So I had a crazy strange dream last night. We were in a cabin and I was following W around trying to get her to talk to me. We went out on the deck and I pointed to a giant bear in a pool like pond behind a shed. I asked W if that was the hot tub she said no and pointed the other direction. We got into the hot tub for a bit still trying to talk to her she got out and So did I and I followed her to a sauna where we laid on separate cots. Later on I just remember us making up and kissing. Then I grabbed a cylinder of gas that looked like high Tess gas with a pink tint and combined it with a clear cylinder that had normal yellows gas and was in the ground. When I combined them a big hair ball or dirt was floating around so I flushed the system and the gas started to pour out and then turned into a giant flame. And I jumped away from it then I woke up.
I've had several dreams since she left and they all seem to have us reconcileing. Idk if it's my subconscious showing me what I want to see our God showing me that I need to continue to not give up cause there's a light at the end of the tunnel. This past dream just seemed so crazy cause last night I was lettin my dog outside and I looked up at the stars and just dropped to my knees crying and praying to god to show me a sign one way or the other to point me in which direction to go. And then this dream happened and I rarely remember dreams most nights.
Just wondering do y'all think it's safe to give my W compliments if/when we see each other? Or would that be considered pursuing her still?
I personally would mirror her. If she compliments you then agree and compliment her. However I would not compliment her as a strategy for her to return to the marriage. If she was/is depressed it is going to take a bit of time for her to get out of this state. You can not say anything that is going to FIX her. She needs to do that on her own.
Just wondering do y'all think it's safe to give my W compliments if/when we see each other? Or would that be considered pursuing her still?
I personally would mirror her. If she compliments you then agree and compliment her. However I would not compliment her as a strategy for her to return to the marriage. If she was/is depressed it is going to take a bit of time for her to get out of this state. You can not say anything that is going to FIX her. She needs to do that on her own.
Yeah you're right, she would probably take it as I'm trying to hard to show her my changes. But on the other hand I feel it would show her i am changing.
Don't pay any attention to dreams, your mind is going through a major adjustment and you're likely to have some really bizarre dreams for a while.
Originally Posted By: Stunned
Yeah you're right, she would probably take it as I'm trying to hard to show her my changes. But on the other hand I feel it would show her i am changing.
The biggest change that you can make that she will appreciate is to back off and remove all pressure. Nothing wrong with a nice compliment as long as you can do it WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS. In other words, don't do it and stare her down waiting for her to offer you a compliment in return or a "thank you". Can you do that right now? Probably not. So even a compliment can be pressure on the WAS, and pressure is bad! Give her time and space, that's what she's really craving right now- a break from you. You really can't do anything she will view as "good" right now, her frame of mind is that anything you do drives her crazy, even if it's a simple compliment. That will change a few months down the road, but for now you've got to accept that this is how things are! Don't try to rush things, this is a marathon, not a sprint!
The biggest change that you can make that she will appreciate is to back off and remove all pressure. Nothing wrong with a nice compliment as long as you can do it WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS. In other words, don't do it and stare her down waiting for her to offer you a compliment in return or a "thank you". Can you do that right now? Probably not. So even a compliment can be pressure on the WAS, and pressure is bad! Give her time and space, that's what she's really craving right now- a break from you. You really can't do anything she will view as "good" right now, her frame of mind is that anything you do drives her crazy, even if it's a simple compliment. That will change a few months down the road, but for now you've got to accept that this is how things are! Don't try to rush things, this is a marathon, not a sprint!
I feel like I've detached enough where I wouldn't expect a reply if I compliment her but I probably still shouldn't take the risk. She's finally acting like she's somewhat willing to talk and see me even if it's just to move her stuff or to talk about finances. In my eyes that's still a slight improvement from when she first left.
Last edited by Cadet; 06/13/1704:47 AM. Reason: fix quote
I find it strange that my w is so motivated to move all her possessions out of our house but she still hasn't changed her address. Idk that seems like one of the first things I would do, makes me wonder if she's trying to keep a foot in the door.
I find it strange that my w is so motivated to move all her possessions out of our house but she still hasn't changed her address. Idk that seems like one of the first things I would do, makes me wonder if she's trying to keep a foot in the door.
i would read nothing into that.^^ I filed for divorce and I didn't change my address partly b/c I wasn't sure how long I'd be at the new place, so there was some vagueness,
and partly b/c I just forgot. She's moving her stuff, which requires great effort and she's doing that.
But filling out a piece of paper or online to change her address is no biggie. My guess is that's an oversight whereas moving her stuff is real & purposeful. Don't hold back from forward movement for non reasons.
IF there is a huge change internally, and if it's worth your time it won't be this mysterious or unclear
I'm so sorry
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Yeah you're right, she would probably take it as I'm trying to hard to show her my changes.
But on the other hand I feel it would show her i am changing.
see anything revealing about this^^^??
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
As far as the compliments go, I would gauge the sitch. I see someone above mentioned that if she gave you a compliment then reciprocate. My WW is an attractive woman(IMO) that I have always complimented her looks, but her AP is telling her this way more than I am so he wins out. You giving her any compliment would come across as pursuing.
