A crying woman will be okay, and she does not need someone to rescue her from herself. She can choose to be responsible for the consequences of her choices (losing Thornton as an option) and to stop her crying all on her own.
She is an adult. Just as adult men are responsible for their choices, adult women are responsible for their choices. A woman who constantly looks for a white knight to rescue her is not a healthy woman/good prospect for a partner.
As romantic as fairy tales are, any adult woman who regularly looks to another adult to save her is simply not healthy.
You've mentioned your history and your tendency to want to save women from themselves. I would like you to get to the point where you're able to value a woman who doesn't need you to save her.
I'd also like you to accept that you have value just as a companion, and not when you act as rescuer.
W is purposefully triggering your emotional need to rescue, and I believe she is doing it to manipulate you into doing what she wants (pledging availability to her and/or relocating.) Do not allow yourself to fall into that trap.
She's an adult, and she can take care of herself, including owning the consequences of her choices. The current consequence is that by leaving the relationship she loses you as an option.
Hmm, I think she upped her game to secure you as plan B...sorry if that stings (and I'm sure you are lovely and desirable too) - but that's my take.
Here's the deal. She would love to go having you say - you're my person too and I'll wait for you. But it would be really bad news for you to do that.
I would simply respond - I'm sorry if you're having a rough day - I enjoyed last night too. I understand you want to move away and I'll rebuild my life as best I can when you are gone. Take care.
No plan B okay??
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I am overwhelemd with the way I am feeling. I do not regret last night and I hope you don't. This is all such a mess. But I have to remain raw. And as I have said you are tatooed on my heart and I remain hopeful for the future in what feels like an impossible situation right now. (sad emoticon face).
THEN DON'T CREATE IMPOSSIBLE SITUATIONS, W. It's as easy as that!
I'm mad for you, Thornton. After last night and this text, I am certain she is actively trying to manipulate you.
Thornton, PLEASE don't let your emotions determine your behavior these next few days. She is leaving. Like 25 said, no matter what she says, look at her actions. I don't think she is a stable woman. You deserve better than someone playing you this way. You know in your head that you need to stand tall with dignity as she drives away. Let her cry. Make this departure one that you will look back on with pride, knowing you did not chase, beg or whine. Be the man you are. I know it will hurt hurt hurt. But you can do this. Stay strong. ((((( )))))
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
I have no intention of chasing her, moving, or pledging my undying love for her.
I really appreciate all your feedback and for looking out for me.
Forcing myself to think differently than I have my entire life has been very difficult for me. But I'm so thankful for all of you to be my guard rails.
Have you considered that your wife is a crazy person? Reminds me of my wife back during her MLC. I zapped that crazy right out of her when I had her served with divorce papers. Sobered her right up.
In the end I'm still divorcing her. I deserve better than being cheated on. Everyone does.
Thornton, you can do this. A new chapter of your life starts now, one where you make healthier choices for yourself.
Starting now, Thornton holds women responsible for their choices. He's no one's white knight, because the women he chooses to commit to don't need rescuing.
It's going to feel like work to change your ways, but you've got to fake it until you make it. Picture us standing beside you, lending you strength.
W chose to leave, and you should not make HER feel better by giving her any impression that you're in the wings. She's left the relationship, and soon the area, and the consequence is she loses you. Whether there is any future for you, or if it is with another person, it is crucial that you actively assert to W that you are moving on without her.
Do not allow tears to soften your resolve, as some women use tears to manipulate men. Allow her to have to feel your loss, because you deserve to be valued.
Good for you Thornton. I'm going to ask you to turn the tables for a moment. Let's just say you are in a R with a gal. You dump her once, then get back together. Then again you get cold feet and dump her again. You guys reconcile. Then you have a wobble about the commitment - and you really miss your Mum. So you dump her again and decide to move 1000 miles away...you hope she might keep a door open for you while you test out your new life - maybe even join you??
How would you feel about her if she actually followed you?? I agree - I'm sure she has many lovely qualities, but she's also a little crazy too I think!!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Great point, Sotto! Makes sense to me that if I were to up and move for her after she left me 3x, she would never respect me (And I would never respect myself).
