You sound so happy and at ease. I am glad you are enjoying the holiday season and leaving your MLCer to his own devices.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Hi Pax, I'm glad to read this update - it sounds like you are in a pretty good place all things considered - so go you!!
Funny, your comment about 'it's his to own' - I think I may have mentioned that one a number of times. I can't really take any credit for that as I'm sure I've picked it up from another, wiser poster along the way.
I'm sorry that the D process continues to be difficult. It's well worth maintaining a strong sense of what is worth fighting for and what to back away from. For me it was the formula - We take total assets, you leave with what you brought in, so do I and we split the rest 50/50. Quite how we got to the formula, I didn't care - but that's what we ended up with. Every circumstance is different, but it's best to maintain that helicopter view as much as you can & I'm sure you do.
Otherwise - relax and enjoy the festive season! Xxx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thank you, Gordie! I appreciate your sentiments. I'm standing in your corner rooting for you!
Thank you, Sotto! Yea, you mentioned it many times and while I heard you, it's finally sinking in. I don't want to be anywhere near his crazy! It's all on him. I just need to manage myself.
I could only dream to get to an agreement that is similar to the formula that you and your ex used. Let me tell ya, the sky would be falling if ex ever got to that place. That's all I've been trying for this whole time, but we're still at the juncture of what's mine is his, what's his is his, and what's ours is his. It's crazy.
Actually, we had an email interaction recently and when logic is placed forth that kind of forces him to have to agree with it, he makes up a new rule to kind of punish me. He just makes sh*t up as he goes along to ensure that he still feels in complete control while giving me a little "check" to ensure I know my place.
It's funny sometimes. I just want to blurt out, "what planet are you on?!!?!" Oh well..... Yes, Gordie, I'll be leaving him to his own devices.
Your h doesn't have a clue what planet he's on and he most likely would look at you w/those deer in the headlights look. LOL!
I think you are doing very well w/your situation. Hang in there as 2018 will hopefully be a better year for you.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Pax, I have to deal with someone similar so I know how awful it is when the person you loved has to let you know all the time how much they dislike you and how beneath them you are. I just have to keep reminding myself that it is his disorder and it can't take away my experience. Best to you in getting to the other side.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you for the support and holiday sentiments, Job, Pinn, Own, and Coly. Appreciate you all!
So, it's morning time where I live and I'm sitting around enjoying my coffee with mom's homemade Christmas cookies. This is probably one of my favorite rituals during the holiday season. I just feel so relaxed... Got my pup snuggled up next to me. Life is really good.
The third christmas without ex was a success. He barely popped into my mind all day. I had such a great, fun, festive day yesterday and I wondered if he even would miss this sort of thing. That was the only time I thought of him.
so, here on the DB boards, we often hear that MLCers have narcissistic tendencies. I've seen this a ton in my ex especially throughout the d process. While I don't feel comfortable diagnosing my ex with any condition (other than MLC), I thought I would do some research on the aspect of divorcing someone with narcissism.
Needless to say, there is a ton of research out there on the subject! I'm shocked (and yet not shocked at all).
Pretty crazy how the studies have outlined the EXACT same things I'm going through in my D. The manipulation, psychological warfare, the deceit with funds. Wow! Just like there's an MLC script, there's a script for the narcissist's behavior during a divorce as well. His behavior has literally checked all the boxes.
This discovery (I've been reading on the subject for just over a week) has actually helped me. At my core, I'm not OK being the bad guy. And all this reading helps to reassure me that I'm doing the right thing. I'm not a bad guy, and no matter what, he is going to blame me and play victim.... No matter what.
The crazy way they learn to manipulate the legal system is what gets me because that's where I'm at right now. I swear, it's like these psychologists have been following me around the last year. So spot on.
It's just weird to me that 2.5 years ago, I started reading on the board... At the time I was so in love with my ex still. The agony of being discarded and stomped on was almost too much to endure, but I was committed to saving my marriage because I thought it was worth it and we could work out our differences with some effort. But now, this kind of feels like my divorce, I need to be freed of this man. I must. For my own sanity.
Anyway, it was weird to stumble on the research, but it was nice to get some validation of what has been going on the last year.
Hmmm. Back to Christmas cookies and pup snuggles, because that's what is important right now.
