I really don't want a BD. But at this point, she has noticed all the changes and seems to be disrespectful behind my back. But in my face, its like were a normal married couple without the intimacy. But we still have sex on occasion. DR book says give it even more time. But IC says that you need to ask her to work on the MR at this point or ask her to leave. And several close friends of ours are strongly suggesting that I do the same. I just don't want my W to get so far out there, that I don't want the woman that she ends up becoming. Who really wants an S who just decides to go spreading their legs for just anybody. Not sure if that is happening for sure. But I don't want that in a S.
Your WW is getting the best of both worlds, she's getting the excitement of meeting new people romantically, and is getting the "family time" when nothing else going on, and she's still getting sex from you when she wants it.
You don't have to go straight to D if that's not what you want, but you may want to get a place to yourself (you or her move out), cut most communication out and all physical contact, and find your happiness. Once you are in a place where you are happy on your own, you'll have a better idea if you want to go back and put in the work to piece, and by then you'll know where she stands.
while your finding yourself/happiness, she will be doing the same, and her actions will show you if she is someone you want as your W, or if she is someone you couldn't be happy with.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Just had a big update today. This week I'm out of town for work. But before I left, I found myself discuss to my W about this limbo status we are in. Told her that I wanted to work on our MR and of she could communicate with me on what's going on in her head, it would help so much. Once again, nothing but attitude and her saying that she doesn't have to talk with me about anything. And also that we want two different things. She wants to be alone.
So I suggested that perhaps it was a good idea to separate so she could get that space if she isn't willing to move forward, because I no longer want to live like this. W tried saying that she didn't want to leave. But I continued to remind her that months ago she claimed to not wanting to be here. So I told that I wouldn't hold her back. I asked W to take this week to think about moving in with her sister or whether she wanted to make this MR work.
I finished by kissing her on the forehead, telling her that I loved her and simply walked off. W just sat there clearly stunned and in silence. During this time I am gone. I am making a serious point to detach and enjoying the comforts of this hotel. And have fun with the people I'm training with. No contact, unless she makes an effort to call in regards to actually wanting to know what's going on with me here. Any call to home will be solely for the purpose of speaking with S13.
Felt nervous afterwards, but I am starting to feel better about the decision. Hopefully this will serve as a wake upon call. The bad influence is still in town for another week before leaving to move with her H. And she was supposed to stop by the house after I left. So hopefully she isn't dropping any bad advice.
Tread, I also took a big step this evening toward ending limbo. Right now it feels great. I am sure the tears and fears will come later, but honestly limbo is the worst.
So this morning my wife posted one word as a Facebook status 'motivated'. Believe I may have inspired my WW to leave the MR. Sure it didn't help that the cheating bad influence came by the house after I left. And conveniently one of the guys she cheated on me with and pushed for her to leave me liked the Facebook post. My guess is that she talked to him last night as well.
I know this isn't an easy process and part of me thinks I should have stayed my course instead of pushing it for a month. I am wanting to see if her behavior changes or if it is more of the same. I am still prepared to leave and this will go along with my initial time frame. Hoping for the best but expecting nothing. I hope your situation improves. The limbo stage just [censored] the life out of you and something has to give. Maybe physical separation is the wake up call they need. Who knows but I do know that once I can physically remove myself from the drama, I will be able to better put this behind me. I wish you all the luck. My prayers are with you.
Thanks for the encouragement. My emotions were all over the place this morning. But I'm once again feeling good about my decision. Hoping this week away will do some good. She can can try to sell the unhappy story. But I have always been there and supportive. And she knows this. That's why she at least wants to maintain a friendship. Why would you want to be friends with someone so bad? Unless you wanted to keep them close for a number of different reasons.
Ugh. "Bad influences" are just... bad. My WW has a bff who is like the worst influence possible. WW herself (three affairs while married to my own best friend), extremely jaded view on marriage, runs in same circle of friends and hangs out at same bar as the OM in my sitch, has been a direct liaison and enabler in the past for my W and OM, "girls gone wild" attitude, etc. And my W's best friend since they were like 18, so you can say no ill about her. W grew apart from her for a few years while we are married, but they are tight as tight can be right now, and it is NOT helping my sitch AT ALL. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one on my side, here.
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
Just trying to take it a day at a time. Can't wait for the bad influence to leave town for good. Hoping and praying that W will have a change of heart.
Just an update. I haven't heard from W in three days since I left for this work trip. Not sure what her attitude will be once I return home 2 days from now. Kind of detachingwas hoping that she would realize that life without me might be worse off. But clearly she has been spending these days messaging OM.
So for this detach might not help me out. But I am wondering if I should continue with my 180s as I return home. Seriously having the feeling of I have made things worse by speaking with her.
