Got my plane ticket for my solo trip when W & D are going on their own family trip. I am really looking forward to it. I have always been the planner, looked up all the places to go but this time I am just going to show up and see where the days take me.
Is it normal for the WAW to just let this whole thing sit in limbo. Seems like it doesn't allow them to move on either.
So I asked God for a sign today or some kind of communication/reaching out from my spouse. Just a little sign that I should keep keep doing this.
What did I get, our house got broken into and the alarm company called W phone. That is NOT what I meant by a sign. I will not ask for that again if this is what happens!
W texted me- at first her text to me was more of a joking like should I call the police since 99% of the time it is a false alarm. But then when I got home two windows broken etc... I texted letting her know the house was broken into. She said she was sorry and wished she could be in town to help. And then nothing more. I am frustrated that I have this expectation of her that she might show a little more concern for our safety or checking how our dog was.
I just don't understand how she can come off as so uncaring. I assuming this means I need more work on my detaching and not caring how she responds to our little crisis.
Got my plane ticket for my solo trip when W & D are going on their own family trip. I am really looking forward to it. I have always been the planner, looked up all the places to go but this time I am just going to show up and see where the days take me. This^^ sounds very cool. Way to get out of your comfort zone. I'm a planner (I like the planning!!) but am considering a trip in which I don't plan much. Cool!! Is it normal for the WAW to just let this whole thing sit in limbo. Seems like it doesn't allow them to move on either.
I think some WAW's rush to divorce like it's the only thing that will "Free them of their misery", but others let things linger in limbo. Especially when there are children.
It is not a "positive" sign that you linger in limbo but it's not negative. That is for future Chase to worry about. Enjoy your trip.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Very sorry your house was broken into. Yikes! Thank God no one was home (other than your dog? How is the dog?)
Originally Posted By: Chase20
So I asked God for a sign today or some kind of communication/reaching out from my spouse. Just a little sign that I should keep keep doing this.
What did I get, our house got broken into and the alarm company called W phone. That is NOT what I meant by a sign. I will not ask for that again if this is what happens!
W texted me- at first her text to me was more of a joking like should I call the police since 99% of the time it is a false alarm. But then when I got home two windows broken etc... I texted letting her know the house was broken into. She said she was sorry and wished she could be in town to help. And then nothing more. Chase, is it possible you got ^^ a sign? I am frustrated that I have this expectation of her this^^ is the underlying problem. You have expectations and they show. You have to drop them Chase. And your timeline...It is not realistic for a w who really did communicate her unmet needs to you over some time.
I know Your fear is that she will be pushed away by distance, but there was already so much distance in the m, that I would not fear it. Plus the pursuit approach pushed her towards the divorce more...do NOT pressure her or she will flee.
I think showing her your newfound emotional strength and warm self confidence in a loving detached (un-needy) way is the approach to take. No r talk. No pushing for her to decide something.
that she might show a little more concern for our safety or checking how our dog was.
I just don't understand how she can come off as so uncaring. I assuming this means I need more work on my detaching and not caring how she responds to our little crisis.
Chase, please see this "2 x 4" in the way I'm trying to send it, meaning, with concern...
but your posts mostly reek of need on your end.
And that means you have "emotional needs/demands" of your w. That's not an attracting vibe to send out. It's also burdensome to her, especially if she did the heavy lifting in the m which you indicated in your early posts. Be the best dad you can be, which is a turn on for any mother, and be a man only a fool would leave.
What were you like when your w fell in love with you? Get that guy back.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
can you put your ages, length of m and daughter's age in the signature block?
And details like 'Bomb Drop ("BD") and dates so we can get a quick reminder summary when we see your posts?
It's incredibly helpful to avoid confusing one poster with another.
Keep at this and enjoy your trip!
I took our kids on a trip to Italy years ago, and it was the best money I've ever saved and spent and borrowed.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
So I asked God for a sign today or some kind of communication/reaching out from my spouse. Just a little sign that I should keep keep doing this.
I used to pray to God every night to help me be a better husband, father and person. To this day I wonder if BD was his response, because it certainly did transform me into those things. But if THAT was his answer then I NEVER would have sent him the request in the first place, LOL! God's answers are rarely the answers that WE want
Quote:
I texted letting her know the house was broken into. She said she was sorry and wished she could be in town to help. And then nothing more. I am frustrated that I have this expectation of her that she might show a little more concern for our safety or checking how our dog was.
I just don't understand how she can come off as so uncaring.
It sounds pretty caring to me. "She said she was sorry and wished she could be in town to help." That's a lot more than most WAS's would say. Like 25 said, you're setting your expectations too high.
When we fell in love I was care-free, self confident (not in all the right ways, a little cocky but that was masking some of my own insecurities that I am working on now).
And yes part of me is still in the mode that some light is going to switch and she is going to realize she is making a mistake and come running back. Intellectually I know that is not going to happen but convincing my heart of that is another story.
We are both going to be a a concert for one of my childhood best friends on Saturday night. My DB coach and I came up with the most basic goal that if we exchange a hello then it will be successful so I see your point in making my goals really small. I wasn't doing that in this situation. My eyes are still to focused on the big goal of getting her to R.
(I added a signature line - lets see if it works on this post)
Going to a concert tonight where W will be (bringing 2 friends with me). She will most likely be there with some of her family (brothers and or dad). She doesn't really have many close friends who live here, which has always been so odd to me since she is the self-described 'social butterfly'. The more I look at her from a step back, the more I see that she struggles to create strong bonds with people.
The concert is for my best friend growing up, he lived with us for a few years before we got married so W and him also became good friends. DB coach and I came up with the goal that all we need to do is exchange a pleasant hello and it will be successful. That is all I need to do- just say hi and leave it at that. No more needy expectations, all day when a story pops into my head about what tonight might be like I refocus on the present. My D and I are up in the mountains with my parents at their vacation home and we have had a great day.
I have had my wedding ring off all weekend so far. I am thinking about leaving it off for the concert tonight. It is helping me detach a little more - like my W isn't 'mine' anymore.
Anniversary #4 tomorrow- suppose I will treat it like any other normal Tuesday. I wasn't planning to see W, but she texted this AM saying she had to switch her work flight to early on Wednesday so she needs to drop off D tomorrow night.
Goals: Be happy, fun, use wife's first name at least once in conversation (that seems to always jolt her a little bit), get her to stay at least 15 minutes.
