It has been pretty much status quo in my world. I have been doing my own thing and actually have been enjoying myself. I do pop in from time to time and catch up on other stitches but really have not had the drive to post on mine since nothing has really changed. I wish you luck in your stitch and I am keeping up on it and will continue to keep everyone in my prayers.
Sandi2, Thank you for asking, I have been doing fine. Some days I do find myself spinning with thoughts of my W but they have been fewer and fewer and do not last as long. I see that slowly my confidence is coming back. I recently had a meeting with the owners of my company and sat down and finally got company insurance with them paying 80% of it and also got a 10% raise. The old me would have been more complacent where as the new me expects and wants better for myself.
My W has been reaching out more to me but I keep her at a distance. I communicate with her when she initiates and try to stay calm and compassionate. It is funny how she brings up the future from time to time. She talks about us moving from where we currently live to areas of NJ that are hours away. Not sure why she does this but I don't get sucked into these talks with her while she is currently in her A. All I respond is that I agree that I feel it is time for a change and leave it at that.
I don't see her texting on her phone as much. Even at night, she goes to sleep shortly after going to bed where as before she would be up for over an hour on her phone. I think she is just trying to hide it more as you have warned would happen. She also calls me when she goes out now and asks me to text her during the course of the night on how the children are doing which she hasn't done in the past.
I find her behavior to be very strange and inconsistent but do not focus on it too much. I remain focused on working on myself and getting myself to a more healthier physical and mental state. It has been almost 5 months from BD and I do see great progress in me and right now that is all that matters.
Glad to hear that the changes your making our going well for you. Funny how the WW talks about the future with after telling you that no longer wants to be with you. My W was trying to put up a painting over the fireplace when she has no intent on staying the MR at the moment or keeping the house if the MR comes to an end. When ahe says things like that I simply walk away.
I am not ok with being in an open marriage. I have stated a few months ago about knowing about the OM and not accepting it and since then she has covered it up much more by not always being on the phone or carrying her phone around as much. I do struggle with really enforcing this boundary as I have talked about either her leaving or me leaving with her stating that she is unsure of what she wants but doesn't want either of us leaving.
I understand she is temp checking when she talks or asks about certain R topics such as moving. I have pretty much distanced myself and I am currently getting through my daughters grad party and move to her college in Florida at the end of August. In the meantime I am trying to clean up some debts financially so I will have the financial ability to change the current living situation when needed.
I realize I am failing at certain DBing aspects and have been so overwhelmed with other things going on right now. I also realize that once these situations settle soon, I need to rethink what course of action I need to follow.
What are your suggesting? Because if his W isn't leaving. And he won't leave, than until someone files for a divorce, then they are stuck. Especially if there are financially issues involved. I am in the same boat of try to move on, but not end up homeless in the process.
Good to hear from you again, PEW. Refresh my memory.......have there been any episodes of inappropriate behavior between your W another man? If she is refusing to leave the home, and you refuse to leave, also..........it appears you have an impass.
Have you actually talked to a lawyer to see what could happen if you don't live comprarable to you leaving?
It appears your W receives all the benefits of holding the position of your W. Have you checked to see what would be in store for you, if you decided to move?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
