Yea , It does drive me absolutley crazy! I know she checks it at all hours day or night. Outwardly I don't let her see it driving me nuts. Inside I want to f'n scream. Getting easier to appear like I could care less , just starting to keep my self busy
Overall went well, tempeture of things was luke warm compared to cold. I did my thing payed attention when she wanted me to held hands a couple time but only breifly. Noticed her spending tons of time on her phone txting or whatever bothered me alot but didn't say anything about it.
I want to make sure I have this right. She has brought a third person into the MR. She was with you at this function and spending most of her time on the phone texting..............and you held hands with her? Who initiated?
She is aware that you know she's cheating, right? ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Take this tip for whatever you think it's worth. The longer a WW sees her BH tolerating her disrespect for him, and she sees him trying to cling to a MR she is dishonoring......the less she will care about him. Why? B/c she is wayward and no longer thinks like the the girl she use to be. (Unless you M a wayward woman from the getgo). Therefore, you may have to change how you interact with her and deal with this situation. You aren't dealing with just a bad MR......you are dealing with a wayward, and it won't be a pleasant experience for either of you. IMHO, the MR won't get a lot better until she ends her wayward behavior.
Whenever a wife is wayward, it's b/c she has lost respect for her H. The way a wife loves her H is tied to the level of respect she holds for him. When resentment and unresolved issues are growing in her heart, her feelings of desire and attraction for him give way to disgust, anger, and disrespect. In order for her to truly have those loving feelings again.......it has to start with her respecting her H. Therefore, he can't be in competition with the OM, and try to romance her back into the MR. Perhaps it worked before M, but things are much different now.
I have seen the majority of male newcomers look at winning back their WW, as if it were a challenge. Well, it is a challenge, alright. However, I think the nature of most men are to be fixers, and they are motivated to undertake their broken R and "fix it". They usually begin (with encouragement from the board members) by trying to become the H they think their W wants. The problem that arises in many cases, is that the H goes into Super-Husband mode. He sees it falling under the title of improving himself. Sadly, this usually fails to fix the M problems, and in fact......causes her to feel even more disrespect, b/c she knows she is doing him wrong and that he should not put up with it.
My suggestion is to find the man you were before M. Women don't fall in love with a guy b/c he does all of her chores, or he becomes a "yes dear" type. So many M problems are caused when the individuals stop being the people they were when the other one fell in love with them.
Please stay balanced. You can fix yourself, but you can't fix her. And truthfully, until she ends this A with the OM, there will be things you can't fix about the MR. What she may have complained about in the past, doesn't necessarily apply now. You could put on the Super H cape to wear every day, and it would not fix the issues. Although she may use something from the past to blame you........the big problem now is her wayward mindset. You can't fix her waywardness.......but honey, you can have a powerful influence. There is one thing a WW respects............strength. She respects a man who won't tolerate her BS. A man who does not reward her bad behavior. A man who is not afraid to stand up to her.......or other people in his life. A man who has firm boundaries, and the confidence to enforce them when necessary. A man who is wise to her games and she cannot manipulate. So, when thinking upon the things you want to change or improve, I hope you will consider adding these things to your list.
Keep posting!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hey DO428, sorry you're here but reading your thread I just want to back up what TXhubby and what the others have said. My BD is pretty new and raw too but you definitely need to focus on you. You haven't mentioned kids which in one way is a blessing, you can meltdown in tears whenever you want, but in another way a curse because you have to be strong for them if you have them so can't wallow in self pity.
Work on you and what you like doing. One of the guys said to me today what is your passion, passion is sexy and if you haven't found it yet start looking. I know what mine is it's dancing and tomorrow I am finding a dance class asap.
Good luck, keep in touch and stay strong!
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
Hey TX, sorry I'm hijacking on someone elses post but couldn't work out how to find yours. Could you take a look at mine if you get chance, I like your no BS approach and straight talking
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
Hey TX, sorry I'm hijacking on someone elses post but couldn't work out how to find yours. Could you take a look at mine if you get chance, I like your no BS approach and straight talking
No problem. I stick around to give my two cents about what has worked and hasn't worked for me. I feel a special bond with other BS's/LBS's.
Hey TX, sorry I'm hijacking on someone elses post but couldn't work out how to find yours. Could you take a look at mine if you get chance, I like your no BS approach and straight talking
I forgot to add, let me do some homework/reading of all your posts and then we'll talk.
Yea , It does drive me absolutley crazy! I know she checks it at all hours day or night. Outwardly I don't let her see it driving me nuts. Inside I want to f'n scream. Getting easier to appear like I could care less , just starting to keep my self busy
Hello D0428,
She knows you know about OM, right?
She is cake eating in a major way. She gets to carry on with OM on her phone, etc and keep you around as plan B. Would you say that she has the best of both worlds without any consequences?
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This week's update:(it's a good one) Ok so tuesday I got home from work early Noticed that fb activity stopped around 1 for about 2 hrs and counting so I theorized that if your not chatting anymore you must be with the person with whom you chat. Long story short found my truck in a driveway where the few clues I had lead me. I txted her a pic while she was there and waited for her to leave. She told me oh that's just my girl freind (whom I've never heard of) I told her I wasn't there by accident and clues I follows had nothing to do with girl she mentioned. I'm not sure what hurts more the A or the out right lies to my face. So after the initial anger friday I told her I love her and that I would get out of her way so she could find whatever she is looking for. I'm in NC mode focused on getting my house ready for sale, my kids , and my exit strategy should things not turn around. It's like she's living in some altered reality.
Oh almost forgot she replied thanks that means alot , I'll be much happier in the long run because she was never a good wife. Well I can tell you here I was never unhappy and thought she was / is a great wife and mother. (Except current) I know she is rationalizing my question is is that a phase or will she always try to rationalize because it's obvious she does not want to face the truth or the facts even caught.
Man is this hard! I'm a couple days into NC Most of the time I feel great almost carefree staying focused on house kids and whatnot. Then without warning ryhme or reason reality hits me and I feel real low. This whole thing [censored]! Just feel better when I vent Thx
