GAL day in the making. Only concern W seems to be pulling awy from my son. He reachs out and there is always something that is more important for her to do or not today i feel sick. I worry greatly that she may ruin the relationship she has with the kids. They dont understand the fast changes she makes from positive to negative.
Im finding it hard to be positve when it comes to this. Im frustrated i just want to grb her by the shoulders and give her a shake and tell her its one thing to act this way with me but the kids need all the support that the both of us can provide.
It's exrtremly painful to see w move away from kids. It's not fair to them at all but resist any physical attempt to wake her up. At worst you get an assault charge and restraining order and you lose 100% of custody. All she has to do is make the claim that you roughed her up.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Is it the Marriage ? Is it depression? Is it MLC? Is it Hormones?
Is it all #%^&%in 4????
It makes your head spin. The only way I find time out of the head spinning is to try not to answer it. It's not possible really at this point to know, so you have to give up answering it. Easier said than done, I know. GAL helps, talking to friends and family helps me a lot, IC helps, reading a book, doing a puzzle book...anything to stop trying to answer what can't be answered right now.
Me: 47 W: 44 M: 3 yrs; 10 years together D (Hers): 2000 BD: 06/01/2017 S: 06/01/2017
GAL day in the making. Only concern W seems to be pulling awy from my son. He reachs out and there is always something that is more important for her to do or not today i feel sick. I worry greatly that she may ruin the relationship she has with the kids. They dont understand the fast changes she makes from positive to negative.
It must be terribly painful for you to see this happening. If you have "the fixer" mentality, you will want to give excuses to the kids about why their mother is pulling away. You might even try instigating more family activities.....just to draw her into the circle and pay attention to her kids. Here's the cold harded truth. You can't fix her. You can't make her be a good mom. The more you try to cover for her with the kids......the bigger possibility they will mistrust both of you, b/c they see through the lie. Work on your R with the kids, have as much family oriented activities as you can muster with them........but basically stay out of her R with them. You are not responsible for her R with her children.
If she won't see a therapist, perhaps you could have a session to get advice in how to answer some of the questions from your kids. Better yet, let them talk to a counselor about their feelings, especially if they think dad just makes excuses for mom.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
sandi2 sometimes i thi k im the fixer of all fixers my job involves a lot of problem solving. I am very quick provide excuses to my kids dor there mothers behavoir.
I think i may have screwed up tonight my w called and i voiced my concerns over how she was not treating the kids very well. She started getting very emotional and kept saying sorry over and over. She did finally say she needed a quite day and she was sorry she ruined my sons day. Muiltiple texts to him saying the same thing plus a phone call. I know my son is pushing both of us to talk and deal with things and this also may be putting a strain on there interactions.
I also said every decision she makes she and only she will be held accountable. She sobbed and asked me not to read into it that much.
I have been easy going and nothing but helpful for weeks i jusr feel like i have taken steps in the wrong direction.
Bad day today. Wife blames me for issues she is having with the kids. Crying and very aggressive towards me. I listened. Tried not to comment but ended the conversation by telling her that choices she is making are to blame for the issues. And that i was and always will be there for the kid and her if and when she figuired out what was her major concerns. More crying and she leaves saying she does nothing right.. No response to kids texts
I worry because she is so all over the map when it comes to her emotional state..
I think you need to stay out of her R with the son. That's her responsibility. Also, I would not tell her how you will always be there for her (conditions, or not). Remarks of that sort is not appreciated by her, in this current frame of mind.
I suggest you practice changing hats at the end of your workday. After you get home, you are not in charge of fixing other people......or their problems. That does not teach them how to handle it themselves.
You are not in charge of rescuing your W. Although your feelings may say to protect her and try to help every way possible.......allowing your W to deal with her problems is comparable to how we allow our kids to grow into responsible adults. The hardest part is not to interfere and let life teach them.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have always been the Lead the way guy!! With the 2-3 years that i checked out im so afraid not to be there for my kids and w now.
Deep breaths and GAL i suppose. I think i need to read DR again.. Thank you for the imput. I have both DR and DB has any one read the books by Mort Fertel i just want to read everything i can on reconcilation.
