She has shut down completely. I have done some snoopng trying not to do that any more. She will finish work on a friday and some weekends only leave her room at her mothers to eat and use the restroom. I believe at this time she is just overwelmed with life i guess. Also the difference in her overal look she will wear same outfit multiple days and has looked very un kept for the last few months. She visits and calls no one except her kids.
I understand why you asked that question but i dont thi k we are on that path yet.
Since you've added this I'd have to say there may not be an OM but that she has very serious depression, maybe clinical depression. It's a time like this in the marriages vows ("for worse..." "in sickness...") that you have to be a rock for her even if she pushes you away. You're the leader of your family. You have to lead the way through this crisis. She needs professional help.
We haven't spent more then 2 hours together at any one time in the last 5 months now she will be with the family for 3 days. I am very worried about this.. i feel im giving her space but then she comes close for a time and then pulls away upset at who im not sure!
An event like this is a God send for GAL's and 180's.
I trust this is some sort of family summer getaway, like at a cabin/lake/tourist town?
What would you typically do at this event in previous years (activities/food/etc)?
Me: 43 M: 10y S:15 ILYBINILWY 2/18/13 W moved out 2/18/13 Filed for D: 2/17/13 Got DB: 2/20/13 Got DR: 2/23/13 180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13 D Final Dec '13
Yes a regular weekend away every year aslong as i can remember. 3 hour drive went well. Everyone was laughing talking about everything under the sun. Even played a travel game or two. She can have some really good times almost like my wife from a year ago. How quick things change though talking about lunch plans for tomorrow she becomes worried she forgot something and she goes into a spin in and out of the bathroom 6-7 times jumps in fhe bed and turns her back two us and Thanks me for a good day. Hopefully agood nights sleep will make for a good family outing tomorrow.
What would you typically do at this event in previous years (activities/food/etc)?
I'll try to elaborate on what I was getting at as far as a golden opportunity for GAL's and 180's:
If you would typically go to this event, sit around and drink and kibitz. 180 it: Don't drink, take everyone on a hike or start a volleyball game.
If you would just hang around inside and watch TV/sports get out and create and event or something.
If you would pull up to your wife and hang in her conversations with others: 180 it run to the kitchen and help out with cooking.
If there is water nearby and you would typically hang out on the beach fully clothed under an umbrella: 180 it: buy a speedo a size too small and go rent a jet ski
While I am not saying to avoid the W, I am saying make a conscious effort to not follow her around like a puppy, and not be dependent on how her mood is for your (or others) happiness this weekend.
Me: 43 M: 10y S:15 ILYBINILWY 2/18/13 W moved out 2/18/13 Filed for D: 2/17/13 Got DB: 2/20/13 Got DR: 2/23/13 180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13 D Final Dec '13
It sounds like your changes have been noticed, just difficult to believe at this point. These changes need to be made for you and your kids. They need to be long lasting and sincere. Prove that to yourself and anyone else through your actions, not your words.
Safe travels during your holiday weekend! Please call me when you would like to schedule another session with your DB Coach.
Cristy
Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Yes a 180 day kept busy with friends and family. Only time i was with wife i was asked to walk with her. Talked weather and other easy going topics. No marrige or R talks.
Sorry to say but no speedo body here. Although i have lost 38 pounds in 4 months. She has noticed and said i look good. She is with kids tonight and im headed out for a walk. Looks like it will be another quite night.
A little of both i beleive. We would always work together on any problem or decisions within the marriage but last feww years more of the quick arguements and not really descussions to work it out. I believe because for a time i was not active or wanting to be involved with much at home.
It started out that changes were for the kids but now i am making changes for me also. We are working as a family to get back to what my daugter says are the good old days but better.
As our weekend was ending and the closer we got to home the more my wife seemed to shutdown. I keep thinks light but she always gets this lost look during the good byes. We have regular contact Sundays and one night a week. This is my wifes choice sould this be something i back away from to detach it uusally is a family based activity that i would miss but if it helped my situation i would any thoughts?
