid of our anger as they know we are justified in having such.
At least you got to get some of it out there and on paper and hopefully that makes you feel a little lighter. It's on the record that you are being the bigger more mature person and trying to move forward. Good on you.
Keep us posted.
Me-54 H-49 T-1. M-7 BD 6/13 ILYBN I threw him out OW - 3/13 OW2 on and off Overlap w/Ow1and OW3 OW3 - 8/17 H filed 1/17
Ok, got this reply. I hate him this morning. Does prove a) mind reading was wrong and b) he absolutely wants this D above all and has no feelings for me at all.
Dear W
I agree that we should take a breath and sort this out calmly. I'm sorry you haven't heard anything from your solicitor though - the reply went to Lucy and then to whoever is on her out of office on Wednesday afternoon so hopefully that's cleared up. I don't think it was an unreasonable reply so hopefully we can get this agreed soon and then move forward calmly.
H
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
Sorry, just having a gulp-y moment. Stupid I know after so long, but it is bewildering that this cold s**t wears the same face as the H who loved me. Not hurting as such, just shock. I really can't get how anyone can act this way towards someone they loved for so long. I didn't deserve it.
You'd think from his response that this was a normal amicable kind of divorce, not one where he has put me through crazy hell and ignored me for almost 2 years.
I don't really hate him but I hope somewhere inside him he is suffering or will. I'll allow myself that for today, I think
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
Never thought I would be this person. I assume his response is a counter-offer. Right now, I feel like saying f**k it and taking us to Court. It will just finish what he has done to destroy us both but I'm not sure I care. I don't really have anything left to lose.
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
Oh Treasur you poor thing and no you don't deserve this.
I think you need to go practical mode. Find out what his response is and go from there. Try and step away from the memories and emotion and treat it like a business arrangement just while you find out his response. You can't deal it all at once and you need your wits about you to ensure you get financially, what you can from this. I don't mean that maliciously but you need to protect yourself.
SJ x
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
I'm hurting here. I don't know what to do with this anger and helplessness. I want to do something which hurts him, even if it hurts me too. Crazy lady today.
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
