Surviving and thriving

[fightin]

Original thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2714939&page=1

Second thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2720086&page=1

Third thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2737225&page=1

[fightin]

Moving over here since the divorce has been final for 2 months.

Short summary:
Was married just at 2 years when I discovered my W was having an affair. Devastated, I found this site, ordered the book and tried all I could to save our M. Of course begging didn't work, but neither did going dark; she had made up her mind. Thankfully I have an amazing support system and that helped me get back on my feet. Divorce took 4 months (no kids together).

Fast forward 2 months post divorce and I'm not only surviving, but thriving. I've had my struggles and I still miss her sometimes, but our M was full of negativity and struggles so I'm looking at it as though this is my opportunity to rebuild myself and to learn to love myself. It isn't always easy, but I'm making the best of it and loving the person I'm becoming.

I've adopted a couple of cats from a rescue, I have my house up for sell as I can't afford it on my own, I have a healthy social life with family and friends, I've joined a sports team through work, and I'm continually working towards goals for my own satisfaction rather than anyone else.

I still see my SS although my financial situation has been strained so I've been busy doing odd jobs to make ends meet so my visits have been more infrequent than I wish they were. My XW has sold her house and moved in to a new place with her new GF. We don't talk unless we absolutely need to resolve something regarding finances. I still have some bitterness in regards to the betrayal so I'm working towards healing from that so I can trust someone in the future. I was seeing someone rather casually, but no longer, now I'm just enjoying having my own space and freedom while I work on myself.

There is hope on the other side of this. I don't always feel that way, some days I still feel the pain and sadness, but that has become rare. It has only been 6 months, and I'm sure it will take me time to truly heal, but I feel very hopeful and very thankful for being okay with it all. I was so determined at first to save my M, and I encourage anyone that wants to and can to do everything they can to do so. Unfortunately for me it just wasn't going to happen and as I accepted that I also made a deliberate decision to no longer accept being treated the way I was treated by my XW, but it was, as I said, a very deliberate decision. It helped expedite my ability to move forward, but it closed that door and hardened my heart a bit. Trade off I suppose, but I say that to convey that if you're not ready to let go, then don't. Hang on to the hope for as long as you can bear it, but please don't destroy yourself in the process. We all deserve to be happy and sometimes that means we have to do that without the one person we thought we'd spend our life with.

My hope is that everyone that can save their M does, and for those that can't I hope they accept it and work towards finding happiness for themselves. Peace and love to you all.

[cheesyt]

hey! glad you're doing well!

[Vanilla]

Welcome to Surviving

V

[Dawn70]

Welcome to this corner of the world. I like what you said about there being hope on the other side. Trust me, there is! Having been on this side for about 2 1/2 years now, I know for a fact there is hope.

[fightin]

Hi, all! Just stopping by because it has been a while. Overall I'm doing well. I haven't talked to the XW in months. I still see her son some, though not as often as I was. My other stepkiddos are in town right now so it is awesome that I'm getting some time with them. I am actively looking for a job in my hometown so I won't have to commute anymore. I finally moved out from my house that I own with my ex, we are trying to sell it, but not even a little bit of interest yet so that stinks. I am loving being on my own though. I literally have never lived alone my entire life and I'm loving it!

I've been struggling a bit with depression lately, but I'm aware of it and doing things to help and working towards getting back out of that hole. I don't know if it is because I don't have many distractions or what, but I literally was aware of the entire process of knowing when I was getting depressed and actively doing things to remedy it. I have never been so aware before. I usually just end up miserable and unsure as how I ended up there, but this time I was able to work on it before it got bad so that's a plus.

Anyway, just wanted to stop by and catch up. I hope everyone is doing well.