Just a quick update. Counseling is going well, but apparently it takes more than 1 or 2 sessions to work through major issues? Who knew?
Even though I pretty much put it away, it turns out I’m going to need to retrieve that darn patience shovel! That’s ok, because I won’t melt and she’s more than worth it.
My wife is opening up with our therapist and seems ready to improve herself and our M. Part of this is due to me being near done with the status quo. I never issued any type of ultimatum, but it was made clear that I didn’t know how long I could go on as we were. Not a threat by any means, but more of an acknowledgement of reality. If you go this route make sure it's not a tactic, it has to be real.
Maybe a bigger reason she accepted my offer to initiate MC is she was just finally ready to make things better for herself. She's been holding a lot in, and some of it was my fault. There will be no details posted here regarding this, as I feel it is a private matter between a H & W.
My wife has verbally stated that she does not want a divorce, which I pretty much knew, but YAY! She has also acknowledged that I have turned over a new leaf in almost every area. Likely a reason why she never left. Apparently, I’ve become the H only a fool would leave?
I’m impressed with our counselor, and think she is a good fit for us. More importantly, my wife is comfortable with her. We’ve met with her both together and separately, 5 times total now. She’s laid out a plan for us (build a stronger and more intimate connection) and gives us both homework. It’s been tough at times, I must admit. Wife has spewed at me a few times and we have argued more than we have in years. I admit I deserve some (but not all) of it.
But we’re both still here and committed to the M, so that’s the important thing. I’m more confident than ever that things will continue to improve. Bust On y’all!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY...I asked on roist's thread before I saw that you had posted an update. I hope and pray that things continue in a positive direction. I know that I have only been in this thing for 1/10th the time you have, but it seems that your W is kind of standing for your M now. I wish mine thought we were worth saving just as yours has. Like you I think that my wife is worth the fight, but at this point she is only fighting to get out.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
FY...I asked on roist's thread before I saw that you had posted an update. I hope and pray that things continue in a positive direction. I know that I have only been in this thing for 1/10th the time you have, but it seems that your W is kind of standing for your M now. I wish mine thought we were worth saving just as yours has. Like you I think that my wife is worth the fight, but at this point she is only fighting to get out.
Thanks, SBJ.
Yes, my wife is standing for our marriage right now, and I recently left her a card thanking her for exactly that. Little thoughts of appreciation can go a long way.
I'm sorry that your W wants out so badly. Our spouses have to want to work on the marriage for it to work in the end, but sometimes we can ride it out until their feelings change. Stay on your course and remain strong my friend, you never know what may happen.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Bravo! I'm so happy to read your update. Keep that patience shovel handy!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks for keeping us in the loop. I am happy that things are positive and have no worries about you managing that patience shovel!!
Best wishes
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Job suggested o read your threads and I am now a part of your fan club. I've learned so much from you and am inspired by your attitude and patience and compassion in this situation--5 years! Best wishes in the counseling and good news on the physical front.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
I hope your absence from these threads is a positive sign.I wish you all my best in your path. I look forward to hearing from you.
Best wishes
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Hi roist and my fellow DB team! Things are going well in Mr and Mrs Foreverland, thanks for checking in.
Counseling has been both helpful and stressful!
We’ve been discussing our one main issue, and working through it. It's apparent it’s going to take longer than I expected to get to where I hope to be. That’s ok. My wife is on board, and doing the exercises and homework. Wife has also visited the marriage bed several times now, which is a huge step. I can see progress. But this progress also increases my antsy-ness!
I gotta keep that in check and remember how far we have come.
Focus on the progress, and keep it going.
We've been busy working together on home improvement projects. Also have some vacation activities planned, and an out of state wedding to attend. It should be fun.
Just know that things really can get better if you follow the plan and hang in there. Bust On, everyone!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Glad to hear that in general things are good and improving. Glad your patience paid off. I am not worried about your patience to stick this through.
Thanks for the update
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
I've very glad you returned to give us an update. Sounds like things are progressing slowly, but in a very positive way. Keep up the good work! Remember....patience!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
She has also acknowledged that I have turned over a new leaf in almost every area. Likely a reason why she never left. Apparently, I’ve become the H only a fool would leave?
Bust On y’all!