final post in this thread. Cadet my next post will be a new thread so unless there are responses I will start it myself after this one!
Had some positives and negatives.
Positive: - W validated how she took me for granted for doing things for her and that made me so happy that I wanted to tell her that in the car ride home that I appreciate how she recognizes these things BUT
Negative: - In the car ride home she started talking about work and I had a thought that I brought up and shouldn't have but she got snappy and I got defensive and it kind of went on. I tried to de-escalate but W kept quiet. The thing was the thought was something I knew but W insisted that I didn't...it wasn't even relevant just a rare occasion of a topic where I got excited about some connection I had. Dumb on my part.
Neutral: - near the end of car ride she brought up how she doesn't just want to complain about work but that she needs someone who can validate her feelings and she sees me as that person. - She said I should see it as positive that she tried to explain what was upsetting to her. Which is true. (I need to work on letting go of her recognizing that she can be upsetting me too...I can only control myself and I do occasionally slip out of that).
Rest of evening was mostly meh. We did spend time together. We processed it some more. She said don't beat yourself up so much. She also said "this just seems like a lot of work" and later said we both have things to work on. That this is one of those setbacks that occasionally happens. Not very affectionate but not distant either. She was talking to her friend who is a counselor and maybe that influenced how she acted later on and this morning.
This morning she was about to blame me for something not being in the laundry. I just stayed out of it. She closed the bathroom door and came out and said: that wasn't your fault. I closed the door because I was about to go into victim role and blame someone else for something I should have done. I told her that was very nice of her to recognize that. She talked a bit more about struggles at work and I just validated and listened. The car ride over she was quiet but did thank me several times for doing that.
She has a retreat at work and there is a lot of stress there so she probably did have more anxiety about that and was impatient with me that caused the incident. I will bring it up in my IC tomorrow. She is of course also thinking about it being close to the weekend and that our wedding anniversary is coming up soon.
But it is soooo fragile. When it's good it's really good, but one little thing and it seems to lead to an explosion inside of her. Maybe i am doing things I am unaware of. But it's a MAJOR obstacle. I feel that she easily turns into a snappy mood and gets mean towards me but of course she is trying to convince herself that she is better off alone.
Or maybe she is selfish (she has said that about herself) and things have to go on her schedule: so when she needs me she is around. But the counselor has nodded when I said that before W can work on us she has to work on herself so I take that as I will accept it for now since W does make an effort to spent time with me and not just when she feels like it.
