WW won't separate

[LH19]

Resolut,

You have to get control of your emotions. You pursing her is making you look weak.

If you don't change the dynamic of this relationship this could go on for years.

I can tell you are motivated by fear. What are your fears?

[TxHubby]

Just started the day/week with a big fight. I broke every rule again. I was aggressive in the fight. I didn't listen. I didn't valid. I am angry. I am hurt. I want her to open up and talk about where she is.

All these things were wrong and she pushed way back from me. I am pushing her away.

What's the point of me holding out the olive branch. Why do I try to validate her feelings at this point. I have not received any validation or empathy from her since her A started.

Sorry I'm venting but had to get these feelings out. Things are taking a turn for the worse.

Don't feel bad for wanting your own feelings validated. Validation is a two way street. You both deserve to have your feelings validated by the other.

Some advice though. Right now you look clingy and pathetic. That's a very unattractive quality.

Think about a time in life when you broke up with someone. If they acted clingy and pathetic all that did was make you pity them and want them far away from you. They were very unattractive. Now the flip side...if you broke up with someone and then saw they were doing great, were happy, and doing even better without you then you started questioning why you broke up with them and that's the one you regretted and wanted back. They were very attractive to you.

Channel that anger toward making yourself the most awesome version of you that you can be. Work out, get in killer shape, go do really fun things without even inviting her. Be the guy that men want to be and ladies want to be with. Any man can be that man. Get yourself into physical and mental shape. Start now.

Let her go. Who cares what she's doing. Her business. You've got too many awesome plans yourself to be worried about her. Be that man and she'll respond. Trust me, I know.

[resolut]

TxHubby,

Yes you are right and I know these things. The truth is I was better at this 3-4 weeks ago. Something has really taken a toll on me and I've regressed. I just had a major talk with my W and got her to see a few things from my standpoint. We've agreed on a few more boundaries and we're going to continue the separation for now. I feel encouraged to a degree and my mission is just to work on myself and learn to detach from her.

[Natus]

Its hard, its why i opted for separation after a few months of in-house DBing. I hope you find your own strength and its okay where it comes from. Dont beat yourself about it.

[resolut]

Its been a little while for me.

I'm back from a 10 day vacation. I had the time of my life when my W wasn't there. When she was there we were cordial but no steps were taken towards me. I simply stuck to DB principles. It was all about enjoying time with our children.

I'm resolved now that my MR is over and I don't want to save it anymore. She continues her behavior towards OM.

I have met someone and went on one date. Someone here is going to hit me but I feel good. She's interested in me and I'm interested in her. Its simple.

Now I just need to make more steps to putting boundaries in my life and helping push my W out of the house. I'm feeling a sense of peace right now that I haven't felt in a long time.

[Coconut]

I'm still in love with her and I haven't let go. I'm back at square one I think.

i'll tell you what, since you think dating is a good idea, how about you at least let your date know where you stand with your W. You posted this 2 weeks ago.

Get my point?

[AnotherStander]

I'm resolved now that my MR is over and I don't want to save it anymore. She continues her behavior towards OM.

I have met someone and went on one date.
[/quote]

Stop and take a deep breath. As C-nut pointed out you've very recently expressed strong feelings for your W. You're cycling like we all did in your sitch. Today you're done, tomorrow you're not, the day after you don't know. It's normal. What you don't want to do is introduce a new R into your sitch. You are not at all emotionally ready for that, and it would be extremely unfair to the new woman. There is no urgency here, you have plenty of time. Use it to work on yourself and make yourself a stronger, better person.

[resolut]

You guys are right and I know this. I do know that the M is over though, and I don't want her back. I realize I've been cycling in this. If she were to return, the M is too tainted and the harm done is irreparable.

I concede that right now I have the gift of time.

[resolut]

Just a quick update from me and my situation. My W and I have decided to seek a D. We're going to start on mediation in August.

Overall I think DB'ing has worked and continues to work for me. The hardest part of the whole thing was learning to detach and GAL. There's no way I can say I mastered them and everything always seemed to go in cycles for me. I realize I have a long, long way to go but I feel relieved now that I can begin the process of moving on from her and I'm looking forward to redefining who I am without her. Right now I am shifting the focus away from losing the MR and putting everything I can into being there for my children.

[resolut]

I'm just updating my situation. There is very little to update. We're still separated but living in the same house. I am ready to file for D. I have been doing the compassionate thing and asking my W to schedule a sit down with both attorneys. She is dragging her feet.

The MR is beyond irreparable at this point. I am free of her emotionally but am going to feel so much better after the D.

Curious to know what others have done in this stage.