Limerence and My Situation 2

[Parkema]

Hi SJ,

Believe it or not I have two sons S10 and the other celebrating his 8th birthday next Sunday. I rode bikes in a previous life but not now I'd kill myself LOL, basically football for me and gym each day.

I've also found hiking now and intend to have nights away doing interesting walks in the UK and enjoy the spa of the hotel once completed. I find walking is great for depression in fact I can't really say depression as hit me at all yet. I walk everywhere, you should try it.

Thanks for keeping in touch.

Mark.

[sandi2]

I started somewhat centred on my WW but as time goes on and the situation evolves I'm getting more and more focuses on me and my boys just enjoying being with them and getting out.

Glad to see you back. This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is what I think some of the posters wanted you to get.

You may face times where you are tempted to rescue your WW, when her fantasy begins to crumble. Sometimes, the WW has to see what she has lost, in order for the reality to hit her that she has caused this mess and she has to live with the results.

I realize you want to remain as a "safe place" for her, and I will not try to pressure you to change your mind. Just be aware that she will probably temp check you to see how emotionally attached you really are. We have seen some crazy scenes played out from WW's who were temp checking their BH's. The first time she and OM have a fight, she'll turn to you for comfort. How will you handle it? B/c they will make up and she'll take him back.

Your backslide only proves you are human, with all the emotions that pop up in these type of situations. It is terrible that she has the OM living in the family home and shoving it in your face. This same stitch happened with one of my adult children, and the emotional toll is about more than a person can handle. So, I admire those betrayed spouses who are able to move forward and build another life for themselves.

[Parkema]

Hi Sandi2,

Yes I'm beginning to detach better it just feels so counterproductive, almost like "I give up here you can have her!"
I do the safe place thing because I L her, I cant really be cold and unresponsive to her BUT I'm not going chasing either.

I appreciate your comments on the first argument and at this present time feel I might just laugh out loud, somewhat prepared for this as I believe in the limerent process but am no fool.

Detachment is getting easier and as long as I can continue to see my boys then I will be able to cope with the rest. I am now having to prepare myself for her taking them away with the AP/LO on holiday for a few days AND their forward planning of moving out of the family home and into a place of their own!

I'm aware I should not believe anything they say and only half of what they do but it amazes me how totally wrapped up in their A they get as what I'm hearing is just not practical and something my WW would never contemplate without me able to support it. Bound to failure...

Emotionally having to release my boys back to her knowing they are going back to him and S8 so impressionable is hard he's so confused but just need to show him what a proper parent looks like.

Thanks for keeping in touch.

Mark.

[SJW]

Hi Mark

Sorry for the late reply busy weekend with the kids. My S is 10 turns 11 in August so seniors is September, my DO was 8 in April but she's a complete tomboy. I got my VFR400 picked up yesterday to get it running again it's been stood for 3 years never had the time to get out on it with H being away so much and 2 kids and motorbike was from before I met him.

Hope you're OK catch up soon.

SJ

[Parkema]

Hi SJ,

We seem to be crossing from post to post.. LOL.

It would seem you now have a great GAL opportunity with the bike, I always knew that the biker community stays strong and you being able to get back involved with help take your mind off your situation and show your WS that your not just about him.

I understand how your two could hinder this slightly (get crash helmets each) and logistically will be tough does S10 take any interest..?
It's great to get the impression you are getting your head around your situation and can to a degree see there is something about you you can now focus on, this will help take your mind off things a little.

I have just caught up on your post and see the way you are managing things taking effect well done.

Take care.

Mark

[SJW]

Hi Mark

As my bike was from my previous life the kids know I have it but aren't really that interested. S is going on about getting a peewee but I can't afford it for one and logistically with everything else he has going on it's not practical. Maybe further down the line if he shows a real interest and I'm back in the biking community who knows.

I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for you knowing your kids are living with OM I can't even bare to think about a time that my kids might have to spend time with OW. You do sound like you're doing well though and as you say it's about showing them what a great parent looks like.

You didn't say if you had a motorbike or did?

Take care
SJ

[Parkema]

Hi SJ,

No, no more bike

Regarding my boys going back to him she knows I don't approve (these are the most heated conversations I have with her) BUT what can I do? I could go to the court for injunctions and may still do this BUT I feel they need to feel what life will be like under these circumstances allowing reality to kick in and it will if my S10 as anything to do with it.

Me showing WW a great father compared to this strangers interaction to them shows her another reason why what she is doing is totally unacceptable BUT she just doesn't see this at the moment and am sure she thinks it's going to be all "happy families" and rainbows and unicorns... Only time will tell and by then I won't be bothered how this ends up as I'll be too busy GAL with my boys and friends/family.

Good to talk.

Mark.

[SJW]

You're absolutely right about the "happy families" but the reality is completely different. Keep doing what you're doing and who knows maybe you will get another bike :-)

[Parkema]

Hi SJ,

Unfortunately for us UK dads I don't think I'll ever be able to afford another bike! Running two homes and giving WW 20% my wage is hurting, grossly unfair BUT will support my family always.

Be good.

Mark.

[SJW]

Hi Mark

How come you're running 2 homes? I haven't looked into financials yet although I need to as he's not happy about what money he had left out of his wages. He had about the same as me and has no living expenses! I thought you just had to pay maintenance?

Thanks
SJ