I wasn't planning on leaving without some type of separation agreement signed by both of us detailing financial responsibilities and child visitation/custody. My W and I have had a couple of really good conversations this weekend. I am taking a few days to reflect on what was discussed and will post on it soon. Thank you for your concerns as there is a lot of legal issues to consider.
So on Friday when I got home my wife started talking to me and broke down crying telling me how much I have hurt her. She mentioned something that happened 12 years ago in which she wanted us to go do something and I wound up helping a neighbor out with something instead. I replied with I realize how much that must have hurt and how I have taken her for granted. I apologized for my past actions and said I realize saying sorry doesn't repair what has been done.
I told her while I can not do anything to change what has happened in the past, I would love the chance to show her a better and more loving future if given the chance. This was the first time she has opened herself up with honestly talking about what she is feeling. We have had some hard times but we have also had some great times too. I know right now she is focusing only on the bad to excuse what she is doing and it hurts but all I can do is validate how she feels.
I told her that I could not be around anymore while she is meeting other men when she goes out. I told her that it is better for me to go and not be around this behavior otherwise I will start to hate her for what she is doing. We ended our conversation and continued working outside.
On Saturday we were working again outside together and we were talking about the pool and I mentioned that maybe we should get a better above ground pool. She followed that with I guess you are not leaving. I replied that I really don't want to leave but feel I must. She looked at me in the eyes and said even though she is confused right now, she knows she doesn't want me to leave either.
I told her that I will not rush to leave and give it a few more weeks but that we need to talk in 1 month and address what is going to happen. I told her that if we do decide we are going to try and make this work that we will need outside help like counseling. She agreed and that is where I currently stand. I realize she could just want me to stay as a comfort but I need to see where this goes. I am still prepared to leave so I will approach the next few weeks cautiously.
So on Friday when I got home my wife started talking to me and broke down crying telling me how much I have hurt her. She mentioned something that happened 12 years ago in which she wanted us to go do something and I wound up helping a neighbor out with something instead. I replied with I realize how much that must have hurt and how I have taken her for granted. I apologized for my past actions and said I realize saying sorry doesn't repair what has been done.
PEW,
My wife (now XW) often reminded me of a terrible thing that I did shortly after we were married (15 years prior). I don't remember the event, but she described what happened. I'd been outside working and I came into the house. My wife had been sweeping the kitchen floor and asked me to throw her an old towel. Apparently when I threw her the towel, it landed in the pile of dirt and debris she'd swept from the kitchen floor. Never mind that I would've had to throw the towel over the kitchen counter, and by her own admission, I couldn't have seen the pile of dirt she'd swept. And, you know how precisely you can throw a towel. Anyway, according to my wife, when she told me that the towel messed-up her pile of dirt, I simply said, "Well, sweep it up." And, I went back outside to continue working in the lawn. Now that's a d@mn good reason to get a divorce.
I can't tell you how many times I apologized for that event (15 years hence) and my apologies didn't make any difference. What's the moral of the story? Your wife is living in bizarro world so don't believe anything she says...
It is truly amazing to see where their focus is. I am taking what she says with a grain of salt. The only reason I am giving another month before I leave is because this is the first time she at least tried to tell me how she is feeling. I do believe that she is hurting, I just don't agree with her actions. I am using this time to continue to figure out my plans and get everything in order financially with my departure if we continue down this path. I don't expect anything to change but will allow a little more time to see what transpires.
It's amazing the bs these WS try to sell us in justifying their bad decisions. Like you said take it with a grain of salt. If they spent that time being bitter and actually talked with us life would be so much better. It's good that you see where she is going with this. If my W was to at least admit to being confused that would at least be in the right direction in getting out of limbo.
At the moment everything seems to be going ok under the current circumstances. My W seems to call me the past few days at work and just wants to talk. I have noticed we also talk more at home. We have been sitting together on weekends outside having coffee and just talking. I have to say it has been nice. I know she is confused about what she wants but should I stay with my physical separation plans in a month or just keep doing my GAL and see where this leads? I try not to focus too much time on thinking about our situation at the moment. I am unsure if I am just being complacent. I find myself being confused now about what I truly want. I love my W with my whole heart but I can not help but feel anger about everything. Is this normal and does it pass at some point?
I find myself being confused now about what I truly want. I love my W with my whole heart but I can not help but feel anger about everything. Is this normal and does it pass at some point?
PEW,
I think confusion and anger are normal. In fact, I think it would be abnormal not to have some confusion and anger. The loss of a marital relationship can be very traumatizing.
Preparing for my conversation to my W about us physically separating. Asking all on how to approach this conversation and what are some things I should be saying during it. I am looking to let her know that I can no longer live in this open M and that as long as she contacts the OM we can not begin to try and work on our R. I feel that she is the one who has left our M by having this affair and she should be the one to leave our home. Since she is getting her needs met from the OM he might as well be supporting her too. I will take care of the house and the children. I can not and will not support her life choices any longer.
I have thought about my plan to leave the house and from what posters were saying I believe she should be the one to leave. If she decides not to leave, how should I proceed? I am truly done with the current situation and am having trouble getting past the damage that has been done to me and my family. She needs to accept the consequences of her actions.
