I told very few people. But those closest to us know and aren't the least bit happy about it. My W told her best friend and his W right after the A started. They knew about it before I did and advised her to stop before she got caught. My W being stubborn clearly didn't follow their advice and got caught. This guy has been best friends with my W since they were 9 years old. Once he found out that my W had been spreading lies about me(she was telling him and his wife different stories about me). He called me up and filled me in on the details about the A that I didn't know about. And then they cut off contact with her all together. W wants to act as if that wasn't a big deal, but I could that she was seriously hurt by that. They were likely going to be her support system once she leaves me. And her behaviour cost her that.
I told a couple who are also close friends of ours. And they tried to have an intervention. They are religious and don't believe in BD. But after spending countless amounts of time trying to get through to my W, they're just disappointed in her. They haven't completely cut her off. But her lies to them as well has damaged that relationship. And they'll never be close with her again. They believe if you can do that to your H that you claim to love, then your capable of doing harm to anybody. Other than those people and myself. My W has nobody else in her life that she can be completely honest and open with. So this is why, I believe that she will try her hardest to have me as a best friend. But if the MR ends, then I refuse to be friends with someone who would kick their family to the curb to chase after another woman's H.
Other than that, I told two friends from work that I'm extremely cool with. But they have no interaction with my W. And then my parents and siblings know. Not sure how many people my W have told.
Thanks Tread. It's a weird subject for us. She keeps wanting to know who I told, yet her boyfriend has made their relationship public on facebook since September and posts something every week of them two. I'm from town A, live in town B, and they are in town C. These towns are about 30 minutes from each. I don't have any mutual friends with the boyfriend so I didn't know for 6 months plus I don't have a Facebook until I created a fake one to snoop. I dislike social media for this very reason. I disliked it even before I found out. Now some friends of I and W are finding out and she is getting mad at me for making her out to be a bad person. Not my fault I get random calls asking how my marriage is bc someone seen my wife and boyfriend out. Pretty ironic she gets mad at that yet boyfriend posts about their life together. I asked her why she let him post stuff and her reply is that she can't control him. Pretty sorry answer and logic but hey I guess logic was thrown out a long time ago.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
Don't feel the least bit bad. These are the consequences that come with WS actions. Reality always eventually comes crashing down on their fantasy world. All you need to do is just sit back and watch the show. WS think they can have it all. But the A will always the cause the decent friends to pull away from them.
I agree with Tread. I think in many cases where you are not sure what to do then do nothing. Sit back and let things play out. Maybe your 180 is to have a blast at the wedding?
I actually envy you that you have friends that know about the A. In my case no one accept my IC and attorney know AFAIK. It's difficult for me to just sit and watch my W get away with this. I was hit with a feeling this afternoon that her world could come crashing down.
Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs 4 children ILYBNILWY 1/30/17 PA confronted 3/6/17 Separated same house
Thanks, it got pretty ugly last night but maybe this will help. My best friends wife blew up on her last night. Now W is saying the world is against her, etc. I'm still not going to tell people yet but maybe this will help her. My best friends wife isn't mean but doesn't hold back either. When my wife brings up certain friends of hers, I ask her if she told them. All makes since now, she hast told anyone with a high leval of integrity. The people she told is halfway descent but they have some relationship issues and problems doing the right thing. So her biggest concern is escaping from this clean.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
It's typical for a WW to ditch old friends and make new ones, primarily b/c of her current lifestyle.
Although this may be painful for you to watch, these are consequences for decisions she has made. If you want to listen, then do it. I just don't think you should engage, as an attempt to get on her better side or buddy up with her. Don't try to rescue her. She has to deal with the mess she has caused.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Yeah I guess consensus is to disengage and let her deal with it. Plus I don't have a choice now, she told me today she wants to end communication because it will never work. She says my family and friends hate her and that it will never be the same. Plus she said that our Sunday beach trip was one of the best trips she ever had with me and that it is only confusing her more because I waited this long to give her what she needed. I guess a little NC wont hurt. We probably went one day without talking for our 7 year relationship.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
Please stop referring to her douche bag affair partner as her "boyfriend". Married women don't have boyfriends. They have scummy douche bag affair partners. Only a total lowlife scumbag of a "man" would mess around with another man's wife. That makes you 1000 times the better man. You need to realize that and project your confidence and self worth. Don't be anyone's doormat. Nobody respects a doormat.
Thanks Tx, its weird you say that because I actually thought the same thing last night. I told myself, I don't think married people can have a bf/gf. They should just be referred to as OM or OW. I'm just starting to learn the acronyms by the way.
I'm just going to give her the space. Maybe her realization will come through soon. I have too many abilities that I'm wasting at the moment, ready to thrive again.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
After my wife's friend blast, w has went from let's not talk anymore to let's plan a weekend together to see if we can muster up that old spark. She also asked me to help with resume. I doubt she said weekend thing to manipulate me to help with resume. Admittedly, I was very excited but I did tone that down after much thought. Of course I want to go but I'm sure she will have her daily swing of emotions, especially after being directly confronted by a mutual friend. The mutual friend kicked the w out of her wedding bc the mutual friend was actually not to biased (mutual friend is my best friends fiance so they are more my friend than w) but she actually put alot of effort into understanding my wife's problems. My W just blew her off for months which made friend upset, like maybe their friendship wasn't what she thought.
Just an update, maybe the confrontation will ultimately help, maybe not but wife def needed to hear those things.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
