Just be careful, WW have a way of making moves behind your back. Wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she hadn't at least looked into getting the kids passports. And with her mother in the picture don't be surprised if she isn't helping and advising.
Sandi,
Speaking of balls. Not sure if I made situation worse last weekend. Or if that falls along me enforcing my boundaries. Please let me know what you think?
I have no doubt at all that she has a hidden agenda that I do not have visibility into and that her mother (& her brother in this case) are helping and advising too).
But, she won't get to the passports and I'm also banking on her being here and my 180's and the family life having it's effects thousands of miles away from her family for a bit.
Me: 47 Wife: 39 Together: 20 yrs Married: 16 yrs S:9, S:7, D:5, D:1 BD: 7/4/2017 Separation (though living in the same house) 7/20/2017 ?????
So, she's still not back as yet. Her plane went tech on Sunday at the connection. I put her in a nice hotel (this was in London) with the baby for the night and was looking at options with the airline.
The next day she got on the same plane - it spent 4 hours rolling around and then came back to the gate and was cancelled again.
I managed to get her access to the business lounges all of this time.
Anyway, in the end, I got her on a late flight to JFK last night and booked her a hotel room at the airport. Spoke to the hotel and had food and a hygiene care package waiting in the room. She was in a foul mood.
Finally, this morning, she's on her way home. I know she'll be tired and grouchy.
Me: 47 Wife: 39 Together: 20 yrs Married: 16 yrs S:9, S:7, D:5, D:1 BD: 7/4/2017 Separation (though living in the same house) 7/20/2017 ?????
We got into the car and started driving and she laid into me. She told me that she hoped that I hadn't misunderstood when she said she was coming back with an open mind - that nothing had changed and that she had learnt that she felt no love for me and hadn't for a long time!
She then went on to say that she wasn't sure it was a good idea us living in the same house (I had told her that I was staying in the MBR). I told her she was welcome to rent a place nearby -she replied with "wouldn't you like that!"
A bunch of other stuff. Then she said that if I could get a job in her country sooner we would move sooner. I stopped her there and told her that the kids were staying the school year. That we have 4 kids and they need to take priority!
Anyway, I absorbed most of it.
Later on she kept apologizing to me for attacking me straight off the bat. She even asked if we could get a glass of wine and watch a TV show together. I said yes, but then when the kids were all down, she said she was too tired. I told her that was fine.
The kids were really happy to see her and kept asking us not to separate. I stayed out of it.
What a day. Guess I need to fasten my seat belt!
Me: 47 Wife: 39 Together: 20 yrs Married: 16 yrs S:9, S:7, D:5, D:1 BD: 7/4/2017 Separation (though living in the same house) 7/20/2017 ?????
Did she even thank you for how you booked the nice rooms, etc.?
The way she behaved when riding back for the airport........is that typical? I gathered from your post that you can predict her behavior when she's in a bad mood. In past times when she was in a bad mood and took it out on you........how would you normally respond?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
So, she did say thank you on the phone before she arrived. But, nothing in person.
Yes, you are absolutely correct, when she is very tired or stressed, she will go into a really bad mood. My normal response was to absorb this as I knew this wasn't really her. Much as I did here.
Today, so far has been calm. She is constantly talking about the move and how this year here is not what she want. She told me that she just wants to go home to her parents and be a little girl again.
She also brought up that her parents are coming and that they will be staying for alot longer than we had discussed. I asked her to stop the conversation and if we could discuss it in couples counselling as I didn't want an argument and I do want my opinion to be heard. She agreed, but did say that her parents would be coming as they want to make sure that their daughter is ok.
It's really tough looking happy all day!!!
Me: 47 Wife: 39 Together: 20 yrs Married: 16 yrs S:9, S:7, D:5, D:1 BD: 7/4/2017 Separation (though living in the same house) 7/20/2017 ?????
So, I told her I was going out tomorrow - didn't give any details, but just wanted to make sure she didn't have plans so that one of us could be here to look after the kids.
She said fine.
I noticed after that her mood went sour.
She then told me that she is going out tonight. And has.
Also, she complimented me today about how I'm taking care of everything around the house. And then added "if you had done this 5 years ago, things could have been different today"
She then kept saying that it isn't just about problems in the past year. I said to her I never said it was.
Me: 47 Wife: 39 Together: 20 yrs Married: 16 yrs S:9, S:7, D:5, D:1 BD: 7/4/2017 Separation (though living in the same house) 7/20/2017 ?????
Also, she complimented me today about how I'm taking care of everything around the house. And then added "if you had done this 5 years ago, things could have been different today"
Ah, don't you believe it for a minute! If a woman is in love, she is not going to leave him b/c he didn't wash the dishes, or whatever around the house. At least, a normal woman wouldn't end her M over something like that. However, if she grew up being pampered and spoiled by her parents, and if you came along and followed their example and accommodated her to the extreme.......then she is probably very spoiled and feels entitled. I get the impression her family caters to her wishes, and that's why she wants to go back. These are the worst, b/c they are consumed with selfishness. Does she do her share around the house?
As much as she is talking about moving, don't you think she's prepping for mother's arrival? I think that has been the plan between her and her mother. She'll take the kids out of school, move them to her country......and you can leave or stay. You may want to get legal advice and see if there's anything you can do to prevent her taking your children out of the country.
You did really good by telling her you have plans to go out.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You are absolutely right, she was (& is spoilt). To be fair though, I always knew that and accepted that as part of the package, so I can't blame her for it.
Despite this, she did do by far the bulk of the housework. I was working very long hours, but, to be fair, could have done more around the house.
I have no doubt though that she does not feel love for me at the moment. Her heart is closed right now and I am nowhere near that. The question is going to be if I can open it again. I don't have the answer to that question, but her eyes are not showing any warmth towards me at all!
I still don't think she's going to take the kids and run. For alot of reasons, but, not least of which, she can't support herself or them without me as she doesn't work and couldn't get a job in her country earning much more than minimum wage. Her parents are both retired and don't have much.
Please keep the comments coming as they really help me with perspective which is difficult to see from within the roller coaster!
Me: 47 Wife: 39 Together: 20 yrs Married: 16 yrs S:9, S:7, D:5, D:1 BD: 7/4/2017 Separation (though living in the same house) 7/20/2017 ?????
So, this morning, she told me she was going out to get some clothes (long story, but it won't cost us money). She had to go to an IC session first. She then invited me to come and join her. I was surprised, but accepted.
Anyway, she called me as soon as she finished the IC and told me that she didn't want me to come and wanted to be on her own.
We have a Couples counselling in a bit, I have a VERY bad feeling!
Me: 47 Wife: 39 Together: 20 yrs Married: 16 yrs S:9, S:7, D:5, D:1 BD: 7/4/2017 Separation (though living in the same house) 7/20/2017 ?????
