Nee, you are growing so much and becoming a much stronger individual. You will shortly arrive at the place where you don't emotionally respond to everything he says to you. I think I did it to show my power, but I'm realizing there is more power in keeping my mouth shut and making him wonder what I'm thinking.
Typing that I just had a memory of him one time when he came to discuss the separation contract back in November. I was butting in while he was talking as usual, getting feisty, arguing my case, etc. He said let me give you some dating advice. That really set me off. The point is, I always gave it back. Now I don't. I know it has really thrown him. I like that.
I think that mine is now using the sell the house thing as a way to bait me, get some emotion, and find out if I will bring up a reconcilation. I think that is what he is up to. Several times he has said to me, "What do you want Own." He's trying to get me to say I want you to come back, so he can come back on his terms. But I'll never say it.
Thank you for noticing my growth and strength. I've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to notice it. I'm working hard and feverishly looking for a place to live.
I'm learning that keeping my shut is the way to go. My H is all about himself and that's not going to change anytime soon. I can't even get him to watch our dog for 2 nights so I can visit with my neice. He won't stay at the condo with him for some reason, so I'm going to miss out on my visit. I don't trust that he has our dog's well being in mind to stay with him somewhere safe. The OW has a huge dog that I've never met before, so I don't know how he would do around our dog. My H wouldn't care how I feel about that either.
I honestly don't think our H's want a divorce. I don't know the reasons behind that but neither one of them will make the effort to move forward with the paperwork. My H won't even meet with a lawyer. I'm going to have to meet with a mediator and send my H what comes from that meeting.
I've decided that I'm going to ask for half of his 401k. I wasn't because I think that's a crappy thing to do to someone, but I have to look after myself from now on. No more worrying about what he thinks is best. He's going to be very pissed off about it, but I don't care. He doesn't really care if I'm taken care of financially, so why should I care if he's in a good place financially. I'm only going to think of myself from now on. Forget the rest of it.
Thank you for telling me that you're proud of me. That means a lot. I need to hear that I'm making someone proud right now. We get so beat down in the is process that it's hard to see any pride in ourselves.
I'm proud of you too, Ownit. I've read your recent posts and see you're growing and stronger today, too. You WILL meet your goals in weight loss. It's not easy, but it will happen. I know you think you fell short in your marriage by gaining weight but your H fell short, too. He was too busy critizing you instead of lifting you up. Very few people will respond to criticism. It starts a new round of bitterness that's hard to overcome. Surround yourself with positive people. You can and WILL lose this weight. I promise!!
Long time, no read. I hope you've been doing well. I've been so busy that I've not been on here at all. It's been good for me to take a break from DB, but I do think of you often and how you're doing. I'll catch up on your thread soon.
I still like my job pretty good and my boss seems to be impressed with my work. I like the money more than anything. I can't wait to have a place of my own to sit and reflect instead of this condo and the memories it possesses. However, I need to be more at peace with my impending move in order to do it. That will come as I continue to pack and feel those emotions that I need to feel. I'm just glad to have this job that's affords me to move.
Have you read "How To Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You" by Wayne Dyer? I read it and it's not like the other "How to's" out there. I'm sure you've read about forgiveness before and so did I, but this has somewhat of a different perspective on the process. I think it list 15 different steps, but you don't feel like you're reading steps. I've been going back to it everytime I start playing those movies in my head or feeling sad, bitter, anger and hate. It's really helping me, Ownit. I hope you'll check it out.
Well, I'm off to do about a 100 things since I don't have time to do it during the week anymore. This new life of mine is etiher going to kill me or make me stronger than anyone I know. I haven't lost momentum yet. I won't lose it because it makes me feel too good! I still get sad and bitter sometimes but it's overshadowed by me staying so busy.
Are you still moving forward in your sitch? I hope so!! You deserve happiness and peace, Ownit. I guess we all find it in our own time. I'm not fully at peace and not sure when I'll get there, but I'm headed there. No more blaming others for my negative feelings. That's on me!
So glad that the job is going well. When we didn't hear from you I felt sure it was because things were going well and you were busy. I also love that there is nothing here about him. Perhaps I too will get there some day.
