Going through divorce #3

[lcause]

New topic as requested by Cadet.

Link to old one:
Going through divorce #2

I feel that I'm much less strong than many of the others here. I am quite confident that I'm more than average when it comes to looks but I'm very insecure and fail to make women laugh. [censored] that women are more attracted to words than looks. GALing (mainly vigorous exercise) really seems to help in this; If I stop going to jogging/running for a week I can notice myself being much more insecure. There is a chance the SSRIs take off my social anxiety and I'm hoping for this. Also, I've slept poorly for years which also has probably destroyed my brains at least on some level - maybe this really is a lost cause.

In regards to my XW, I'm working on dropping the rope. I can sense that she and OM are getting closer and closer by the way she acts. I notice myself constantly thinking about them even when I'm doing GAL. I'm trying really hard to make new friends or rather find channels for that.

Why is it so hard to accept that your S found someone else who better fills his/her needs? Why is it so hard to let go now, even if the R was already bad? Is it just the feel of needing the other? I feel that i could have been able to correct this now, but I lost it to another man. I think it also hits hard on my ego to lose the mother of my children, especially to another. I feel that this is going to bother me the rest of my life. How I royally f#$#$d up. How I ruined the life of my children and how I hurt myself. We are the biggest losers that have to go through the consequences. My D told me she would like us to be together. She's a strong girl and rarely shows any negative emotion. My XW is reading this as that D is taking it well and adjusting just fine.

I am sorry about my ranting. I feel that others are frustrated with my zero progress. I just find this so hard to accept. I'm sorry.

[dusty70]

New topic as requested by Cadet.


Why is it so hard to accept that your S found someone else who better fills his/her needs? Why is it so hard to let go now, even if the R was already bad? Is it just the feel of needing the other? I feel that i could have been able to correct this now, but I lost it to another man. I think it also hits hard on my ego to lose the mother of my children, especially to another. I feel that this is going to bother me the rest of my life. How I royally f#$#$d up. How I ruined the life of my children and how I hurt myself. We are the biggest losers that have to go through the consequences. My D told me she would like us to be together. She's a strong girl and rarely shows any negative emotion. My XW is reading this as that D is taking it well and adjusting just fine.

I am sorry about my ranting. I feel that others are frustrated with my zero progress. I just find this so hard to accept. I'm sorry.

LC..... We have all read on these boards over and over that this is not our fault, you can't take any blame for your WW! When my WW gave me the BD I felt like you are feeling and on days continue that negative feeling, I am learning that this does me and my children no good, they currently are looking to me to provide some sort of stability as my WW is showing no emotion or compassion for what she has done. Lean on your daughter when your down, my children always cheer me up even though they are hurting inside! My WW is looking at our kids the same way right now, she sees them laughing, joking, having fun as they must be ok with the sitch, but I know talking to them the are hurting real bad, they just don't show her because of how she has pushed away the last few months.

Keep working on yourself, it's hard when your down but it will start to pay off. And stop saying sorry! Have a great day!!

[lcause]

Thanks dusty.

I still don't think my XW is WW. WAS is closer, but she just found an exit affair/new partner. I was a bad husband so I can take the blame. If I wouldn't have been, I wouldn't be here now.

My D is really my sunshine currently. I just see her so rarely. I'm so attached to my children now... much more than I was prior to BD It is probably the worst thing in these sitches - our exS's just neglecting the emotions of the children. My XW spends so much time on phone that I don't understand how she can look after our children... I have my hands full when I'm with both of them in my apartment.

I guess a man understands what he had when he loses everything. I keep reading how others are having sex, being close etc. but my XW doesn't show any interest in me. Her all feelings are dead, she doesn't feel anything towards me anymore. She's not confused, she's happy she found someone better. Really, it doesn't require much. Although I still believe that by fixing the issues she had with me, I could have made her extremely happy. Pains me so much to know I can't show it to her anymore.

I wish I could GAL properly. My head just spins all the time and concentrating on programming etc. is just an impossible task. Maybe it just takes more time for me and the moment will eventually come when I'm able to concentrate more on myself. Hopefully. Read the 11 years and still standing thread, and it really made me feel bad I know it's more about the person themselves but it just reminds me how bad of a chance there is for family reunions.

[Tobias]

as to strength: nah I think we all have struggles with it. If we didn't then we would have simply moved on. Some on here have done that and yet they also still talk about having feelings at times.

[TBSakaJ9]

I agree.....I still struggle with it. When I am struggling I try to think about how she treats me etc. and that she does not deserve my love. I also try to think about how it's not all my fault and even if I would have done everything perfect I still very well could be in the same situation.

[lcause]

Thanks guys. I just meant that my threads are full of me sobbing.

I don't know whether it was an A but at least I know that the grass definitely is greener. I made so many mistakes. Usually As die because the S notices grass wasn't greener...

I need to think like you: I definitely did not deserve this. Jumping directly to another man after a LTR and with a 5 months old baby... sigh.

[lcause]

I'm feeling so angry today. She found the coward way out; she lined up a replacement and then left me. I doubt she would have done this otherwise. I'm so frustrated and I can't see a happy future for myself. How can I get over her and stop thinking about their R? How can I find another woman who appreciates my kids and wants to live with me?

She sent me again some pictures of the kids, otherwise we haven't spoken much in the previous week.

[RR17]

Dude you need to work the plan. GAL and detach. Trust me you will look back and agree.

[lcause]

I know, thank you. I just can't get over it. There's nothing for me anymore. I have no friends, a bad job, I'm bad at everything. I think these SSRIs have thrown me much deeper in depression. Spent the whole two last days at my parents just on the sofa watching TV. Slept about 14 hours a day.

I an constantly obsessing about my poor future. How can I get over this? Has anyone else been in this state for this long?

[Treasur]

Yup, I was wiped for months last year...but I don't have a history of depression. Most of us here have been through a hellish rollercoaster. It gives you a good kicking and brings up the worst bits of ourselves and prunes us hard.

My dear icause, I don't know you but I do know these things. Life doesn't stay the same and this day will pass into another. You don't know that the future is poor. You just know that today is awful. You can't fight the situation, but you can choose to fight for your future regardless. How? Baby steps at first. Review if the SSRIs are the best ones for you with your doctor. Get an IC that focuses on depression and make an anti-depression plan. Ask your parents to help you by being tough on things like tv, hours of sleep and diet. Whatever happens, depression is your priority right now...Walk. Exercise. Focus on what you CAN do not what you can't. It will pass, I promise, but you have to not feed it. Baby steps x