WAS wanting to move across the world - help

[sandi2]

Have you sought legal advice to see if there is anything you can do to stop her from taking the children out of the country?

Do any of you have citizenship at this time?

Your W's attitude resembles a wayward woman. Has she ever had any type of inappropriate behavior with another man? Is there a family member who is encouraging her to leave?

The more you can tell us, the more replies you may receive.

[whywhy]

Thank you all for the kinds replies.

So, will try to answer some of them, last first:

My kids and I are US citizens as well (all dual citizens) and my W is on a Green Card. I have learnt some of the legal aspects and could use them, but I really don't want to and I also know that if I do use them, my marriage is definitely over.

I tried to calm the situation last night. We went out for dinner as a family (without her mother), which I thought would be nice, though my wife sat there with a face like thunder and barely spoke all through the meal.

During the meal, I brought up trying to find a compromise with her. I offered that her parents come for 2.5 weeks instead of 5 and that we go to Disneyland (which had been previously arranged) without them for a few days in that.

She replied that she didn't think she wanted them in the house now at that time.

So, no real resolution.

But, yes, you guys are correct, I really don't want a house full of people against me so soon into this.

Right now, I'm just trying to get through to Monday evening when my W and her M and the baby fly. Just holding on tight as the atmosphere here is brutal.

My W keeps asking the kids what they think about her leaving for a few weeks and gets very upset when they reply "great" "fine", etc.

It's just so tough for me having her look at me with such disgust. But, am holding myself tough and trying to get out to the gym to get some breathing space as much as I can.

Still worried that I am handling this wrong.

[whywhy]

@ sandi2 - forgot to reply to the second half.

So, 12 years ago, my wife and I had a (very similar) crisis and she left the house for a few months (prior to the kids). During the time she was out she had a very minor physical interaction with another man and an emotional affair (mainly text messages) with another.

It's also interesting that she has asked me on at least 5 occasions since this crisis began if I have been faithful to her all of these years as I travel so much for work (yes, I have been by the way).

Also, after we signed our agreement, we also discussed if we would wear our rings and if we would stay faithful. We agreed to take off the rings, but to stay faithful until January 2018 (our deadline for deciding on D or not), unless one side meets someone very special and discusses with the other before anything happens.

[Tread]

"Unless one side meets someone very special and discusses with the other before anything happens."

I suppose that part was her idea? If your W comes to you abiut finding someone special, then she has already crossed a line. Hate to say this, but there may already be an OM in the picture. Stay faithful until January 2018? How about staying faithful until the MR officially/legally comes to an end. I'm guessing these are your W ideas?

[whywhy]

You guessed right Tread.

But, I do need to say that I really don't think there is OM in the picture at the moment. I hope I'm not being naive.
She told me she has no interest at all in anything physical with anyone at the moment.
But, she was telling me that her friends were telling her when she went out while she was out of the country how guys were checking her out.
I think she just wants to feel wanted and attractive. Something I obviously failed to give her in the recent past.

She also had lots of nostalgic reunions with old school friends from 20 years ago whilst she was over there just now and has another big reunion there next week.
Also, her 40th birthday is coming up in a couple of months.

I'm wondering if these are connected or if I'm just grasping at straws????

[whywhy]

I should add, I'm also not trying to look at the messages, mails, anything. I want to give her her privacy and I know from the last time this happened 12 years ago that it's going down a rabbit hole that will drive me crazy!

[Tread]

You should definitely check, so you know what you are dealing with. Realize that family and livelihood is at risk, so you to know because W will never twll you the truth. Also the reunion is definitely connected. May have hooked up with someone there or just having an EA. There are no coincidences.

Let me give you a breakdown on my own sitch. First time W cheated was apparently last summer. Was having a drink with her cousin and old childhood friends at the bar. Apparently when cousin went to the bathroom. Friends asked if he could kiss her. I guess he was to nervous to make a move as they were teens. So W said yes. And that was the end of it. By the way this guy is married with children.

The second time she cheated/current A. Was on a cruise with her sisters family. OM just happens to her sisters cousin and also married with children. They had sex in the ship se veral times. This guy lives out of state l, but he is the reason she is leaving the MR out if some strange hope he'll leave his family. OM is clearly just entertaining for the sex whenever they meet up again. This took place the week before Thanksgiving.

The week after the A with OM happened. We were visiting family. W got talked into going to another childhood friends home. Apparently she had no interest in him as a teen. But after giving a sob story on how he had a huge crush on her. He asked for a kiss and allowed him to kiss her. Makes you if this guy talked to the other childhood friends since they all grew up in the same area.

Number 4 is a guy in Public Works she worked with 3 years ago. He has a W and kids as well. Not really sure if W has cheatedwith this guy. But W texted him the day after OM kicked her to the curb when his W found out about the A back in December. Public Works guy was a friends she caught up with maybe twice a year. The moment she mentioned possibly divorcing me. Dude told her that he had been interested in her for years. Apparently she says she wasn't interested in him. But they contact each other now several times a month. Believe he might be in the friends zone, but he is trying his best to get betweenbtuem legs. And W is keeping around likely for her own ego I suppose.

But my point is that people from the past always bring up questions of what ifs. There are way too many stories, especially reunions where suddenly the person who didn't notice you in school now notices you as an adult. And that is where the fantasy takes place.

[whywhy]

Thanks Tread, I'm so sorry to hear about your painful experiences.

I do hope there isn't anything there for me. My consolation is that, if there is, it's on the other side of the world and she won't be able to get there very often at all.
On the flip side we'll be living together in the same house, so I'll have the time to DB and see if I can change the situation.

I'm just having trouble staying strong and also getting so frustrated at the cold, nasty looks I'm getting. But, I know she's on a plane in a couple of days, so I'll get a respite then.

[athas]

Holy [censored], her mother will be in your home too?! Then you have TWO MASTERS.

You're feeling sick for a reason. Listen to that inner voice. Personally, I would not allow them into my home. Set your boundaries, otherwise they'll continue to disrespect you.

I left my wife because she wanted to have both parents live in our home.

[Tread]

Whywhy,

Trust me the cold and dirty looks are going to be the least of your worries. Over time unfortunately that won't bother you so much and that's when you'll realize that your detaching from her.