Currently confused on the behavior of a WW who went from violent to trying to be caring in the span of 3 days. At this point, seriously detaching and staying away from W the best I can. And to contact a lawyer about moving on from this MR. Not trying to make an emotional decision. But W has crossed several boundaries.
My main concern is that you make a decision that you truly want. It does seem best if there is a physical separation. But sometimes a counselor can help you navigate this terrain and operate as an independent referee at times.
It's kind of frustrating to be in our positions at times. So I get that. But we have to decide on what our desired end goal is and what the best way to reach that goal is no matter how hard it may get.
I seriously get where your coming from. And at the end of the day, I want the MR to work out. But this person that my W has become is someone that I don't want at all. And I am all up for counselling. But W isn't having it and hasn't seen her IC in several months. Believe her IC told her the truth about herself and W didn't like it. Ran into her IC at my last IC visit. And she asked if my W was ever going to come back. Said that she can't help W if she doesn't ever show up. And even then W has to be willing to listen to the advice being given. At this point, I'm not even sure if I should still validate or be cool with W. Right now, I'm just avoiding for the most part.
that [censored]. Interesting her IC told you that. But at the end of the day you cannot do the work for HER. In your sitch it seems that you should let her go and that she needs to come to a realization herself. If she doesn't go to IC AND she is acting this way towards you than you deserve better. But of course that is easier said than done.
That's why at this point, I just don't seem to give a damn. At least if I am single I can move on, turning this house into a bachelor pad. I have way too many good things going on to chase after this woman. 17 years worth of catching up to do. If W doesn't want to make this MR work, I know for a fact that there are women interested in finding a man with his stuff together.
At this point, I'm not even sure if I should still validate or be cool with W.
Hey, then don't. Sometimes things get so bad that it's better for you to just cut all contact- lock the doors, close the blinds, shut the chimney damper, take the phone off the hook (remember those days? LOL!) and put out a sign that says "don't knock, I'm not home." Do what you need to do for -you-.
I think the rules are also about what it is YOU want and need. And if it is too much for you than you are entitled to do what you want to do.
Either way...it definitely sounds the more you detach the safer and healthier for you. It might lure her back but it seems you have this vicious cycle where she reaches out and then immediately gets scared and withdraws. I have seen some of that early on with W and she still has moments where I think she is doing it but the pattern has been less dysfunctional.
That dysfunction comes from her mother. He mother is 50 years old, alone and has nothing to her name. Could have good men in her life, but choose to live in dysfunction. Everything my W is doing now is something my MIL would do. IC warned me that W would do the very thing that she knows and acting like her mother is it. Normally that withdrawl you speak of comes when she gets back to communicating with OM. Its as if things are going too well, so she sabotages things by getting closer to him.
Just wanted to announce that after years of not being able to get past the 162lbs threshold of losing weight. I have finally gotten down to 160lbs. And have shaved 5 minutes off my run time in just a weeks time. Definitely feeling good about meeting some of my goals. And finished the night by spending a few hours with a few friends at an open night mic night. And I believe we actually may have found a venue for an event that we plan on throwing in a few weeks. I can't help but to kick myself in wondering why I never got around to doing things years ago. So caught up being father and husband that I just failed to do put in effort into the things that I always wanted to do.
For those of you that are going through the emotions of your marriages(like we all currently are). Believe me, GAL is your best option. There is no better feeling than getting back to being you or even finding yourself. Regardless on the direction my marriage goes, I feel that there is so much for me out there. And in some ways, I think I might just be a much better person overall.
