Boston Dad Need of Help Part 2

[Teppo]

Bad day today.

My son and I were walking in a park and ran into my W with her OM. I videoed the encounter. I simply asked the guy "Didn't I ask you to leave my wife alone." He responded by saying "Yes, but that was before..." he stopped talking. I panned my phone to my W, called her name and said "This is a disgrace". I quickly walked back to my car with my son. My son was a wreck and I had to console him like never before.

The W didn't even come to our S. She stayed with the OM!
When I came home she confronted me and said "Have you calmed down yet?". I said "I am calm", "I have nothing to say to you, you've been lying to me this whole time." I said "Talk to my lawyer". Then she said "What do you think you're going to do with those pictures". I said "It was actually a video". She then said, "Well, it's not going to help you". I just walked away.

[leahsue]

No, it may not matter in a court of law, but it matters to YOU.

Hope this helps you move toward detachment. That's about all we can do at this point.
HUGS!

[Rose888]

Bad day today.

My son and I were walking in a park and ran into my W with her OM. I videoed the encounter. I simply asked the guy "Didn't I ask you to leave my wife alone." He responded by saying "Yes, but that was before..." he stopped talking. I panned my phone to my W, called her name and said "This is a disgrace". I quickly walked back to my car with my son. My son was a wreck and I had to console him like never before.

The W didn't even come to our S. She stayed with the OM!
When I came home she confronted me and said "Have you calmed down yet?". I said "I am calm", "I have nothing to say to you, you've been lying to me this whole time." I said "Talk to my lawyer". Then she said "What do you think you're going to do with those pictures". I said "It was actually a video". She then said, "Well, it's not going to help you". I just walked away.

Your son is 7. Was he upset because he saw his mom with OM? Or because he witnessed his parents having a public (and to him probably confusing) confrontation?

[AnotherStander]

My son and I were walking in a park and ran into my W with her OM. I videoed the encounter.

Well it sounded like you were doing pretty well with detachment, but maybe you just thought you were detaching. Because this behavior is not detached! Why the video? What was the point of that? The only reason I can come up with is you wanted to humiliate and embarrass her in front of S, which frankly she didn't need any help with because I'm sure she was doing that just fine on her own.

My son was a wreck and I had to console him like never before.

I'm sure he would have been upset anyway, but I think your actions probably contributed to it quite a bit. My dad dragged me along to go and confront my mom and her OM after they had separated (I did not know where we were going or why at the time). I was older than your S, but it was still a very traumatic experience for me. I'm sure my dad was hoping it would embarrass my mom and maybe even make me hate her, but the whole experience just hurt me deeply, it was like my whole world was turned upside down. I was more upset about their attitude towards each other than anything else, when the people you think love you and love each other are suddenly showing hatred and anger instead, then as a kid you don't understand if it's because of you or directed at you or what. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation again then please, think of your son and just get him out of there as quickly as possible.

"What do you think you're going to do with those pictures". I said "It was actually a video". She then said, "Well, it's not going to help you".

IF you're in a no-fault D state like mine (TX) then she is right.

[Teppo]

I acted out of emotions. Some guys would've done worse. I took the video because I'm tired of her telling me that I'm crazy for think she's having an A.

[Accuray]

Teppo -- no judging here. Ask yourself if you took your son for a walk in that location because you deep down hoped that you would run into her with OM. It's a big world with lots of places to walk, so this seems an odd coincidence.

If you DID do this to potentially create a confrontation, mission accomplished. Sometimes we feel a deep need to push things to a head, sometimes as much to prove to ourselves what's really going on versus any other reason.

Unfortunately, what you may have learned, is that it can be a lot like bullying -- it feels good in the moment but afterwards you feel much worse.

I agree with everyone else that your job should be to shield S as much as possible from what's going on, but I'm sure you also know that and the fact that he was there just happened to be unfortunate.

She is going to do what she wants to do, unfortunately, and no amount of guilt, shame, pressure or anything else is going to change that. You just need to focus on yourself and getting through this as best you can.

Acc

[Teppo]

Point noted.

[Accuray]

I know it's awful, we're here to support you

[AnotherStander]

I hope you are doing better today Teppo. Try to get back to working on your detachment, you were making good progress! This is a setback, but we all have them. Just use it to learn and regroup and get back on your gameplan.

[Teppo]

Thanks, guys. I appreciate the continued support.

I just hate how my wife can continue on the affair after her 7 year old son and I saw her with her OM! I feel like she's getting away with flaunting her A in our faces. I know there's nothing I can do about it.

To make matters worse, I consulted with another attorney today who said my chances of getting 50/50 split custody are 30-40%! She also said that it's ok for the OM to be around my kid when he is with my W after the divorce is settled! I was also told that if I get this new job and I have to move to another town in the state that I would only see my son on the weekends! I'm very discouraged and angry that all of this is going her way.