I have not read the book but will check it out. I couldn't find it on Amazon but ordered something else he has written.
I'm trying to move forward, but it is hard when he doesn't seem to be in the same place. I think he likes the status quo. I am making plans for my future life. That is all I can do.
My D leaves in about 3 weeks for her program so I am trying to get her geared up and ready. Trying to push S to get all his work in before school is over. He has another two weeks. Ugh.
Things have been insane in my life lately. I started a new job about a month ago and really like it. Well, last night my boss passed away from a heroine overdose. It was going to happen. He was in a bad way for a long time. His dad is a billionaire and let him go homeless for 4 years in Alaska back in the 90's. They say he's not been the same since. My boss was also an artist. He had a lot of demons and it showed in his art. As much as he made me crazy sometimes, I still feel like the world was more interesting and better place with him in it.
I'm getting ready to start working with his billionaire father tomorrow to help close out this little empire his troubled son kept going for 30 yrs. It saddens me in a way that I can't explain. Seeing someone deteriorate in such a short time has been vey telling to me. Life is fleeting. Period. Anyway, I'm not looking forward to working with this wealthy man tomorrow. He is so arrogant and crass. Oh well...there's money to be made.
Things on the MLC front have had me spinning quite a bit, too. Staying busy has helped me a lot. Exercising helps, too. Seeing my body change shapes has been great for me. I really like the kettle ball exercises bc it's a one stop shop in the way you can cover so many areas of the body at once.
So, my H told me about a month ago that he's not in love with me anymore bc I insisted on him saying it via text. Stupid, I know. I keep adding more to his pathetic plate. He's since had a change of heart with an "I love you" today. He's been stoic most other times. He did warm up enough to tell me that he see'a and hear's things all the time that reminds him of me, and he smiles. He remembers the good times,.etc..I just say that I'm glad that he can think of me and smile. I end every conversation with something kind. It's helped us to communicate on a different level. Yes, he's probably baiting me, but at least we're getting along.
He's had a few bouts of anger in the last month, but I cut it off real quick in the calmest manner I can muster up to diffuse it. He stops immidiantly. I have had no outbursts or spews in the last month. I'm extremely proud of myself. Fingers crossed that I don't lose my composure. Maybe I've been to busy to work up any anger..??
I certainly don't think anything is going to come from him telling me he loves me, and the other nice things that got my attention.I'm thinking that too many bad things have happened for us to repair our marriage. We would have to start completely over at this point. It's not like I would know how to handle a reconciliation bc I don't know what I want. STILL.
I've met a couple of guys that have me a little intrigued. Not enough to be intimate but I'm definitely noticing some things are coming back to life in me. I'm human. I've longed for intimacy for a long time. A man's touch...well, there's nothing like being held by your man. I could get weak if I saw my H right now. It's been a year since we've been intimate, so it does call my name sometimes.
Right now I'm listening to "Hard Habit to Break" by Chicago, and crying my eyes out about this man I've been married to for 17 yrs that will probably end in divorce. Honestly, I feel like the good cries are cathartic for me when I'm up late at night reflecting. I can highly recommend listening to the songs that let you grieve when you feel ok with it. My time frame on doing this varies. I may not do it for a few days but it does eventually happen, and I let it. An excellent song to listen to while reflecting is "Sail On" by the Commodores. Music is powerful.
I'm going to try and rest now so I can be prepared tomorrow for this new chapter of my life. Going into my workplace knowing my boss has passed in such a tragic way will be very emotional for me. I'll be fine.
Here's to compassion, peace and love. It'a in all of us somewhere.
I don't know much about your situation and your MLCer saying he loves you you did handle it well we never know if they are serious or a touch and go time will tell-
but I like the way you handle grief I also use music to help get things out and it is healing If we hold grief in, we can't fully let go
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Nee, I've been struggling a bit lately so it was so wonderful to read your update. I can see how much more confidence you have in yourself and how you are ready to take on the world. I hope working with Mr. Big Bucks wasn't as bad as you anticipated. Keep up the fabulous work!
