Listen, I get it, it's like a living nightmare to watch your W go and carry on like a girl gone wild, I lived it too, and I wanted to do anything I could to stop it.. but I found out the hardway you can't, they are going to go on their journey one way or the other. The question is what journey are you going to go on? That's what you can control.
As for suggestions, here are a couple from the last couple of pages of your thread:
Originally Posted By: Ginger1
So, no matter how this pans out, you need a life for yourself. You need to do YOUR work and not worry about your W and her work so much.
Originally Posted By: Coconut
I wish you the best, I just think you need to distance yourself from her for a while, the longer the better, whether she ends it with OM or not.
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
She's trying to create more space, let her have it.
Originally Posted By: TxHubby
Cheaters don't have exciting lives, they have seedy sleazy lives. Not what you want to spend your time focusing on. If she's doing some work then good for her. You don't worry about it and stay busy building the best version of you that you've ever been.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
And I should add for past two or so weeks she has been on her best behavior-- hanging around the house, coming home early (except for last night when she had IC session), telling me where she is going to be well in advance and not taking any extended "errand" trips away from house, spending almost no time on FB and minimal time on the phone in general (at least when she is at the house.) She could still, obviously, be talking to OM at work or on any number of phone apps. I had really, really thought that this day was going to slip past, and now... and especially the way it came up (very "suddenly" and unannounced, BFF is not usually in town on Tuesdays unless something special's going on, the place she's talking about meeting is right out near the OM's work and neighborhood, etc.) plus that funny instinct making me pretty sure this is a planned meet up. And, yeah, this is another post about what my WW is up to, but... critical juncture here
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
what are your thoughts on backing off from her, focusing on you, and letting her take her journey? Or are you just looking for an answer on how to control her so you can get exactly what you want?
Your going to drive yourself insane if you try and control her, because you can NOT control her. Hell, if you want, just tell her you know she's going to meet OM and you're done... at least that would be different.
But your best bet is to go on the path everyone is trying to lead you to, the one where you give her space, and focus on yourself.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Your going to drive yourself insane if you try and control her, because you can NOT control her. Hell, if you want, just tell her you know she's going to meet OM and you're done... at least that would be different.
Well, that was actually one of the options I was mulling (and thought I had posted.) I get that I can't control her. But if she won't "control herself", then I am free to walk. That was the whole gist of our discussion a week or so ago.
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
Your going to drive yourself insane if you try and control her, because you can NOT control her. Hell, if you want, just tell her you know she's going to meet OM and you're done... at least that would be different.
Well, that was actually one of the options I was mulling (and thought I had posted.) I get that I can't control her. But if she won't "control herself", then I am free to walk. That was the whole gist of our discussion a week or so ago.
But you gotta follow through else it means nothing......
Your going to drive yourself insane if you try and control her, because you can NOT control her. Hell, if you want, just tell her you know she's going to meet OM and you're done... at least that would be different.
Well, that was actually one of the options I was mulling (and thought I had posted.) I get that I can't control her. But if she won't "control herself", then I am free to walk. That was the whole gist of our discussion a week or so ago.
So let me ask you this..
why is blowing your M up and then going to work on yourself better than not blowing your M up and just going to work on yourself?
Why not just go do your own thing? Let her wonder why you are no longer around the house anymore, let her wonder why you're not answering her calls or texts.. those things improve your chances, because she's thinking about you.
If you blow up on her, tell her everything you know and everything she's doing wrong, then she won't want you around her, the only thing she'll be thinking is thank goodness I don't have to deal with him anymore.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
