WW won't separate

[AnotherStander]

Very sorry to hear it's coming to a D, but if you are in the right frame of mind and feel this is the best choice for you moving forward then do it.

I have been doing the compassionate thing and asking my W to schedule a sit down with both attorneys. She is dragging her feet.

It's not unusual. I think it's because they don't want to close the door on Plan B, and they know that after D the LBS is likely to move on.

Curious to know what others have done in this stage.

After S and during the D proceedings I did try to keep things cordial and upbeat with W. She came in at the last moment and added a bunch of money into the settlement (that she wanted me to pay her) and when I (very politely) asked her to explain where it was coming from she got irate and said we'd let the lawyers fight it out in court. I was trying to finalize a business decision that I did not want to make until after D so that it wouldn't get tied up in the D, plus I was getting anxiety just thinking about a prolonged court battle. So I ended up agreeing to it and the D was little more than a 15 minute long formality in a court. Walking out of their divorced felt surreal to be honest. But I did feel like a great weight had been lifted too, it was a relief. Not sure if that really answers your question though.

[resolut]

Hi AnotherStander,

Thanks for that. I'm just feeling a little frustrated right now that she's not making any effort to get started on the D. I know that I can just file and maybe I will have to. I wish I could have reached this point sooner but it took me almost 6 months to let go and realize completely that I can be so much better off without her and to stop thinking she would come back.

Now I'm the one asking her to leave me alone and just let me go. My prayers have also switched over in this way.

The gift of time though is an incredible thing. I have become more of who I should be in the past month. I just want it now to keep going and need to have the D behind me.

[sandi2]

I'm just feeling a little frustrated right now that she's not making any effort to get started on the D. I know that I can just file and maybe I will have to

From where I sit, it appears you have experienced a lot of frustration due to waiting on her throughout your DBing time. You were either waiting for her to end her A, or to tell you where she was with the R, or getting another cell phone, or something else. Now, you are waiting on her to make some effort to start the D proceedings. Can you not see it is a pattern you have? If you are ready to D, then why continue to wait around on her?

[resolut]

Sandi2,

I have filed.

Ultimately you are right. One thing that I have come to discover is that I was far too nice and respecting throughout this process. Back on BD I should have insisted she leave and refused to spend family time with her, etc. Maybe the way I acted was all out of fear. Perhaps by trying to be respectful I thought she would come back. I see this is all wrong now. I may never be the person that can do that. It may never be in my nature. On the other hand though, no one should ever be treated the way that I was - lied to, betrayed, disrespected, shut down, etc.

I am walking away from my marriage now and thinking about the possibilities for the rest of my life. My next relationship will be so much richer from what I now know and feel. I am enjoying the time and freedom that I now have.

[AnotherStander]

I wish I could have reached this point sooner but it took me almost 6 months to let go and realize completely that I can be so much better off without her and to stop thinking she would come back.

I think any sooner than that and you would have been making the decision emotionally rather than rationally. You need that time to sort your feelings first, so you were right to wait.

[Tread]

I with AnotherStander. First 6 months it's completely dealing with your emotions. By the end of that period is when you really see the WS for who they are. Not to mention you have made serious changes within yourself. Plus you habe had a chance to see if your changes have had any effect.

[Treasur]

The limbo and waiting kills you, but it's understandable - you're in shock, pain and confusion. Tread is right, you can look at things differently after a bit of time has passed.

D isn't easy, particularly when kids are involved. I wish you well and I'm sure that lots of people will be here to support and listen to you as you go.

[Gordie]

Resolut,

How are you doing? How are the kids? Were you able to agree on a settlement amicably or did you have to go to court? Have you had other dates or did you decide to wait on that?