N, you were depressed now your w is depressed. Read HaWho on mid life crisis as she is going through the same. I too have a long m with a w who feels empty inside and acts like she wants d but also wants to do family activities. It is confusing and frustrating and soul crushing. It seems like you already know a lot about what you need to do. Questions: what are you going to gal separate from w? How are you demonstrating you aren't the same guy who drove her away? Was your w religious and a sahm? Does she feel trapped in that role/does she have an identity and purpose outside the family? Also remember, a frustrated and angry guy is not an attractive one.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
My GAL program hmmm... i have made a point of evening rides on my motorcycle started and complete small reno upgrades on the house. More activities with kids including home projects. I have started to volunteer more at the church developing some good relationships or should i say rekindling them with friends. My wife has always been strong in faith and on numerious occasions has said she takes our marriage vows seriously in the same brearh mention how empty she is inside and she doesn't want to try anymore. My wife was a sahm for 5 years after kids were born but has had a good job for the last 13 years. She is parttime and in truth i never took much of an interest in her job or what was happening there. Now when she brings up work i listen and try not to offer any suggestions. For years she would complain and say how terrible her boss was i would council her to be careful and watch what she said. Now its the only place she is happy her words...
Your right about frustrating and soul crushing. I havent slept since we returned from our trip i just feel like im back to the day she left. The othernight as she drove away i realized just how much i want my bestfriend/wife back into my life. First hr was a pannick attack on steroids.
So no contact yesterday. And then today i recieve text asking about my day. She dropped my son off tonight. We had a quick talk tried to keep it light but did ask her if she had any concerns that she would like to table. She says she doesn't know but feels like we are making steps in the right direction. I just wish we could talk about our issues instead not addressing the problems. I still believe her true concerns havn't even been brought up. Communication and closeness have not been present for a long period of time. I would assume a 180 is being active helping the kids and around the house as well as trying to communicate with her.
Why is she around? Is she doing it because of guilt about leaving the kids? I just keep asking these qquestion to myself. Why tell me see doesn't love me and she needs space. Then have a regular schedule were we are in contact. This hot cold back and forth thing is very frustrating. My 16 year b is starting to show signs of anger towards his mom this is something i dont want to mess up he feels like she left him and all i can come up with is she is your mom you need to give her a break she is the only one you will have.
Texts from the wife again today i havent responded yet my daughter and wife have had a fight and im just trying to not take sides. Sometimes i feel like the texts are a check to see were im at. I know she isnt moving on most evening and weekends when she is off work she looks like homeless person. She still only has two small duffle bags of her clothing and a couple pair of shoes. My wife has left everything at the house.
Im at a loss on what to do going forward when it comes our relationship. Time to go GAL evening ride on the bike nothing gets your head clear like a fast bike and curves.
Can WAS be a family trait? I started looking at the number of female relatives of my wife ages late 30 to 50. I would say 90% have left there husbands some to never return. My wife has two cousins that followed the same story line both are now back with H. Both said the felt controlled and thAt husbands were jealous or hiding thinks from them.
My wife's aunts al seperated in there 40s. I believe only her mother has stayed with husband she married late. He is my wife's step dad. Wife had a revolving door of Dad like people from Age 3-14
Tell us more about her biological father. Is he currently in her life? Do you know very much about her childhood?
There could be a few reasons for this change in your wife. It sounds as if she is extremely depressed, if she is not changing her clothes. Does she go to work in the same clothes? She may be having panic attacks when she's with the family and suddenly jumps up and leaves.
Are there any traces of mental illness in the family? Would she see a therapist? Why is she against anti-depressant meds?
Do you think she would go to a hormone balancing specialist? Hormones can really scr@w up a woman when they are out of balance.
Does her mother seem to be worried about her daughter's obvious decline from her normal state?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Father did not have contact as she was growing up he passed away 10+ years ago.
Talks fondly of childhood listening to stories she was raised by aunts and uncles and older friends of her mothers.
She has 2-3 uniforms she wears to work pants and casual shirts. Its just that she has a large amount of clothing for day to day a church services and it is all here at home. She wears the same 2 dresses to church for last 4 months and she has a whole closet full wear from home. Her cloths are clean it just seems like work cloths to jogging pants and the after work cloths are the same every day. She mentions doing laundry on sundays.
This is a total change in her she was always very well put together when it came to clothing and her over all look.
Mental ilnes not that i know of. I recieved a hiss theough her teeth when i mentioned Therapist. She has mentioned that she maybe depressed. Meds are not something she used much of even when it came to colds.
She has been foing to the doctor recently. I hope she shared how she was feeling with them. I know she went a year ago becasue of night sweats and changes she saw in herself and asked about Hormone issues and perimenopause the told her she was to young.
Her mother thinks see is fine physically it is just an emotional thing... her words... i like my MIL but she is all about herself. When i did call her to incourage her to have w seek medical help she said al she needs is time and i needed to move on with my life because of what i did. I asked for clarification but none was forthcoming.
Father did not have contact as she was growing up he passed away 10+ years ago.
Talks fondly of childhood listening to stories she was raised by aunts and uncles and older friends of her mothers.
So, where was her mother while she was growing up?
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i like my MIL but she is all about herself. When i did call her to incourage her to have w seek medical help she said al she needs is time and i needed to move on with my life because of what i did. I asked for clarification but none was forthcoming.
Leads me to think your W has told her mother that you are the cause for the S. But, IDK......the mother may be putting her own twist on things.
I know this must drive you nuts. I remember a poster years ago that thought everything was great until he went home one day and found W gone. Last I heard, she never talked to him, wouldn't give a reason for leaving, and wouldn't tell her kids. The not knowing why, nearly drove him up the wall. People can do strange things.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
MIL was a party girl had my wife at 17. Aalways put her self first i noticed this when we first met.
My wife always said she would be nothing like her mom. That being said some of the actions over the last 6 months concerning our marriage and how she has interacted with the kids she seems to have changed into her mother.
Not the party girl just selfish.
My wife and i talk i even get small windows to the old W. Just the extreme changes and the way she acts towards the kids
Metup with W today. Small conversation she asked me how i was doing i replyed good and trying to stay positive. She actually said she has noticed how i have been positive about thinks for a couple months or more. Small steps...
